emo

useless post. just ignore me at this moment. blarghhhh

pissed

i know i shouldnt be ranting again but this round i really couldnt tahan the anger in my heart. n i just wan to speak it out!

case happened on my 'bff' again. i know i'm still calling her my bff coz we're really close wif each other. n i aso dunno y i still stick around wif her -.-"

#1
she's always sick n i'm tired to care about her anymore. her pithiness couldnt melts my heart anymore. once she's sick, she'll on mc n her jobs automatically i'll take over. her company always pass those dog shit jobs up when it's rush or urgent. work matter i cant stand for her attitude. no responsible at all. sometimes even her boss blame it on me -.-"

#2
we're not having lunch so often anymore. although working in the same building but we hardly see each other. so this day was my grandma passed away, n i only told my colleague about the news then rush back home. she got to know it later then she sms that she felt sorry for my lost. n she'll b coming to my hse dat night to pay her last respect to my grandma. btw each n everyone in my family & relative knows her. and so 1st day couldnt settle the things yet, so i ask her to come the next day. dah la very sad, she go n kepoh n tell the others friends about my lost. n i was damn paiseh when some of them call me directly to cheer me up. but i'm just not in that mood to keep on telling wat happened -.-"

then the next day she smsed me again n ask how's the thing going. so i said if u wan then come lor. but later at night she called me but i didnt managed to pick up her call bcoz of the praying stuff. then i smsed her n she replied back that she cant come, next day only come. so i just replied if u cant come then nvm la.. no one will blame it on u.. n i think she feels guilty, she called me after that, saying that she's still sick n cant come, and then the coughing thing & voice losing thing appear again (which i ady sick of it) i dont know if she's sincere to care about me and cheer me up in the phone call. upset wif her, some more she still can say she very missed my grandma -.-"

#3
case not finished yet, funeral ceremony ends very late on mon, n i cant wake up to work on the next day, too tired from the cleaning house part n aso sleepless nites for past few days. she called me on tues afternoon, asking me whether wanted to do lunch together. i was like wtf, cant u just leave me alone? i told her i was sleeping & wont b able to go work. so i rested in hse for whole afternoon, but at nite i just couldnt stayed at home coz i'll think of my grandma again n desperately wanted to go out. so i asked her out for a drink but she said she's having dinner with her friends n ask me to join aso. but i damn moody n dont feel like to social, i just wanted to be with my close friend. but i didnt tell her that, i just said i dont feel like going.

#4
still related with previous case, i told her that nite i was damn upset & cried so many times just for that nite, but somehow i feel better after some chatting wif harvey who cheer me up n even called up all the way from perth. n then the next day out wif khang for desserts. she knew i was telling her how i need a fren to be with me badly, and she tried to care about me only the next day, she felt guilty. so she was trying to be very nice to me, even ask me to go shopping after work the next day. i aso dunno y i sor sor follow her go shopping, or mayb i need some retail therapy. at least i still got my shopping kaki to do all the silly girly stuff.. n she aso ask me out again on next day, which is fri, go to some night club with her friends, coz i told her i need some drinks on weekend, but i rejected her coz i really dont feel like to know new frens. still have heal from the sadness.

#5
so on fri she didnt call me or see me for the whole day, and she told me before this sat she wanted me to help her to take some profile pic in the studio. so i smsed her on sat afternoon asking wat time she'll be coming so that i can prepare, i even postponed my family dinner just for her. when she called me back that time n said she couldnt make it i was damn angry n damn pissed off, coz this photoshot was planned on early of the month n due to my grandma passed away we postponed it for a few times ady. the most angry part is before this she keep on asking me when i free can help, n when we set the date ady, she's giving lame excuse to turned off this photoshot. wtf.

#6
then on sun afternoon, i gt her sms asking me whether i wanted to go mv wif her arnot, i just rejected her, n still very angry for ffk-ing me. but she called me again at nite, around 8 n asking me whether i can do the photoshot for her coz she urgently needed to send for audition. me soft heart again when she beg me on phone, coz she said she only needs simple 1 and send 1 or 2 photos only. so i'm ok with it since i'm done wif family dinner n shop in hypermarkets wif parents. so when she arrived in studio she told me she needs to take 2 diff styles which i totally stunned for awhile, some more need to take my gown for shooting -.-" i damn layan her that time. i damn regret to help her, making myself so damn suffer, some more i damn tired yest.she even request so many things which i wanted to slap on her or i just leave the studio. but i didnt do that, i was too nice to be bullied. i even show my black face to her ady but she just dont care, even the camera is spoiled she still managed to ask another friend come for help -.-" i totally speechless. we shot until 12 n i cant stand it anymore, i just told her its done, she dont dare to say anything n only chat wif the other fren. i dont know y i'll still treat her so nice? she din make me happy but suffering.. urgggghhhhhh damn gerammmmmmmmmmm

#7
damn it, i dont know why today i ask her for lunch. stupid me. just call me crazy. i still very pissed off and angry but i can act infront of her like nothing. i can go for casting ady n win some acting prizes wei! today's lunch she was damn embarrassed to look at my eyes directly and she even tease me with those awkward things that i've done, which makes me felt even pissed off n wanna punch her. damn it la.. i'm not hating her but hating myself now. wtf.

i dont even know wat am i doing now. being used? then later on dump me alone? bah, bff sounds so sweet but not wif her.. i wanna go kill myself now. T.T

RIP ah mah

(actually i have a draft in my pending post about my aussie trip experience but haven finish writing)

yesterday got a shocking news from mum, around 10am in the morning i received call from mummy saying that ah mah seems passed away, aunty said she's not breathing anymore.. i was stunned awhile then faster made a call to aunty & uncle to inform them. then i quickly grab my car key & drove back home. that time my whole body is shaking, and even cried in the car. When back home, she's lying on the bed ady......

i still remembered when i'm out for work in the morning yesterday she still open her eyes and sees me. but that's the last chance that i've seen her! :'(

recall back so much memories that we have, and how much she loves me.. :'( i just couldnt continue story telling anymore.. it makes me tears again..

ah mah, may u rest in peace, u'll always be remembered. i'll miss u heaps!

hello world

dragging myself back to work today.

phew!

another long break~

oh fyi i'm just back from perth, the land of aussie (if you didnt managed to see my facebook status update) he he

and i'm kinda miss aussie now!

i'm recharged now & shall work harder! :D

guess this is the biggest treatment i've done so far for myself :D

will blog in details for my aussie trip soon!

up&down

sorry for being mia again!

what i've done for the past weeks was hilarious!

let me summarize on my crazy schedule:

*checking my organizer*

19th march

was mummy's bday, planned for a birthday dinner but she didnt really enjoyed it, so sorry mummy that i've to rush back to off & work that night after dinner :(

20th march

woke up early in the morning at 5 to go putrajaya for hot air balloon event with khang, meet a new friend, joanne and was having lots of fun for the entire shooting! ah xian dim sum after that. then back home showered & head to eden to work. was supposed to meet up with ky then he asked me along for dinner with chai & jerry at vintry. nice steaks & nice wine. second round was drinking at library (again). then went for supper at tmn sea, bad things happened! i crashing my baby's skirting :( damn sad. passed out at 4! was bloody tired for the whole day!

21st march

be good girl & stay in eden to work.

22nd march

went for movie. just another pandora box was hilarious. bad movie.

23rd march

busy in office & eden

24th march

early morning went klcc for meeting & lunch at pavilion

25th march

busy in office & eden

26th march

khang dropped by at eden with his mum, then he ajak to drink with hoe in the apartment. evil them convince me to go perth, giving me 1001 reason why i should go along! some more we even drop by to hoe's hse to check for airfares!

27th march

back to office to work abit before leaving for hk trip, then to eden

28th march

this day is insane i tell you! so many things happened in just a day. was busy in eden for the whole morning & afternoon, then hafta rush my freelance job before leave. then in the afternoon got a shocking news that fay's dad has passed away, all damn moody & damn emo, we was supposed to be happy coz the next day is our flight to hk but everything changed. fay didnt got to go & the rest were thinking should we go in this difficult time, coz we've been trying to finished up everything in hand for this trip, and this trip was planned a year ago! was damn mad & damn upset. but still we made our decision for going coz the air ticket & hotel is already been booked, cant cancel. me finished up everything then back home & pack, yes i haven start to pack till last min, flight at 7am so i hafta go airport at 4. by the time i back home already 11, and i beg ck to help me to bring over my laptop back to off, then start packing & cleaning up. in the mean time, khang was calling me non-stop to ask me how was the decision that i've made whether to go perth or not, coz i said i need 1 day to consider 1st. as i settle everything, sat infront of the comp checking mails & all stuff, i dunno why i'll have the urged to book air ticket! maybe i'm too stressed out that time & all the unhappy things happened on me so i need an escape! and i've made my decision to go perth after counting & counting the budgets that i've. been tried to book for 2 times via debit from acc but failed. so i called khang n told him this is the fate, airasia dont allowed me to book & i'm to kiam siap to pay the 10bucks for credit card convenience fee. hah! but then khang said he pay for me :p so i tried 1 more time using credit card, if still fail then i'll just dont go, but guess what, transaction successful! i called back khang again & he was damn happy, and called hoe after that and he was so shocked! ahahha.. i can know that their expression is priceless! and they proof their convincing skill is damn good -.-" basically that day my emotions just like roller coaster! life is interesting without expectation & somehow there's always a brighter way after those rainy days! managed to grab 2 hrs of sleeps before heading to airport.

29th march

this mark the journey to hk start. arrived in lcct at 4.30am, was abit early so we chill at mcd. those 2 guys din get to sleep for the whole night. so they passed out in the plane. reach hk at 11am, checked in hotel & walk around hk for the 1st day. i was kinda afraid coz i'll be sleeping alone in the hotel room :( was dead tired for the 1st day & damn cold!

30th march

woke up early morning & head to shen zhen, sight seeing & do some shopping, for eden not for our ownself. back to hk at 4am! damn tired! i think holidays are more tired & exhausted from working!

31st march

woke up early & head to macao. being tourist & round the whole island. and i got some luck in casino! whoohoo!

1st april

this day was the last day & last night to stay in hk. went to dai yu shan & the peak and do some last min shopping.

2nd april

flight at 11.30am, so early morning went to airport & hang around. departed in kl around 4, then straight head back to eden to work -.-" back home only at 11pm. damn tired!

3rd april

haven unpack luggage yet & hafta woke up early again to go qing ming! damn tiring, then afternoon work at eden & at night having early birthday celebration with s6ians at jaya 1, then to hoe's hse for chit chatting. applied for visa as well!

4th april

worked in eden again then at night went to 1U for NHW event which i did the jobs & rush like hell.

5th april

busy in office!

6th april

busy in office! was damn pissed off by colleagues & boss about the work that i've done. rush like hell but end up no appreciation but scolding me for not prepare the artwork earlier. it's not my fault but blaming me like hell! wtf!

7th april

also busy in office! already sick & tired of work so planned for a movie that night with s6ians. damn pissed off again when i saw gene in pyramid shopping but i'm ot-ing until 8pm! damn! all her jobs passed to me, like eat all her shits! i've no more hopes for this bff anymore, and she's not even my bff, betrayed me & always find me for her own goods! i'm already very disappointed. some more she still wan to pretend infront of me! what a friend's for! haih. story aside, movie was okay, then head to yam cha at ss15, then call it a day!

8th april

was damn busy in office again! damn pissed off again & again! actually hoe & khang asked to play rame but i've no mood, i suggest to go drink, that night tien aso very stressed out, so we went to brussels & drink & drink! phew! there's no stress when you be with your old friends, just like with a family, without any worries & they'll automatically cheer you up!

9th april

today was the gd49 annual gathering. was busy in office again and again! been a week didnt managed to go eden! then i head to library (again!) straight for meeting them up. and having dinner & happy hour there, so glad to see them again! everyone is changing! and they even bought me a cake on the eve of my birthday! :D

10th april

happy birthday to me! morning got an angpao from mummy! then start my day working in eden. was busy as well -.-" whole day didnt get to eat, only managed to grab dinner at home, and that was 8pm! then faster dressed up & head to library (again & again!) for my real birthday celebration (pix can refer to my facebook) was damn tipsy & damn high that night. i enjoyed myself very much & damn happy to see my friends who came :D but there's always something that pissed me off, so called bff again destroyed my mood again. haih. i dunwan to talk about her anymore how she treat me & what had happened. i just dunwan to rmb all the sad case. i just wan to rmb my bday celebration was awesome!

11th april

damn blurred. coz hafta wake up early again for qing ming. damn headache and still having hangover for the whole day. sleep throughout the whole day & work at home.

12th april

busy busy busy in office again! hoe called & ask if i wanted to go to his place & rame again since the day before they already had their mahjong session. so i said i'll take my dinner 1st then only head to his place. arrived there already 10.30pm. then rame until 12.30pm back home & passed out.

13th april & 14th april

combined this 2 days as the same thing goes on-busy in office!

15th april

today was kinda free abit, still can go ikano do some shopping during lunch time & went to mv for currency changing after work at 8pm. but did get to change coz the rate is still very high :( shopping alone is fun!

16th april

and for today now i'm typing this blog post. whoa damn tired to type so many words. hope that's a good day ahead. happy friday ppl! and happy weekends!

shall update again! till then! cant wait for my trip to perth next week! weeee~

okay post some happy pictures up here to brighten my day :))

thanks for my friends & family who wished me! love u guys! xoxo