ommmggeeee

been neglected this blog for awhile, so its time to update abit.. recently my mood has been up & down again.. down because of stress (again!! i know it's so yesterday) up because i've great bunch of friends & family.. i noticed my blog had really turned into a sentimental side of me.. hmm for those who wanted to know me well he/she should read my blog, the inner part of me.. lol

stress aside, and sickness too, oh i've been sick for days :( need to share something which it's really made my day :)

1st i bought an iphone4, ya i know i'm hype on the launch & also iphone4 heats, just being kiasu to own this baby! ok story telling time, i've pre-book a spot for the maxis launch, picked sat as i'll be free, not as crazy as others just to que on thurs mid nite.. read alot of incidents of getting the iphone4, so i decided to head to garden early in the morning on sat, luckily xine was working for maxis on dat day, so she can update me the latest status.. lol.. but when i got thr i wasnt in my slot to get the number yet.. hafta wait till 6pm, btw i reached at 11am.. so in between i dunno wat to do.. was chilling in the garden for the 1st few hours, went to borders n read some books, ended up buying 2 new graphic books, then meet up wif xine to get some coffee, when i was out from toilet meeting xine n colleague at the escalator there, there's an old lady watching me from top to bottom, and suddenly she speaks to me, she said my leg so white (btw i was wearing shorts) must becareful & dont walk alone, later criminal happen.. i was like wtf!? then faster nodded head & leave the place -.-" how come i got lectured by ppl in the public! duh.. went to starbucks later to get my coffee.. chill there awhile, surfing net using my 3G network!! coz starbucks wifi service is down -.-" makes some calls to friends & cousin called & asked if i wanted to sell off my iphone 3Gs.. after that i couldnt tahan to wait for another 3 more hours, been lepaking so hard only used 3 hours.. so i decided to go back to eden for awhile to handle some work.. jammed all the way back.. get some work done, then received xine msg saying that i can get my num d, so i quickly rush back to garden -.-" jammed all the way again.. then que awhile, got my num and finally time for food! haven been eating for the whole day.. while waiting xine to get her bag, i bumped into bryan, my coll junior.. his parents was waiting the num but they're running out of time because they got a movie to catch.. so he asked me wat num i've then i leave for dinner.. just going down to the escalator he called me again n asked me if i wanted to switched num wif him, n only need to wait for another 30 mins.. i was so happy because i ady waited for 1 whole day, how lucky am i to get it earlier.. lol so i told xine we go for our dinner after i took my iphone.. then i waited in the hall for 45 mins.. finally my turn! i was so blur until i walk to the wrong counter, because i know there's only 60 counter but my counter was 64.. i thought i heard wrongly or see wrongly, due to no food for whole day.. when i was guide to my counter there's another fat guy jump que! i was damn mad.. i need to wait until they finish 1st only until my turn.. haih.. good lucks end too soon.. get all my info done den i transfer to another counter.. and finally got my iphone4 -.-" so many adventure for my iphone purchase.. got my sim cut into microsim size, get a casing & screen protector for baby, oh bump into lionel when i bought my casing.. then me n xine off for dinner, we both are starving ady.. on the way when we walk from garden to mid valley, before the bridge connection i dont know why i slipped my new iphone4 n it dropped on the floor!!!! O.O i stunned awhile, was so calm faster pick it up, rub abit n continue walking, that time thr was passenger walking by n saw me dropping it.. xine was stunned thr too.. n i told xine nothing one.. but by the time we reach la manila cafe, sit down ady i suddenly feels so heartache! damn within 30 mins my baby kissed on the floor d! -.-" was damn no mood for the whole dinner.. haih.. some more was heading to hoe's place after that for small gathering.. n i was being the topic again for them to laugh at me!! ok story end.. i heartache again.. poor baby -.-"

2nd things, i sold off my iphone 3Gs to my cousin, was holding 2 iphones in a week, so gaya.. but dont think can afford 2 iphones, need to sell it off.. but was happy that i'm taking 2 iphone walk around in a week -.-"

3rd, i'm taking this very serious.. i'm thinking of further study.. ady start researching and applying online.. i cant believe it.. i'm making the move! seriously i'm thinking it very hard now is it possible for me? because i'll be taking my master either in the states or aussie, alot of plannings, financial & time arrangement to do.. i need back my passion, so ppl pls support me ok? he he

4th since last 2 weeks i'm partying hard again.. yea back to party life -.-" not antisocial anymore.. tml gonna have another party! ok i need to update my party closet.. lol

5th, can i say i love my family n friends again? i really wanted to thank my mum who always support me n take care of me, even though she mumble non stop, n my daddy being my driver to drive me around & always quietly supporting me at the back. i'll try to have more time for family.. n to my friends, i never felt so happy again.. they're cheering me up every moment :)) n i would really love to if i had the chance to be in a relationship.. heheh.. is there any possibility for us? hmm.. well just let it be..

6th my tripping for next year is confirmed!! may macau/hk; june langkawi; july taiwan.. wooohoooo.. now thinking some plan for year end.. i need an escape badly!

i really do wish my happy moments can last long, well at least it can cheer me up for not being so stress from work.. all i hope is everything will runs smoothly & taking things easy dont pressure myself.. a good sign n a good start for me now :)

till then xoxo

this is no so me

cant believe i'm changing my lifestyle now! haha. mayb i'm old and tired to go out? staying in is good but for my age now staying in on a holiday eve, are u crazy? "u shud go out drink & party" said inner part of my mind. "but i'm tired n dont feel like social"

so there you go, called me antisocial carmen. party & drinking & yam cha & dinner & shopping slowly remove from my routine. oh gosh, how i love my new life -.-" perhaps it's just for a short period? i dont know, i'm enjoying my silence night, since i'm home alone now (what a surprise!) but alot of works are waiting for me.. bah.. i wish i could remove my work from my routine too! hehe..

selamat hari raya & happy holidays to all!

regret

i dont know if i'm complaining here for my regrets, but oh wells, there's so many regrets that i've been thru for this pass few days which i wanted to rant it out again, thru my blog -.-"

i dont understand why am i still stepping on the ground but didnt moved on, i've been travelling so much on this year but it didnt really made me to move forward. problems still being here and couldnt even solve it again and again.. bahhhh..

for once i'm regret why am i still living, this is really depressing i know, i mean for all the things that i've done in this 24 years, regret on so many things! but sometimes i'll realized after i regretting on the things, i'll made my move to even better place. improvement huh? hmm i dont know if i'm still regretting on what i've chosen for my life to be but this is the way that i choose and i cant complain much, i mean really, this is all my fault, no one using a pistol and point at you to do all this things, but the stupid me go and did all the stuff that i arent supposed to do, being silly and idiot.. so from that way for being stupid and i learned from it, getting to be a better n smarter person..


i regret i dated with my ex, which he makes me suffering from all the pains and problems, but think wisely we do have a great memory, just that the fate is not with us and making me still struggling on what i've chosen, eden was one of the problem that he left me with, and now i'm the one who regretting for not putting down eden, since he can let it go easily, but i cant.. i blamed myself why i still being so ego, i mean i wanna success in everything that i wanted in my life, but i know it's hard. i was trying so hard to work in eden, but the rewards doenst seems to come to me yet i'm still stuck in it.. that kind of feelings no body would understand.. and i know let it go will be the best solution, just that i cant do it, say it is easy but it's damn hard for me to make the move! seriously! i dont know what the heck i'm still hoping for in eden, i mean it got its potential to grow, but it's been almost 3 years, i'm really tired, really..


and not only for that, i stayed in eden because of another reason as well, i dont know why eden was in my part of relationship, but human's got alot of sentimental feelings that you cant control since you work hard for it together and see it grows, same goes to my feeling towards this man. i regret i fall for him, and i dont know if we have the click since both of us are introvert type of person.. just too complicated to express how we're connected and also our communications & outings, it feels sweet when both of u spending time together, even only for work purpose, but also the problem is came from work as well, he was a very busy businessman and sometimes it's hardly for him to spend time with me, that's make me regret on why i'll fall for him, falling on this man which hurt myself badly and being stupid for helping him when he needs my help. why cant we get together because of work commitments? why? sometimes i regret knowing him, i know he's not the type that i'm looking for but i just couldnt control my feelings.. arghh


there's so many things that i've regret, and i still blaming my life here, why? why cant i just let all go and lets the life goes on? why i still keep complaining here where you know how stupid and silly you are.. why i can have a better opportunities and life but i'm scared to try out? life is so unexpected, i already putting down my egos but it seems doesnt really work on me.. i'm so scared and so blur with my life now!!

well, fred not, i'm taking things down slowly.. i'm changing again.. of coz to be a better person.. i cant look back what i've regret, i'll take on what i've regret and move on with my life, isnt this supposed to be? hmm i guess so.. if i'm not moving on i'll regret on my life.

i have so many things in my mind now but i couldnt think of what to write, somehow i feel so stressed on nothing.. it's public holiday today but i just feel unproductive, i need a rest, that's why i sleep for the whole afternoon today.. aiks.. life's getting boring because of all the shits, i need more loves & suports badly! :( just wish me luck on everything and hopes things is getting better. i do really hope for miracles. pls happen to me god!

btw happy merdeka to malaysia!

emo

useless post. just ignore me at this moment. blarghhhh

pissed

i know i shouldnt be ranting again but this round i really couldnt tahan the anger in my heart. n i just wan to speak it out!

case happened on my 'bff' again. i know i'm still calling her my bff coz we're really close wif each other. n i aso dunno y i still stick around wif her -.-"

#1
she's always sick n i'm tired to care about her anymore. her pithiness couldnt melts my heart anymore. once she's sick, she'll on mc n her jobs automatically i'll take over. her company always pass those dog shit jobs up when it's rush or urgent. work matter i cant stand for her attitude. no responsible at all. sometimes even her boss blame it on me -.-"

#2
we're not having lunch so often anymore. although working in the same building but we hardly see each other. so this day was my grandma passed away, n i only told my colleague about the news then rush back home. she got to know it later then she sms that she felt sorry for my lost. n she'll b coming to my hse dat night to pay her last respect to my grandma. btw each n everyone in my family & relative knows her. and so 1st day couldnt settle the things yet, so i ask her to come the next day. dah la very sad, she go n kepoh n tell the others friends about my lost. n i was damn paiseh when some of them call me directly to cheer me up. but i'm just not in that mood to keep on telling wat happened -.-"

then the next day she smsed me again n ask how's the thing going. so i said if u wan then come lor. but later at night she called me but i didnt managed to pick up her call bcoz of the praying stuff. then i smsed her n she replied back that she cant come, next day only come. so i just replied if u cant come then nvm la.. no one will blame it on u.. n i think she feels guilty, she called me after that, saying that she's still sick n cant come, and then the coughing thing & voice losing thing appear again (which i ady sick of it) i dont know if she's sincere to care about me and cheer me up in the phone call. upset wif her, some more she still can say she very missed my grandma -.-"

#3
case not finished yet, funeral ceremony ends very late on mon, n i cant wake up to work on the next day, too tired from the cleaning house part n aso sleepless nites for past few days. she called me on tues afternoon, asking me whether wanted to do lunch together. i was like wtf, cant u just leave me alone? i told her i was sleeping & wont b able to go work. so i rested in hse for whole afternoon, but at nite i just couldnt stayed at home coz i'll think of my grandma again n desperately wanted to go out. so i asked her out for a drink but she said she's having dinner with her friends n ask me to join aso. but i damn moody n dont feel like to social, i just wanted to be with my close friend. but i didnt tell her that, i just said i dont feel like going.

#4
still related with previous case, i told her that nite i was damn upset & cried so many times just for that nite, but somehow i feel better after some chatting wif harvey who cheer me up n even called up all the way from perth. n then the next day out wif khang for desserts. she knew i was telling her how i need a fren to be with me badly, and she tried to care about me only the next day, she felt guilty. so she was trying to be very nice to me, even ask me to go shopping after work the next day. i aso dunno y i sor sor follow her go shopping, or mayb i need some retail therapy. at least i still got my shopping kaki to do all the silly girly stuff.. n she aso ask me out again on next day, which is fri, go to some night club with her friends, coz i told her i need some drinks on weekend, but i rejected her coz i really dont feel like to know new frens. still have heal from the sadness.

#5
so on fri she didnt call me or see me for the whole day, and she told me before this sat she wanted me to help her to take some profile pic in the studio. so i smsed her on sat afternoon asking wat time she'll be coming so that i can prepare, i even postponed my family dinner just for her. when she called me back that time n said she couldnt make it i was damn angry n damn pissed off, coz this photoshot was planned on early of the month n due to my grandma passed away we postponed it for a few times ady. the most angry part is before this she keep on asking me when i free can help, n when we set the date ady, she's giving lame excuse to turned off this photoshot. wtf.

#6
then on sun afternoon, i gt her sms asking me whether i wanted to go mv wif her arnot, i just rejected her, n still very angry for ffk-ing me. but she called me again at nite, around 8 n asking me whether i can do the photoshot for her coz she urgently needed to send for audition. me soft heart again when she beg me on phone, coz she said she only needs simple 1 and send 1 or 2 photos only. so i'm ok with it since i'm done wif family dinner n shop in hypermarkets wif parents. so when she arrived in studio she told me she needs to take 2 diff styles which i totally stunned for awhile, some more need to take my gown for shooting -.-" i damn layan her that time. i damn regret to help her, making myself so damn suffer, some more i damn tired yest.she even request so many things which i wanted to slap on her or i just leave the studio. but i didnt do that, i was too nice to be bullied. i even show my black face to her ady but she just dont care, even the camera is spoiled she still managed to ask another friend come for help -.-" i totally speechless. we shot until 12 n i cant stand it anymore, i just told her its done, she dont dare to say anything n only chat wif the other fren. i dont know y i'll still treat her so nice? she din make me happy but suffering.. urgggghhhhhh damn gerammmmmmmmmmm

#7
damn it, i dont know why today i ask her for lunch. stupid me. just call me crazy. i still very pissed off and angry but i can act infront of her like nothing. i can go for casting ady n win some acting prizes wei! today's lunch she was damn embarrassed to look at my eyes directly and she even tease me with those awkward things that i've done, which makes me felt even pissed off n wanna punch her. damn it la.. i'm not hating her but hating myself now. wtf.

i dont even know wat am i doing now. being used? then later on dump me alone? bah, bff sounds so sweet but not wif her.. i wanna go kill myself now. T.T