how do u defined bff

i've post this status on my fb 2 days ago, and wondering what's bff for.. yea.. bff again.. in my case it's different story.. normally bff is the one who shares the joy & sadness with you, the one who understand you the most & also the person who knows what you're thinking..

urgh i dont know how to start the story between us, both of us knew each other for many years, and the click between us just happened like that, we've been doing alot of silly things together, girlie nightout, gossiping & also support each other. bah, i think it's all over now, i'm really really upset with her, i dont even know how to describe her now. just plain disappointment, and my heart breaks.. haih

i was so jealous and envy on those bff who really can get along so well, but not for me.. i know i have another bunch of best buddies, but still not close as you, you're just like my big sister, we share alot of things together, and we know what's thinking in our heart..

bah i dont want to find myself so suffering because of her, i have my own life, i still got a bunch of friends who can cheer me up every moments, my family who always support me :) wanna thanks harvey call me all the way from perth just to comfort me on that night, appreciate it alot and thanks to him :) i really lost and dunno what to do, i tried to find those happy memories between us again but still not enough to cover my sadness.

i dont know who shall i talk to.. i really need a shoulder now, my tears just couldnt hold, for what she meant to me and what had she done to me, you now can called me dump carmen just because i'm too emo on this, but think about it, it's what best friends for, not even for bf or husband, for me i'll put family & friends 1st, relationship may last long but family & friendship will last till you dead..

i'm truly truly upset with you, please dont come back to me anymore, i dont want to hurt myself again, i rather go and meet new friends, which i already do have a bunch of buddies even better than you! you're just too selfish, i'm not emo here, i dont want people to pity on me.. that's how i stand strong now..

i need a new bff, who wants to be my new bff :p

pissed

i know i shouldnt be ranting again but this round i really couldnt tahan the anger in my heart. n i just wan to speak it out!

case happened on my 'bff' again. i know i'm still calling her my bff coz we're really close wif each other. n i aso dunno y i still stick around wif her -.-"

#1
she's always sick n i'm tired to care about her anymore. her pithiness couldnt melts my heart anymore. once she's sick, she'll on mc n her jobs automatically i'll take over. her company always pass those dog shit jobs up when it's rush or urgent. work matter i cant stand for her attitude. no responsible at all. sometimes even her boss blame it on me -.-"

#2
we're not having lunch so often anymore. although working in the same building but we hardly see each other. so this day was my grandma passed away, n i only told my colleague about the news then rush back home. she got to know it later then she sms that she felt sorry for my lost. n she'll b coming to my hse dat night to pay her last respect to my grandma. btw each n everyone in my family & relative knows her. and so 1st day couldnt settle the things yet, so i ask her to come the next day. dah la very sad, she go n kepoh n tell the others friends about my lost. n i was damn paiseh when some of them call me directly to cheer me up. but i'm just not in that mood to keep on telling wat happened -.-"

then the next day she smsed me again n ask how's the thing going. so i said if u wan then come lor. but later at night she called me but i didnt managed to pick up her call bcoz of the praying stuff. then i smsed her n she replied back that she cant come, next day only come. so i just replied if u cant come then nvm la.. no one will blame it on u.. n i think she feels guilty, she called me after that, saying that she's still sick n cant come, and then the coughing thing & voice losing thing appear again (which i ady sick of it) i dont know if she's sincere to care about me and cheer me up in the phone call. upset wif her, some more she still can say she very missed my grandma -.-"

#3
case not finished yet, funeral ceremony ends very late on mon, n i cant wake up to work on the next day, too tired from the cleaning house part n aso sleepless nites for past few days. she called me on tues afternoon, asking me whether wanted to do lunch together. i was like wtf, cant u just leave me alone? i told her i was sleeping & wont b able to go work. so i rested in hse for whole afternoon, but at nite i just couldnt stayed at home coz i'll think of my grandma again n desperately wanted to go out. so i asked her out for a drink but she said she's having dinner with her friends n ask me to join aso. but i damn moody n dont feel like to social, i just wanted to be with my close friend. but i didnt tell her that, i just said i dont feel like going.

#4
still related with previous case, i told her that nite i was damn upset & cried so many times just for that nite, but somehow i feel better after some chatting wif harvey who cheer me up n even called up all the way from perth. n then the next day out wif khang for desserts. she knew i was telling her how i need a fren to be with me badly, and she tried to care about me only the next day, she felt guilty. so she was trying to be very nice to me, even ask me to go shopping after work the next day. i aso dunno y i sor sor follow her go shopping, or mayb i need some retail therapy. at least i still got my shopping kaki to do all the silly girly stuff.. n she aso ask me out again on next day, which is fri, go to some night club with her friends, coz i told her i need some drinks on weekend, but i rejected her coz i really dont feel like to know new frens. still have heal from the sadness.

#5
so on fri she didnt call me or see me for the whole day, and she told me before this sat she wanted me to help her to take some profile pic in the studio. so i smsed her on sat afternoon asking wat time she'll be coming so that i can prepare, i even postponed my family dinner just for her. when she called me back that time n said she couldnt make it i was damn angry n damn pissed off, coz this photoshot was planned on early of the month n due to my grandma passed away we postponed it for a few times ady. the most angry part is before this she keep on asking me when i free can help, n when we set the date ady, she's giving lame excuse to turned off this photoshot. wtf.

#6
then on sun afternoon, i gt her sms asking me whether i wanted to go mv wif her arnot, i just rejected her, n still very angry for ffk-ing me. but she called me again at nite, around 8 n asking me whether i can do the photoshot for her coz she urgently needed to send for audition. me soft heart again when she beg me on phone, coz she said she only needs simple 1 and send 1 or 2 photos only. so i'm ok with it since i'm done wif family dinner n shop in hypermarkets wif parents. so when she arrived in studio she told me she needs to take 2 diff styles which i totally stunned for awhile, some more need to take my gown for shooting -.-" i damn layan her that time. i damn regret to help her, making myself so damn suffer, some more i damn tired yest.she even request so many things which i wanted to slap on her or i just leave the studio. but i didnt do that, i was too nice to be bullied. i even show my black face to her ady but she just dont care, even the camera is spoiled she still managed to ask another friend come for help -.-" i totally speechless. we shot until 12 n i cant stand it anymore, i just told her its done, she dont dare to say anything n only chat wif the other fren. i dont know y i'll still treat her so nice? she din make me happy but suffering.. urgggghhhhhh damn gerammmmmmmmmmm

#7
damn it, i dont know why today i ask her for lunch. stupid me. just call me crazy. i still very pissed off and angry but i can act infront of her like nothing. i can go for casting ady n win some acting prizes wei! today's lunch she was damn embarrassed to look at my eyes directly and she even tease me with those awkward things that i've done, which makes me felt even pissed off n wanna punch her. damn it la.. i'm not hating her but hating myself now. wtf.

i dont even know wat am i doing now. being used? then later on dump me alone? bah, bff sounds so sweet but not wif her.. i wanna go kill myself now. T.T

muah bffs

(first of all bff=bestfriendforever in case u dont understand)
*bleh*

knowing both of them since.. erm, almost 5 years? phew time flies! at first wasnt that close yet but after the college orientation all stuff we get to know better and always hang out together (fyi they are my juniors) but how come i always get along so well with my juniors but not my coursemates? hmm..

let me introduce my 1st bff.. hiki or now named as gene are so close to me since both of us working upstairs and downstairs in the same block (me n her company is partnering) so we do always work together and hang out together most of the time (and it makes all my colleagues and her colleagues thinks that we're twins! lol)



we work together eat together even sharing stuff together!
okay now i was thinking where to have lunch with her later :p or even dinner and partay tonight? hehe

she's a very tough girl but too stubborn! we both are 2 very different personality (and very opposite!) but get along very well! maybe this is the perfect match for both of us as she's tough and i'm soft, that's why can combined so well and no argument or conflict in between us (we shall see how's our future would be :p)

the 2nd bff is sam! haha



we knew each other since we're in high school time! where we always going to the same library to study (that's for spm studies!) and he were in form 6 that time. we 'officially' knew each other is during college orientation where i found him so familiar and always hang out in the same place but dont know each other yet, until i saw his '1st kiss to a guy'! lol recalled back the times during college was so fun! until i even had a crush with him (okay that was a past, not a secret anymore :p)

but now he became my bff no2 *bleh* we share our dreams together - yes, to become creative director in famous international agency or our future agency! haha, and we both also wanted to go overseas to get degree! now thinking of getting master instead of degree! we have so many similarity that could hold our friendship so tight!

and they're also bff to each others too!



he he, both of them also known each other very well! but too bad they cant get to be couple.. hmm.. but nevermind, we are 'happy three friends'!



those pics suddenly inspired me to write this post! taken from an outing last sat where me and gene had dinner at asia cafe then head to kim gary to meet sam yam cha!

phew friendship build in a second but how long can it last? how many truely bff does you have? i'm so glad i've found both of you *muackss*

it's been awhile since i last camwhore and showing my face :p



very recent me! with long hair tied up or so called pony tail and a 'curry puff' for my long fringe! lol

happy fridays everyone! i love friday!

xoxo, carmen

ps: gossip girl are tempting! scandalous! so does moonlight resonance, money or family? so gan qiong!