regret

i dont know if i'm complaining here for my regrets, but oh wells, there's so many regrets that i've been thru for this pass few days which i wanted to rant it out again, thru my blog -.-"

i dont understand why am i still stepping on the ground but didnt moved on, i've been travelling so much on this year but it didnt really made me to move forward. problems still being here and couldnt even solve it again and again.. bahhhh..

for once i'm regret why am i still living, this is really depressing i know, i mean for all the things that i've done in this 24 years, regret on so many things! but sometimes i'll realized after i regretting on the things, i'll made my move to even better place. improvement huh? hmm i dont know if i'm still regretting on what i've chosen for my life to be but this is the way that i choose and i cant complain much, i mean really, this is all my fault, no one using a pistol and point at you to do all this things, but the stupid me go and did all the stuff that i arent supposed to do, being silly and idiot.. so from that way for being stupid and i learned from it, getting to be a better n smarter person..


i regret i dated with my ex, which he makes me suffering from all the pains and problems, but think wisely we do have a great memory, just that the fate is not with us and making me still struggling on what i've chosen, eden was one of the problem that he left me with, and now i'm the one who regretting for not putting down eden, since he can let it go easily, but i cant.. i blamed myself why i still being so ego, i mean i wanna success in everything that i wanted in my life, but i know it's hard. i was trying so hard to work in eden, but the rewards doenst seems to come to me yet i'm still stuck in it.. that kind of feelings no body would understand.. and i know let it go will be the best solution, just that i cant do it, say it is easy but it's damn hard for me to make the move! seriously! i dont know what the heck i'm still hoping for in eden, i mean it got its potential to grow, but it's been almost 3 years, i'm really tired, really..


and not only for that, i stayed in eden because of another reason as well, i dont know why eden was in my part of relationship, but human's got alot of sentimental feelings that you cant control since you work hard for it together and see it grows, same goes to my feeling towards this man. i regret i fall for him, and i dont know if we have the click since both of us are introvert type of person.. just too complicated to express how we're connected and also our communications & outings, it feels sweet when both of u spending time together, even only for work purpose, but also the problem is came from work as well, he was a very busy businessman and sometimes it's hardly for him to spend time with me, that's make me regret on why i'll fall for him, falling on this man which hurt myself badly and being stupid for helping him when he needs my help. why cant we get together because of work commitments? why? sometimes i regret knowing him, i know he's not the type that i'm looking for but i just couldnt control my feelings.. arghh


there's so many things that i've regret, and i still blaming my life here, why? why cant i just let all go and lets the life goes on? why i still keep complaining here where you know how stupid and silly you are.. why i can have a better opportunities and life but i'm scared to try out? life is so unexpected, i already putting down my egos but it seems doesnt really work on me.. i'm so scared and so blur with my life now!!

well, fred not, i'm taking things down slowly.. i'm changing again.. of coz to be a better person.. i cant look back what i've regret, i'll take on what i've regret and move on with my life, isnt this supposed to be? hmm i guess so.. if i'm not moving on i'll regret on my life.

i have so many things in my mind now but i couldnt think of what to write, somehow i feel so stressed on nothing.. it's public holiday today but i just feel unproductive, i need a rest, that's why i sleep for the whole afternoon today.. aiks.. life's getting boring because of all the shits, i need more loves & suports badly! :( just wish me luck on everything and hopes things is getting better. i do really hope for miracles. pls happen to me god!

btw happy merdeka to malaysia!