I'm nobody

Hello world. I almost forgot I got a blog that need to be update. Long hiatus. Anyway dont bother to read it also because it's useless emo blog here, the place for me to rant out my emotions when I've nobody to talk to. I was er.. Feels so hopeless recently & I don't know what's the reason, perhaps it's the time for me to settle down? I mean I've settled down with my jobs, but what else Im worried about? I don't know. I've travelled alot last year and starting to travel again in this few months but I've nothing to shout about. I don't feel excited at all.. Actually I just wan to travel alone but I'm scared.. Bahh no use for me to talk more and repeating the same old problems I have. It doesn't mean anything to you all and so do I. I don't care what's going to happen next, I just want to spice up my life every second I have. Who knows the next seconds or next minute will be the worlds end? I doubt everyone now was planning on their future, but not me, I just wan a life that's truely mine and enjoy it. Sounds ridiculous right? I'm actually hoping for a better me, which I'm trying so hard to do it. Sometimes it doesn't reflects to what I need but what I want.. Confusing right.. I also not sure about myself too!

Let me update my life currently:
Family all good, bro just graduated but haven got a job yet. Family time getting more and more since bro moved back to house.
Work is all good, keep on learning, but sometimes feels so tired and irritating when jobs turned out to be a mess.. More than an one leg kick person in office sometimes could be good but sometimes not.. And I hafta stand it and hold it because it's my rice bowl for my living cost.
Relationship I dunno how to describe it, can't be expect too much and I hafta give more time to him. Alot of my friends is getting engaged or married but I don't think I'm in the right time yet.. I don't want to think for future.. As I already wrote it out at the 1st place.. Actually I still don't know what I want yet.. Hmm
Friends is now getting closer, spend more quality time for gathering and meet ups..
Business was going smooth but there's still some issue to sort it out, I'm not working 24/7 anymore.. I'm human and I deserved to rest.. Phew!

Well what goes around turns around, I'll try not to destroy it and live a better life that I could! Cheer up carmen! Everything will be alright!

累了。哭了。倦了。

march 2011

i guess its the time for me to update the blog?
because ive things to rant out again.. well i think no one will bother to read my emo blog also, its like a dead sheets full of shits (omg it rhyme -.-)

but but.. im sick of ranting out all my problems that im having again.. so sickening! boooo!

i need a break again!
and i shall start planning for my birthday celebration.. hehe

lets rock the world like thr's no tml!

current song playing on itunes: doesnt mean anything - alicia keys

was uninspired to blog.. i just have the urge to write something out! hmm.. let's talk about my current status of living - peace n calm.. i've learned how to calm down myself recently due to some unexpected things that happened.. sometimes i just dont give a fuck on the reality but heck.. it's reality and i cant just work based on my emotions.. i know i'm just that kind of person who uses right brain.. think logically is not my type.. but somehow i've now tried to balance it with my logic and emotions thinking.. i know i cant always be so demanding or doing something without thinking it..

hmm maybe i'm just pretend to be someone who can archive everything in life.. i cheated! im so sick and tired, that's why everything come to me i doesnt feel it at all.. not if it's a big deal la.. trying to live with peace now.. but sometime i do need some sparkles in my life :)) i need to stop to be so greedy and takes everything as a compliment for me..

that's all for now..
happy chap goh mei!
xoxo

happy birthday to piggy!

dedicate this post to shane the piggy!
may all ur wishes come true!

already gave him the surprise present & card, wondering today will there be any surprise for him also? hehe

xoxo, baby

fckin perfect

i dont know where shall i start this post.. alot of thoughts again and again.. my blog now is currently the place for me to rant out!

actually i was very disappointed.. and somehow very sad at the moment.. i just cant except the truth.. not that ive expected something, its beyond my expectation.. 1st of all is my work.. ive been to afew of interviews last month & this month, and ive rejected a job offer which i felt guilty! and now its officially, er.. not officially yet but i can tell that m2 is closing real soon, and this year i dont have any increment and bonus.. how sad! i really really wish to stay in this company as this is my very very 1st company and ive learn alot of stuff from here, but somehow it cant grow anymore.. if boss wanted to let me handle the company i dont think i can coop it.. well, i think i should just goto other places to explore myself.. maybe i really need a new environment but im just afraid to take it.. haih.. i think im damn failed la.. well see how it goes la.. im just going to try as much as i can..

as for eden.. i think its quite settle down already.. so there's not much worried on it and ill slowly leave for it to grow.. i do not want to think on the worst part for me in eden, but i really hope that there's appreciation on my hard work on it :))

further studies are now still bothering me.. i dont know if i still want to go for it now.. or maybe not at the moment since there's alot of things that need me to work hard on it.. and ive problem to fund my studies fees.. no matter how hard i earn the money, i just cant save :( sad case.. haih..

and being in the relationship arent perfect for me.. not to say shane is not treating me well but there's alot of room for us.. both of our personality is very similar.. and im really scared if both of us fight until very very teruk and ended up both of us is hurt.. i dont understand shane well, but i trust him.. im wondering why ill have such a strong feeling towards him.. im afraid! for once im afraid of losing in the relationship.. ive never had this kind of feelings to my ex-es but he's the special one.. i cant hope that we have a bright future but for sure ill try my very very best to be with him.. for once im very jealous right now, and did something that i arent supposed to do.. ive checked his email.. i know everyone got their own privacy but this is so coincidentally he told me the password of his email and i accidentally found the emails that he used to send to his ex.. i feel like i'm just a replacement for her ex.. which totally shocked me! i dont expect him to tell me the pass story but i just couldnt stand the lie.. haih.. i feel so upset everytime.. but think back the way that we got together and what we're having is such a miracles.. ill just let god to decide the road for me..

i shall let my emo hide inside my heart.. im not hurt but all this is not that i wished for.. i wont blame anyone.. and i feel sorry to my friends and family who always supported me.. im sorry.. this is so fckin perfect life i had..

happy 2011

1st post of the year! happy new year all..

hope this year would be a better year for me.. and seriously i need a big change!
go go carmen!

xoxo

2011 resolutions

phew time flies..

doing my annual blog post thingy, here's what i wrote on last year and the highlighted red is what i've done so far:

here's the list of my resolution for the year of 2010:

- sayang my body and take good care of my health (that's a must!) trying so hard!
- target earn 80k next year i think i've only earned 50k this year.. gambatteh again!
- car & phone got it ady, must maintain haha! i got iphone4! maintaining still..
- start saving more, target 1k per month failed.. not even rm500 -.-"
- invest on housing, guess it's time to start planning to buy a new house for myself! failed too! too much of traveling this year!
- more trips & gateway! check check check! damn proud of it! 6 countries in total!
- changing to a new working environment (well, every year i did say the same thing but i still stick with my current company -.-") still stuck here -.-"
- be more brave to myself, do not shy to ask! (which i'm coz i know i'm so introvert!) changing!
- start gym or yoga! need diet! i need to slim down! damn failed for this!
- more shopping to pamper myself more :p yeap! more on shopping overseas! hehe
- more time for families & old friends yes.. accomplished this!
- get a bf! lol i'm serious! hell ya.. i've found one :p
- get more books to read.. been stopping buying books recently -.-" i think i bought only 3 books this year.. time to get some books soon..

wow it seems i kinda success on my last year's resolutions.. and i'm really proud of it.. i guess time had changed me to become another better and wiser person.. and no doubt i still need to work very hard for my future.. so here's my resolution for 2011..

• still a good & healthy lifestyle.. cut down on drinking..
• change all my bad habits!
• target earning: 80k (ya again)
• target saving: 1k per month
• start investing more.. besides business, mutual fund & insurance.. but on housing & shares..
• more trips & gateway! target: melbourne/sydney
• further studies in overseas.. get my master in design!
• leave eden (ok.. this is kinda sad.. maybe i'll just leave for the sake of good.. tragic!)
• new working environment! yes! again!
• spend trips for family, we hardly have a trip together!
• slim down!!! diet diet diet! 40kg!
• getting to know more friends, and connect back with old friends
• get a new laptop & ipad.. time to upgrade! :p

oh well.. that's what i can think off for now.. it's not hard to archive but it really takes alot of time & hard work.. finger crossed this time i'll be able to check all in the list :))

speaking of what i've done in this year.. here's the summarize version:
(dig out my organizer and check back)

january 2010
mostlt busy in eden, spend alot of time with eden's family.. had been drinking alot too.. with genki, yuki and gang.. and with chai's gang.. attended eric & erica's wedding dinner.. and had my apraisal by boss.. telling him that i'm going to further my studies..

february 2010

there's alot of s6ians outing since then.. and not to forgot it's the cny month, alot of eating, drinking & gambling.. hehe.. oh i've won rm650 from genting! woohoo! and oh.. fay suddenly left eden.. there's alot of comflicts in between.. tension!

march 2010

went to SHE concert cortesy of bro.. and i've done quite alot of yamcha session & photography session with khang.. got a shocking news that fay's dad had passed away.. so hk trip only left me rick n fred.. was not really enjoyed for the whole trip.. the most shocking part.. i've book tic to perth! thanks to the evil hoe & khang! and i broke my car skirting T.T

april 2010

it's my birthday month.. and there's 2 weeks of birthday celebration with friends & family.. and there's alot of s6ian outings too.. but mostly is with hoe & khang.. because need to plan for perth trip! oh annual gathering for gd49 was held in library.. spend the last week of the month in the land of aussie.. had so much fun.. the most happiest moment in my life! (omg i haven finished up my aussie post yet!)

may 2010

was quiet for the month because of travelling non-stop.. attended suet-ei's wedding dinner, our 1st s6ians who got married.. so happy for her.. and oh.. suddenly getting very close to harvey.. and hoe & khang was my best buddies now..

june 2010

sadnest month of the year.. grandma has passed away.. was very very sad.. luckily harvey is there to comfort me.. and i had to be a vegetarian for 49 days.. gateway to ho chi minh with mum & aunties.. being good girl all expenses cover by me.. but it was a very very noisy trip!

july 2010

there's nothing much happening in july.. drinking with colleague for the 1st time, and oh applied new credit card and helping lim to do some work for his new pub opening..

august 2010
luxy grand opening and continue helping lim to work for his cis.. and booked tic to macau during airasia promo! then the last trip of the year to bali.. and make the surprise decision again.. booked ticket to taiwan! phew..

september 2010
baby hit on divider when fetch selyn in lrt station T.T damn malu!! was busy working to earn more money!!

october 2010
party started this month onwards, alot of drinking session every week non-stop! and there's alot of things happened in this month! ky got a gf and i'm also in the relationship! most crazy month ever! and i've finally broke up with my bff! was damn emo and alot of shocking decision that i've made throughout this month.. and catch up with alot of old friends.. good to gossip again.. hehe.. and oh, attended genie's bb sebastian full moon party..

november 2010
alot of outings during this month, need to get more healthy lifestyle.. and also enjoy being in the relationship after so long.. hehe.. it's so nice pampered by your loved one.. and oh not to forgot i've attended interview! after dragging so long and finally making move!

december 2010
it's the festive month! and shane is starting to work and our time quite screwed up.. and even we started to argue more n more.. enlightened by henry after afew time of lunch together.. spent xmas eve alone.. damn emo.. but spending a nice xmas roadtrip with shane to pd & melacca.. and oh.. eden is doing it's 1st fair in sunway.. lots of things to busy! i wish my new year could be better, better hope for a brand new year and brand new me!

till then! xoxo

an update?

just noticed i still have a lot of drafts in my blog yet to be publish..
promised will update soon.. let me scramble out my resolutions of the year..

11days to christmas
18days to new year

xoxo

confused

i'm confused, for what i've done.. it does scared me for awhile, but now i was kinda regret for making a fast move.. i dont know it's the right decision i've done so far, i mean i trust my feel but somehow i doesnt feel uncomfortable.. i'm lost again, and i'm afraid i might lose again and again.. is this the feeling when you're in love? or i should stay away from being in a relationship? i guess only gods know the reason. i'm not letting myself to be hurt anymore, i need to be pampered! seriously my heart starting to bleed without warning me..

shock of life

yea, referring to my title above, that a real shock story that i wanted tell out.. seriously i dont know when isit started to happened but this is really scary.. i mean it's too fast for me to react..

just pray everything will be fine and go smooth, we'll never know when is the surprise and also what kind of things would be happened next.. live life to be interesting? hehe

shall not reveal it now, just let everything flow naturally :)

till then. xoxo

how do u defined bff

i've post this status on my fb 2 days ago, and wondering what's bff for.. yea.. bff again.. in my case it's different story.. normally bff is the one who shares the joy & sadness with you, the one who understand you the most & also the person who knows what you're thinking..

urgh i dont know how to start the story between us, both of us knew each other for many years, and the click between us just happened like that, we've been doing alot of silly things together, girlie nightout, gossiping & also support each other. bah, i think it's all over now, i'm really really upset with her, i dont even know how to describe her now. just plain disappointment, and my heart breaks.. haih

i was so jealous and envy on those bff who really can get along so well, but not for me.. i know i have another bunch of best buddies, but still not close as you, you're just like my big sister, we share alot of things together, and we know what's thinking in our heart..

bah i dont want to find myself so suffering because of her, i have my own life, i still got a bunch of friends who can cheer me up every moments, my family who always support me :) wanna thanks harvey call me all the way from perth just to comfort me on that night, appreciate it alot and thanks to him :) i really lost and dunno what to do, i tried to find those happy memories between us again but still not enough to cover my sadness.

i dont know who shall i talk to.. i really need a shoulder now, my tears just couldnt hold, for what she meant to me and what had she done to me, you now can called me dump carmen just because i'm too emo on this, but think about it, it's what best friends for, not even for bf or husband, for me i'll put family & friends 1st, relationship may last long but family & friendship will last till you dead..

i'm truly truly upset with you, please dont come back to me anymore, i dont want to hurt myself again, i rather go and meet new friends, which i already do have a bunch of buddies even better than you! you're just too selfish, i'm not emo here, i dont want people to pity on me.. that's how i stand strong now..

i need a new bff, who wants to be my new bff :p

ommmggeeee

been neglected this blog for awhile, so its time to update abit.. recently my mood has been up & down again.. down because of stress (again!! i know it's so yesterday) up because i've great bunch of friends & family.. i noticed my blog had really turned into a sentimental side of me.. hmm for those who wanted to know me well he/she should read my blog, the inner part of me.. lol

stress aside, and sickness too, oh i've been sick for days :( need to share something which it's really made my day :)

1st i bought an iphone4, ya i know i'm hype on the launch & also iphone4 heats, just being kiasu to own this baby! ok story telling time, i've pre-book a spot for the maxis launch, picked sat as i'll be free, not as crazy as others just to que on thurs mid nite.. read alot of incidents of getting the iphone4, so i decided to head to garden early in the morning on sat, luckily xine was working for maxis on dat day, so she can update me the latest status.. lol.. but when i got thr i wasnt in my slot to get the number yet.. hafta wait till 6pm, btw i reached at 11am.. so in between i dunno wat to do.. was chilling in the garden for the 1st few hours, went to borders n read some books, ended up buying 2 new graphic books, then meet up wif xine to get some coffee, when i was out from toilet meeting xine n colleague at the escalator there, there's an old lady watching me from top to bottom, and suddenly she speaks to me, she said my leg so white (btw i was wearing shorts) must becareful & dont walk alone, later criminal happen.. i was like wtf!? then faster nodded head & leave the place -.-" how come i got lectured by ppl in the public! duh.. went to starbucks later to get my coffee.. chill there awhile, surfing net using my 3G network!! coz starbucks wifi service is down -.-" makes some calls to friends & cousin called & asked if i wanted to sell off my iphone 3Gs.. after that i couldnt tahan to wait for another 3 more hours, been lepaking so hard only used 3 hours.. so i decided to go back to eden for awhile to handle some work.. jammed all the way back.. get some work done, then received xine msg saying that i can get my num d, so i quickly rush back to garden -.-" jammed all the way again.. then que awhile, got my num and finally time for food! haven been eating for the whole day.. while waiting xine to get her bag, i bumped into bryan, my coll junior.. his parents was waiting the num but they're running out of time because they got a movie to catch.. so he asked me wat num i've then i leave for dinner.. just going down to the escalator he called me again n asked me if i wanted to switched num wif him, n only need to wait for another 30 mins.. i was so happy because i ady waited for 1 whole day, how lucky am i to get it earlier.. lol so i told xine we go for our dinner after i took my iphone.. then i waited in the hall for 45 mins.. finally my turn! i was so blur until i walk to the wrong counter, because i know there's only 60 counter but my counter was 64.. i thought i heard wrongly or see wrongly, due to no food for whole day.. when i was guide to my counter there's another fat guy jump que! i was damn mad.. i need to wait until they finish 1st only until my turn.. haih.. good lucks end too soon.. get all my info done den i transfer to another counter.. and finally got my iphone4 -.-" so many adventure for my iphone purchase.. got my sim cut into microsim size, get a casing & screen protector for baby, oh bump into lionel when i bought my casing.. then me n xine off for dinner, we both are starving ady.. on the way when we walk from garden to mid valley, before the bridge connection i dont know why i slipped my new iphone4 n it dropped on the floor!!!! O.O i stunned awhile, was so calm faster pick it up, rub abit n continue walking, that time thr was passenger walking by n saw me dropping it.. xine was stunned thr too.. n i told xine nothing one.. but by the time we reach la manila cafe, sit down ady i suddenly feels so heartache! damn within 30 mins my baby kissed on the floor d! -.-" was damn no mood for the whole dinner.. haih.. some more was heading to hoe's place after that for small gathering.. n i was being the topic again for them to laugh at me!! ok story end.. i heartache again.. poor baby -.-"

2nd things, i sold off my iphone 3Gs to my cousin, was holding 2 iphones in a week, so gaya.. but dont think can afford 2 iphones, need to sell it off.. but was happy that i'm taking 2 iphone walk around in a week -.-"

3rd, i'm taking this very serious.. i'm thinking of further study.. ady start researching and applying online.. i cant believe it.. i'm making the move! seriously i'm thinking it very hard now is it possible for me? because i'll be taking my master either in the states or aussie, alot of plannings, financial & time arrangement to do.. i need back my passion, so ppl pls support me ok? he he

4th since last 2 weeks i'm partying hard again.. yea back to party life -.-" not antisocial anymore.. tml gonna have another party! ok i need to update my party closet.. lol

5th, can i say i love my family n friends again? i really wanted to thank my mum who always support me n take care of me, even though she mumble non stop, n my daddy being my driver to drive me around & always quietly supporting me at the back. i'll try to have more time for family.. n to my friends, i never felt so happy again.. they're cheering me up every moment :)) n i would really love to if i had the chance to be in a relationship.. heheh.. is there any possibility for us? hmm.. well just let it be..

6th my tripping for next year is confirmed!! may macau/hk; june langkawi; july taiwan.. wooohoooo.. now thinking some plan for year end.. i need an escape badly!

i really do wish my happy moments can last long, well at least it can cheer me up for not being so stress from work.. all i hope is everything will runs smoothly & taking things easy dont pressure myself.. a good sign n a good start for me now :)

till then xoxo

this is no so me

cant believe i'm changing my lifestyle now! haha. mayb i'm old and tired to go out? staying in is good but for my age now staying in on a holiday eve, are u crazy? "u shud go out drink & party" said inner part of my mind. "but i'm tired n dont feel like social"

so there you go, called me antisocial carmen. party & drinking & yam cha & dinner & shopping slowly remove from my routine. oh gosh, how i love my new life -.-" perhaps it's just for a short period? i dont know, i'm enjoying my silence night, since i'm home alone now (what a surprise!) but alot of works are waiting for me.. bah.. i wish i could remove my work from my routine too! hehe..

selamat hari raya & happy holidays to all!

regret

i dont know if i'm complaining here for my regrets, but oh wells, there's so many regrets that i've been thru for this pass few days which i wanted to rant it out again, thru my blog -.-"

i dont understand why am i still stepping on the ground but didnt moved on, i've been travelling so much on this year but it didnt really made me to move forward. problems still being here and couldnt even solve it again and again.. bahhhh..

for once i'm regret why am i still living, this is really depressing i know, i mean for all the things that i've done in this 24 years, regret on so many things! but sometimes i'll realized after i regretting on the things, i'll made my move to even better place. improvement huh? hmm i dont know if i'm still regretting on what i've chosen for my life to be but this is the way that i choose and i cant complain much, i mean really, this is all my fault, no one using a pistol and point at you to do all this things, but the stupid me go and did all the stuff that i arent supposed to do, being silly and idiot.. so from that way for being stupid and i learned from it, getting to be a better n smarter person..


i regret i dated with my ex, which he makes me suffering from all the pains and problems, but think wisely we do have a great memory, just that the fate is not with us and making me still struggling on what i've chosen, eden was one of the problem that he left me with, and now i'm the one who regretting for not putting down eden, since he can let it go easily, but i cant.. i blamed myself why i still being so ego, i mean i wanna success in everything that i wanted in my life, but i know it's hard. i was trying so hard to work in eden, but the rewards doenst seems to come to me yet i'm still stuck in it.. that kind of feelings no body would understand.. and i know let it go will be the best solution, just that i cant do it, say it is easy but it's damn hard for me to make the move! seriously! i dont know what the heck i'm still hoping for in eden, i mean it got its potential to grow, but it's been almost 3 years, i'm really tired, really..


and not only for that, i stayed in eden because of another reason as well, i dont know why eden was in my part of relationship, but human's got alot of sentimental feelings that you cant control since you work hard for it together and see it grows, same goes to my feeling towards this man. i regret i fall for him, and i dont know if we have the click since both of us are introvert type of person.. just too complicated to express how we're connected and also our communications & outings, it feels sweet when both of u spending time together, even only for work purpose, but also the problem is came from work as well, he was a very busy businessman and sometimes it's hardly for him to spend time with me, that's make me regret on why i'll fall for him, falling on this man which hurt myself badly and being stupid for helping him when he needs my help. why cant we get together because of work commitments? why? sometimes i regret knowing him, i know he's not the type that i'm looking for but i just couldnt control my feelings.. arghh


there's so many things that i've regret, and i still blaming my life here, why? why cant i just let all go and lets the life goes on? why i still keep complaining here where you know how stupid and silly you are.. why i can have a better opportunities and life but i'm scared to try out? life is so unexpected, i already putting down my egos but it seems doesnt really work on me.. i'm so scared and so blur with my life now!!

well, fred not, i'm taking things down slowly.. i'm changing again.. of coz to be a better person.. i cant look back what i've regret, i'll take on what i've regret and move on with my life, isnt this supposed to be? hmm i guess so.. if i'm not moving on i'll regret on my life.

i have so many things in my mind now but i couldnt think of what to write, somehow i feel so stressed on nothing.. it's public holiday today but i just feel unproductive, i need a rest, that's why i sleep for the whole afternoon today.. aiks.. life's getting boring because of all the shits, i need more loves & suports badly! :( just wish me luck on everything and hopes things is getting better. i do really hope for miracles. pls happen to me god!

btw happy merdeka to malaysia!

emo

useless post. just ignore me at this moment. blarghhhh

pissed

i know i shouldnt be ranting again but this round i really couldnt tahan the anger in my heart. n i just wan to speak it out!

case happened on my 'bff' again. i know i'm still calling her my bff coz we're really close wif each other. n i aso dunno y i still stick around wif her -.-"

#1
she's always sick n i'm tired to care about her anymore. her pithiness couldnt melts my heart anymore. once she's sick, she'll on mc n her jobs automatically i'll take over. her company always pass those dog shit jobs up when it's rush or urgent. work matter i cant stand for her attitude. no responsible at all. sometimes even her boss blame it on me -.-"

#2
we're not having lunch so often anymore. although working in the same building but we hardly see each other. so this day was my grandma passed away, n i only told my colleague about the news then rush back home. she got to know it later then she sms that she felt sorry for my lost. n she'll b coming to my hse dat night to pay her last respect to my grandma. btw each n everyone in my family & relative knows her. and so 1st day couldnt settle the things yet, so i ask her to come the next day. dah la very sad, she go n kepoh n tell the others friends about my lost. n i was damn paiseh when some of them call me directly to cheer me up. but i'm just not in that mood to keep on telling wat happened -.-"

then the next day she smsed me again n ask how's the thing going. so i said if u wan then come lor. but later at night she called me but i didnt managed to pick up her call bcoz of the praying stuff. then i smsed her n she replied back that she cant come, next day only come. so i just replied if u cant come then nvm la.. no one will blame it on u.. n i think she feels guilty, she called me after that, saying that she's still sick n cant come, and then the coughing thing & voice losing thing appear again (which i ady sick of it) i dont know if she's sincere to care about me and cheer me up in the phone call. upset wif her, some more she still can say she very missed my grandma -.-"

#3
case not finished yet, funeral ceremony ends very late on mon, n i cant wake up to work on the next day, too tired from the cleaning house part n aso sleepless nites for past few days. she called me on tues afternoon, asking me whether wanted to do lunch together. i was like wtf, cant u just leave me alone? i told her i was sleeping & wont b able to go work. so i rested in hse for whole afternoon, but at nite i just couldnt stayed at home coz i'll think of my grandma again n desperately wanted to go out. so i asked her out for a drink but she said she's having dinner with her friends n ask me to join aso. but i damn moody n dont feel like to social, i just wanted to be with my close friend. but i didnt tell her that, i just said i dont feel like going.

#4
still related with previous case, i told her that nite i was damn upset & cried so many times just for that nite, but somehow i feel better after some chatting wif harvey who cheer me up n even called up all the way from perth. n then the next day out wif khang for desserts. she knew i was telling her how i need a fren to be with me badly, and she tried to care about me only the next day, she felt guilty. so she was trying to be very nice to me, even ask me to go shopping after work the next day. i aso dunno y i sor sor follow her go shopping, or mayb i need some retail therapy. at least i still got my shopping kaki to do all the silly girly stuff.. n she aso ask me out again on next day, which is fri, go to some night club with her friends, coz i told her i need some drinks on weekend, but i rejected her coz i really dont feel like to know new frens. still have heal from the sadness.

#5
so on fri she didnt call me or see me for the whole day, and she told me before this sat she wanted me to help her to take some profile pic in the studio. so i smsed her on sat afternoon asking wat time she'll be coming so that i can prepare, i even postponed my family dinner just for her. when she called me back that time n said she couldnt make it i was damn angry n damn pissed off, coz this photoshot was planned on early of the month n due to my grandma passed away we postponed it for a few times ady. the most angry part is before this she keep on asking me when i free can help, n when we set the date ady, she's giving lame excuse to turned off this photoshot. wtf.

#6
then on sun afternoon, i gt her sms asking me whether i wanted to go mv wif her arnot, i just rejected her, n still very angry for ffk-ing me. but she called me again at nite, around 8 n asking me whether i can do the photoshot for her coz she urgently needed to send for audition. me soft heart again when she beg me on phone, coz she said she only needs simple 1 and send 1 or 2 photos only. so i'm ok with it since i'm done wif family dinner n shop in hypermarkets wif parents. so when she arrived in studio she told me she needs to take 2 diff styles which i totally stunned for awhile, some more need to take my gown for shooting -.-" i damn layan her that time. i damn regret to help her, making myself so damn suffer, some more i damn tired yest.she even request so many things which i wanted to slap on her or i just leave the studio. but i didnt do that, i was too nice to be bullied. i even show my black face to her ady but she just dont care, even the camera is spoiled she still managed to ask another friend come for help -.-" i totally speechless. we shot until 12 n i cant stand it anymore, i just told her its done, she dont dare to say anything n only chat wif the other fren. i dont know y i'll still treat her so nice? she din make me happy but suffering.. urgggghhhhhh damn gerammmmmmmmmmm

#7
damn it, i dont know why today i ask her for lunch. stupid me. just call me crazy. i still very pissed off and angry but i can act infront of her like nothing. i can go for casting ady n win some acting prizes wei! today's lunch she was damn embarrassed to look at my eyes directly and she even tease me with those awkward things that i've done, which makes me felt even pissed off n wanna punch her. damn it la.. i'm not hating her but hating myself now. wtf.

i dont even know wat am i doing now. being used? then later on dump me alone? bah, bff sounds so sweet but not wif her.. i wanna go kill myself now. T.T

RIP ah mah

(actually i have a draft in my pending post about my aussie trip experience but haven finish writing)

yesterday got a shocking news from mum, around 10am in the morning i received call from mummy saying that ah mah seems passed away, aunty said she's not breathing anymore.. i was stunned awhile then faster made a call to aunty & uncle to inform them. then i quickly grab my car key & drove back home. that time my whole body is shaking, and even cried in the car. When back home, she's lying on the bed ady......

i still remembered when i'm out for work in the morning yesterday she still open her eyes and sees me. but that's the last chance that i've seen her! :'(

recall back so much memories that we have, and how much she loves me.. :'( i just couldnt continue story telling anymore.. it makes me tears again..

ah mah, may u rest in peace, u'll always be remembered. i'll miss u heaps!

hello world

dragging myself back to work today.

phew!

another long break~

oh fyi i'm just back from perth, the land of aussie (if you didnt managed to see my facebook status update) he he

and i'm kinda miss aussie now!

i'm recharged now & shall work harder! :D

guess this is the biggest treatment i've done so far for myself :D

will blog in details for my aussie trip soon!

up&down

sorry for being mia again!

what i've done for the past weeks was hilarious!

let me summarize on my crazy schedule:

*checking my organizer*

19th march

was mummy's bday, planned for a birthday dinner but she didnt really enjoyed it, so sorry mummy that i've to rush back to off & work that night after dinner :(

20th march

woke up early in the morning at 5 to go putrajaya for hot air balloon event with khang, meet a new friend, joanne and was having lots of fun for the entire shooting! ah xian dim sum after that. then back home showered & head to eden to work. was supposed to meet up with ky then he asked me along for dinner with chai & jerry at vintry. nice steaks & nice wine. second round was drinking at library (again). then went for supper at tmn sea, bad things happened! i crashing my baby's skirting :( damn sad. passed out at 4! was bloody tired for the whole day!

21st march

be good girl & stay in eden to work.

22nd march

went for movie. just another pandora box was hilarious. bad movie.

23rd march

busy in office & eden

24th march

early morning went klcc for meeting & lunch at pavilion

25th march

busy in office & eden

26th march

khang dropped by at eden with his mum, then he ajak to drink with hoe in the apartment. evil them convince me to go perth, giving me 1001 reason why i should go along! some more we even drop by to hoe's hse to check for airfares!

27th march

back to office to work abit before leaving for hk trip, then to eden

28th march

this day is insane i tell you! so many things happened in just a day. was busy in eden for the whole morning & afternoon, then hafta rush my freelance job before leave. then in the afternoon got a shocking news that fay's dad has passed away, all damn moody & damn emo, we was supposed to be happy coz the next day is our flight to hk but everything changed. fay didnt got to go & the rest were thinking should we go in this difficult time, coz we've been trying to finished up everything in hand for this trip, and this trip was planned a year ago! was damn mad & damn upset. but still we made our decision for going coz the air ticket & hotel is already been booked, cant cancel. me finished up everything then back home & pack, yes i haven start to pack till last min, flight at 7am so i hafta go airport at 4. by the time i back home already 11, and i beg ck to help me to bring over my laptop back to off, then start packing & cleaning up. in the mean time, khang was calling me non-stop to ask me how was the decision that i've made whether to go perth or not, coz i said i need 1 day to consider 1st. as i settle everything, sat infront of the comp checking mails & all stuff, i dunno why i'll have the urged to book air ticket! maybe i'm too stressed out that time & all the unhappy things happened on me so i need an escape! and i've made my decision to go perth after counting & counting the budgets that i've. been tried to book for 2 times via debit from acc but failed. so i called khang n told him this is the fate, airasia dont allowed me to book & i'm to kiam siap to pay the 10bucks for credit card convenience fee. hah! but then khang said he pay for me :p so i tried 1 more time using credit card, if still fail then i'll just dont go, but guess what, transaction successful! i called back khang again & he was damn happy, and called hoe after that and he was so shocked! ahahha.. i can know that their expression is priceless! and they proof their convincing skill is damn good -.-" basically that day my emotions just like roller coaster! life is interesting without expectation & somehow there's always a brighter way after those rainy days! managed to grab 2 hrs of sleeps before heading to airport.

29th march

this mark the journey to hk start. arrived in lcct at 4.30am, was abit early so we chill at mcd. those 2 guys din get to sleep for the whole night. so they passed out in the plane. reach hk at 11am, checked in hotel & walk around hk for the 1st day. i was kinda afraid coz i'll be sleeping alone in the hotel room :( was dead tired for the 1st day & damn cold!

30th march

woke up early morning & head to shen zhen, sight seeing & do some shopping, for eden not for our ownself. back to hk at 4am! damn tired! i think holidays are more tired & exhausted from working!

31st march

woke up early & head to macao. being tourist & round the whole island. and i got some luck in casino! whoohoo!

1st april

this day was the last day & last night to stay in hk. went to dai yu shan & the peak and do some last min shopping.

2nd april

flight at 11.30am, so early morning went to airport & hang around. departed in kl around 4, then straight head back to eden to work -.-" back home only at 11pm. damn tired!

3rd april

haven unpack luggage yet & hafta woke up early again to go qing ming! damn tiring, then afternoon work at eden & at night having early birthday celebration with s6ians at jaya 1, then to hoe's hse for chit chatting. applied for visa as well!

4th april

worked in eden again then at night went to 1U for NHW event which i did the jobs & rush like hell.

5th april

busy in office!

6th april

busy in office! was damn pissed off by colleagues & boss about the work that i've done. rush like hell but end up no appreciation but scolding me for not prepare the artwork earlier. it's not my fault but blaming me like hell! wtf!

7th april

also busy in office! already sick & tired of work so planned for a movie that night with s6ians. damn pissed off again when i saw gene in pyramid shopping but i'm ot-ing until 8pm! damn! all her jobs passed to me, like eat all her shits! i've no more hopes for this bff anymore, and she's not even my bff, betrayed me & always find me for her own goods! i'm already very disappointed. some more she still wan to pretend infront of me! what a friend's for! haih. story aside, movie was okay, then head to yam cha at ss15, then call it a day!

8th april

was damn busy in office again! damn pissed off again & again! actually hoe & khang asked to play rame but i've no mood, i suggest to go drink, that night tien aso very stressed out, so we went to brussels & drink & drink! phew! there's no stress when you be with your old friends, just like with a family, without any worries & they'll automatically cheer you up!

9th april

today was the gd49 annual gathering. was busy in office again and again! been a week didnt managed to go eden! then i head to library (again!) straight for meeting them up. and having dinner & happy hour there, so glad to see them again! everyone is changing! and they even bought me a cake on the eve of my birthday! :D

10th april

happy birthday to me! morning got an angpao from mummy! then start my day working in eden. was busy as well -.-" whole day didnt get to eat, only managed to grab dinner at home, and that was 8pm! then faster dressed up & head to library (again & again!) for my real birthday celebration (pix can refer to my facebook) was damn tipsy & damn high that night. i enjoyed myself very much & damn happy to see my friends who came :D but there's always something that pissed me off, so called bff again destroyed my mood again. haih. i dunwan to talk about her anymore how she treat me & what had happened. i just dunwan to rmb all the sad case. i just wan to rmb my bday celebration was awesome!

11th april

damn blurred. coz hafta wake up early again for qing ming. damn headache and still having hangover for the whole day. sleep throughout the whole day & work at home.

12th april

busy busy busy in office again! hoe called & ask if i wanted to go to his place & rame again since the day before they already had their mahjong session. so i said i'll take my dinner 1st then only head to his place. arrived there already 10.30pm. then rame until 12.30pm back home & passed out.

13th april & 14th april

combined this 2 days as the same thing goes on-busy in office!

15th april

today was kinda free abit, still can go ikano do some shopping during lunch time & went to mv for currency changing after work at 8pm. but did get to change coz the rate is still very high :( shopping alone is fun!

16th april

and for today now i'm typing this blog post. whoa damn tired to type so many words. hope that's a good day ahead. happy friday ppl! and happy weekends!

shall update again! till then! cant wait for my trip to perth next week! weeee~

okay post some happy pictures up here to brighten my day :))

thanks for my friends & family who wished me! love u guys! xoxo