self-proclaimed [cute little princess™]'s e-diary

I'm nobody

2011-07-08T00:57:00.002+08:00

Hello world. I almost forgot I got a blog that need to be update. Long hiatus. Anyway dont bother to read it also because it's useless emo blog here, the place for me to rant out my emotions when I've nobody to talk to. I was er.. Feels so hopeless recently & I don't know what's the reason, perhaps it's the time for me to settle down? I mean I've settled down with my jobs, but what else Im worried about? I don't know. I've travelled alot last year and starting to travel again in this few months but I've nothing to shout about. I don't feel excited at all.. Actually I just wan to travel alone but I'm scared.. Bahh no use for me to talk more and repeating the same old problems I have. It doesn't mean anything to you all and so do I. I don't care what's going to happen next, I just want to spice up my life every second I have. Who knows the next seconds or next minute will be the worlds end? I doubt everyone now was planning on their future, but not me, I just wan a life that's truely mine and enjoy it. Sounds ridiculous right? I'm actually hoping for a better me, which I'm trying so hard to do it. Sometimes it doesn't reflects to what I need but what I want.. Confusing right.. I also not sure about myself too!

Let me update my life currently:
Family all good, bro just graduated but haven got a job yet. Family time getting more and more since bro moved back to house.
Work is all good, keep on learning, but sometimes feels so tired and irritating when jobs turned out to be a mess.. More than an one leg kick person in office sometimes could be good but sometimes not.. And I hafta stand it and hold it because it's my rice bowl for my living cost.
Relationship I dunno how to describe it, can't be expect too much and I hafta give more time to him. Alot of my friends is getting engaged or married but I don't think I'm in the right time yet.. I don't want to think for future.. As I already wrote it out at the 1st place.. Actually I still don't know what I want yet.. Hmm
Friends is now getting closer, spend more quality time for gathering and meet ups..
Business was going smooth but there's still some issue to sort it out, I'm not working 24/7 anymore.. I'm human and I deserved to rest.. Phew!

Well what goes around turns around, I'll try not to destroy it and live a better life that I could! Cheer up carmen! Everything will be alright!

2011-05-10T01:11:00.001+08:00

累了。哭了。倦了。

march 2011

2011-03-24T16:35:00.002+08:00

i guess its the time for me to update the blog?
because ive things to rant out again.. well i think no one will bother to read my emo blog also, its like a dead sheets full of shits (omg it rhyme -.-)

but but.. im sick of ranting out all my problems that im having again.. so sickening! boooo!

i need a break again!
and i shall start planning for my birthday celebration.. hehe

lets rock the world like thr's no tml!

2011-02-17T11:18:00.003+08:00

current song playing on itunes: doesnt mean anything - alicia keys

was uninspired to blog.. i just have the urge to write something out! hmm.. let's talk about my current status of living - peace n calm.. i've learned how to calm down myself recently due to some unexpected things that happened.. sometimes i just dont give a fuck on the reality but heck.. it's reality and i cant just work based on my emotions.. i know i'm just that kind of person who uses right brain.. think logically is not my type.. but somehow i've now tried to balance it with my logic and emotions thinking.. i know i cant always be so demanding or doing something without thinking it..

hmm maybe i'm just pretend to be someone who can archive everything in life.. i cheated! im so sick and tired, that's why everything come to me i doesnt feel it at all.. not if it's a big deal la.. trying to live with peace now.. but sometime i do need some sparkles in my life :)) i need to stop to be so greedy and takes everything as a compliment for me..

that's all for now..
happy chap goh mei!
xoxo

happy birthday to piggy!

2011-02-09T14:51:00.002+08:00

dedicate this post to shane the piggy!
may all ur wishes come true!

already gave him the surprise present & card, wondering today will there be any surprise for him also? hehe

xoxo, baby

fckin perfect

2011-01-27T14:52:00.002+08:00

i dont know where shall i start this post.. alot of thoughts again and again.. my blog now is currently the place for me to rant out!

actually i was very disappointed.. and somehow very sad at the moment.. i just cant except the truth.. not that ive expected something, its beyond my expectation.. 1st of all is my work.. ive been to afew of interviews last month & this month, and ive rejected a job offer which i felt guilty! and now its officially, er.. not officially yet but i can tell that m2 is closing real soon, and this year i dont have any increment and bonus.. how sad! i really really wish to stay in this company as this is my very very 1st company and ive learn alot of stuff from here, but somehow it cant grow anymore.. if boss wanted to let me handle the company i dont think i can coop it.. well, i think i should just goto other places to explore myself.. maybe i really need a new environment but im just afraid to take it.. haih.. i think im damn failed la.. well see how it goes la.. im just going to try as much as i can..

as for eden.. i think its quite settle down already.. so there's not much worried on it and ill slowly leave for it to grow.. i do not want to think on the worst part for me in eden, but i really hope that there's appreciation on my hard work on it :))

further studies are now still bothering me.. i dont know if i still want to go for it now.. or maybe not at the moment since there's alot of things that need me to work hard on it.. and ive problem to fund my studies fees.. no matter how hard i earn the money, i just cant save :( sad case.. haih..

and being in the relationship arent perfect for me.. not to say shane is not treating me well but there's alot of room for us.. both of our personality is very similar.. and im really scared if both of us fight until very very teruk and ended up both of us is hurt.. i dont understand shane well, but i trust him.. im wondering why ill have such a strong feeling towards him.. im afraid! for once im afraid of losing in the relationship.. ive never had this kind of feelings to my ex-es but he's the special one.. i cant hope that we have a bright future but for sure ill try my very very best to be with him.. for once im very jealous right now, and did something that i arent supposed to do.. ive checked his email.. i know everyone got their own privacy but this is so coincidentally he told me the password of his email and i accidentally found the emails that he used to send to his ex.. i feel like i'm just a replacement for her ex.. which totally shocked me! i dont expect him to tell me the pass story but i just couldnt stand the lie.. haih.. i feel so upset everytime.. but think back the way that we got together and what we're having is such a miracles.. ill just let god to decide the road for me..

i shall let my emo hide inside my heart.. im not hurt but all this is not that i wished for.. i wont blame anyone.. and i feel sorry to my friends and family who always supported me.. im sorry.. this is so fckin perfect life i had..

happy 2011

2011-01-04T16:44:00.002+08:00

1st post of the year! happy new year all..

hope this year would be a better year for me.. and seriously i need a big change!
go go carmen!

xoxo

2011 resolutions

2010-12-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

phew time flies..

doing my annual blog post thingy, here's what i wrote on last year and the highlighted red is what i've done so far:

here's the list of my resolution for the year of 2010:

- sayang my body and take good care of my health (that's a must!) trying so hard!
- target earn 80k next year i think i've only earned 50k this year.. gambatteh again!
- car & phone got it ady, must maintain haha! i got iphone4! maintaining still..
- start saving more, target 1k per month failed.. not even rm500 -.-"
- invest on housing, guess it's time to start planning to buy a new house for myself! failed too! too much of traveling this year!
- more trips & gateway! check check check! damn proud of it! 6 countries in total!
- changing to a new working environment (well, every year i did say the same thing but i still stick with my current company -.-") still stuck here -.-"
- be more brave to myself, do not shy to ask! (which i'm coz i know i'm so introvert!) changing!
- start gym or yoga! need diet! i need to slim down! damn failed for this!
- more shopping to pamper myself more :p yeap! more on shopping overseas! hehe
- more time for families & old friends yes.. accomplished this!
- get a bf! lol i'm serious! hell ya.. i've found one :p
- get more books to read.. been stopping buying books recently -.-" i think i bought only 3 books this year.. time to get some books soon..

wow it seems i kinda success on my last year's resolutions.. and i'm really proud of it.. i guess time had changed me to become another better and wiser person.. and no doubt i still need to work very hard for my future.. so here's my resolution for 2011..

• still a good & healthy lifestyle.. cut down on drinking..
• change all my bad habits!
• target earning: 80k (ya again)
• target saving: 1k per month
• start investing more.. besides business, mutual fund & insurance.. but on housing & shares..
• more trips & gateway! target: melbourne/sydney
• further studies in overseas.. get my master in design!
• leave eden (ok.. this is kinda sad.. maybe i'll just leave for the sake of good.. tragic!)
• new working environment! yes! again!
• spend trips for family, we hardly have a trip together!
• slim down!!! diet diet diet! 40kg!
• getting to know more friends, and connect back with old friends
• get a new laptop & ipad.. time to upgrade! :p

oh well.. that's what i can think off for now.. it's not hard to archive but it really takes alot of time & hard work.. finger crossed this time i'll be able to check all in the list :))

speaking of what i've done in this year.. here's the summarize version:
(dig out my organizer and check back)

january 2010
mostlt busy in eden, spend alot of time with eden's family.. had been drinking alot too.. with genki, yuki and gang.. and with chai's gang.. attended eric & erica's wedding dinner.. and had my apraisal by boss.. telling him that i'm going to further my studies..

february 2010

there's alot of s6ians outing since then.. and not to forgot it's the cny month, alot of eating, drinking & gambling.. hehe.. oh i've won rm650 from genting! woohoo! and oh.. fay suddenly left eden.. there's alot of comflicts in between.. tension!

march 2010

went to SHE concert cortesy of bro.. and i've done quite alot of yamcha session & photography session with khang.. got a shocking news that fay's dad had passed away.. so hk trip only left me rick n fred.. was not really enjoyed for the whole trip.. the most shocking part.. i've book tic to perth! thanks to the evil hoe & khang! and i broke my car skirting T.T

april 2010

it's my birthday month.. and there's 2 weeks of birthday celebration with friends & family.. and there's alot of s6ian outings too.. but mostly is with hoe & khang.. because need to plan for perth trip! oh annual gathering for gd49 was held in library.. spend the last week of the month in the land of aussie.. had so much fun.. the most happiest moment in my life! (omg i haven finished up my aussie post yet!)

may 2010

was quiet for the month because of travelling non-stop.. attended suet-ei's wedding dinner, our 1st s6ians who got married.. so happy for her.. and oh.. suddenly getting very close to harvey.. and hoe & khang was my best buddies now..

june 2010

sadnest month of the year.. grandma has passed away.. was very very sad.. luckily harvey is there to comfort me.. and i had to be a vegetarian for 49 days.. gateway to ho chi minh with mum & aunties.. being good girl all expenses cover by me.. but it was a very very noisy trip!

july 2010

there's nothing much happening in july.. drinking with colleague for the 1st time, and oh applied new credit card and helping lim to do some work for his new pub opening..

august 2010
luxy grand opening and continue helping lim to work for his cis.. and booked tic to macau during airasia promo! then the last trip of the year to bali.. and make the surprise decision again.. booked ticket to taiwan! phew..

september 2010
baby hit on divider when fetch selyn in lrt station T.T damn malu!! was busy working to earn more money!!

october 2010
party started this month onwards, alot of drinking session every week non-stop! and there's alot of things happened in this month! ky got a gf and i'm also in the relationship! most crazy month ever! and i've finally broke up with my bff! was damn emo and alot of shocking decision that i've made throughout this month.. and catch up with alot of old friends.. good to gossip again.. hehe.. and oh, attended genie's bb sebastian full moon party..

november 2010
alot of outings during this month, need to get more healthy lifestyle.. and also enjoy being in the relationship after so long.. hehe.. it's so nice pampered by your loved one.. and oh not to forgot i've attended interview! after dragging so long and finally making move!

december 2010
it's the festive month! and shane is starting to work and our time quite screwed up.. and even we started to argue more n more.. enlightened by henry after afew time of lunch together.. spent xmas eve alone.. damn emo.. but spending a nice xmas roadtrip with shane to pd & melacca.. and oh.. eden is doing it's 1st fair in sunway.. lots of things to busy! i wish my new year could be better, better hope for a brand new year and brand new me!

till then! xoxo

an update?

2010-12-14T17:11:00.004+08:00

just noticed i still have a lot of drafts in my blog yet to be publish..
promised will update soon.. let me scramble out my resolutions of the year..

11days to christmas
18days to new year

xoxo

confused

2010-11-15T18:07:00.002+08:00

i'm confused, for what i've done.. it does scared me for awhile, but now i was kinda regret for making a fast move.. i dont know it's the right decision i've done so far, i mean i trust my feel but somehow i doesnt feel uncomfortable.. i'm lost again, and i'm afraid i might lose again and again.. is this the feeling when you're in love? or i should stay away from being in a relationship? i guess only gods know the reason. i'm not letting myself to be hurt anymore, i need to be pampered! seriously my heart starting to bleed without warning me..

shock of life

2010-10-24T22:46:00.002+08:00

yea, referring to my title above, that a real shock story that i wanted tell out.. seriously i dont know when isit started to happened but this is really scary.. i mean it's too fast for me to react..

just pray everything will be fine and go smooth, we'll never know when is the surprise and also what kind of things would be happened next.. live life to be interesting? hehe

shall not reveal it now, just let everything flow naturally :)

till then. xoxo

how do u defined bff

2010-10-20T15:47:00.002+08:00

i've post this status on my fb 2 days ago, and wondering what's bff for.. yea.. bff again.. in my case it's different story.. normally bff is the one who shares the joy & sadness with you, the one who understand you the most & also the person who knows what you're thinking..

urgh i dont know how to start the story between us, both of us knew each other for many years, and the click between us just happened like that, we've been doing alot of silly things together, girlie nightout, gossiping & also support each other. bah, i think it's all over now, i'm really really upset with her, i dont even know how to describe her now. just plain disappointment, and my heart breaks.. haih

i was so jealous and envy on those bff who really can get along so well, but not for me.. i know i have another bunch of best buddies, but still not close as you, you're just like my big sister, we share alot of things together, and we know what's thinking in our heart..

bah i dont want to find myself so suffering because of her, i have my own life, i still got a bunch of friends who can cheer me up every moments, my family who always support me :) wanna thanks harvey call me all the way from perth just to comfort me on that night, appreciate it alot and thanks to him :) i really lost and dunno what to do, i tried to find those happy memories between us again but still not enough to cover my sadness.

i dont know who shall i talk to.. i really need a shoulder now, my tears just couldnt hold, for what she meant to me and what had she done to me, you now can called me dump carmen just because i'm too emo on this, but think about it, it's what best friends for, not even for bf or husband, for me i'll put family & friends 1st, relationship may last long but family & friendship will last till you dead..

i'm truly truly upset with you, please dont come back to me anymore, i dont want to hurt myself again, i rather go and meet new friends, which i already do have a bunch of buddies even better than you! you're just too selfish, i'm not emo here, i dont want people to pity on me.. that's how i stand strong now..

i need a new bff, who wants to be my new bff :p

ommmggeeee

2010-10-14T22:27:00.003+08:00

been neglected this blog for awhile, so its time to update abit.. recently my mood has been up & down again.. down because of stress (again!! i know it's so yesterday) up because i've great bunch of friends & family.. i noticed my blog had really turned into a sentimental side of me.. hmm for those who wanted to know me well he/she should read my blog, the inner part of me.. lol

stress aside, and sickness too, oh i've been sick for days :( need to share something which it's really made my day :)

1st i bought an iphone4, ya i know i'm hype on the launch & also iphone4 heats, just being kiasu to own this baby! ok story telling time, i've pre-book a spot for the maxis launch, picked sat as i'll be free, not as crazy as others just to que on thurs mid nite.. read alot of incidents of getting the iphone4, so i decided to head to garden early in the morning on sat, luckily xine was working for maxis on dat day, so she can update me the latest status.. lol.. but when i got thr i wasnt in my slot to get the number yet.. hafta wait till 6pm, btw i reached at 11am.. so in between i dunno wat to do.. was chilling in the garden for the 1st few hours, went to borders n read some books, ended up buying 2 new graphic books, then meet up wif xine to get some coffee, when i was out from toilet meeting xine n colleague at the escalator there, there's an old lady watching me from top to bottom, and suddenly she speaks to me, she said my leg so white (btw i was wearing shorts) must becareful & dont walk alone, later criminal happen.. i was like wtf!? then faster nodded head & leave the place -.-" how come i got lectured by ppl in the public! duh.. went to starbucks later to get my coffee.. chill there awhile, surfing net using my 3G network!! coz starbucks wifi service is down -.-" makes some calls to friends & cousin called & asked if i wanted to sell off my iphone 3Gs.. after that i couldnt tahan to wait for another 3 more hours, been lepaking so hard only used 3 hours.. so i decided to go back to eden for awhile to handle some work.. jammed all the way back.. get some work done, then received xine msg saying that i can get my num d, so i quickly rush back to garden -.-" jammed all the way again.. then que awhile, got my num and finally time for food! haven been eating for the whole day.. while waiting xine to get her bag, i bumped into bryan, my coll junior.. his parents was waiting the num but they're running out of time because they got a movie to catch.. so he asked me wat num i've then i leave for dinner.. just going down to the escalator he called me again n asked me if i wanted to switched num wif him, n only need to wait for another 30 mins.. i was so happy because i ady waited for 1 whole day, how lucky am i to get it earlier.. lol so i told xine we go for our dinner after i took my iphone.. then i waited in the hall for 45 mins.. finally my turn! i was so blur until i walk to the wrong counter, because i know there's only 60 counter but my counter was 64.. i thought i heard wrongly or see wrongly, due to no food for whole day.. when i was guide to my counter there's another fat guy jump que! i was damn mad.. i need to wait until they finish 1st only until my turn.. haih.. good lucks end too soon.. get all my info done den i transfer to another counter.. and finally got my iphone4 -.-" so many adventure for my iphone purchase.. got my sim cut into microsim size, get a casing & screen protector for baby, oh bump into lionel when i bought my casing.. then me n xine off for dinner, we both are starving ady.. on the way when we walk from garden to mid valley, before the bridge connection i dont know why i slipped my new iphone4 n it dropped on the floor!!!! O.O i stunned awhile, was so calm faster pick it up, rub abit n continue walking, that time thr was passenger walking by n saw me dropping it.. xine was stunned thr too.. n i told xine nothing one.. but by the time we reach la manila cafe, sit down ady i suddenly feels so heartache! damn within 30 mins my baby kissed on the floor d! -.-" was damn no mood for the whole dinner.. haih.. some more was heading to hoe's place after that for small gathering.. n i was being the topic again for them to laugh at me!! ok story end.. i heartache again.. poor baby -.-"

2nd things, i sold off my iphone 3Gs to my cousin, was holding 2 iphones in a week, so gaya.. but dont think can afford 2 iphones, need to sell it off.. but was happy that i'm taking 2 iphone walk around in a week -.-"

3rd, i'm taking this very serious.. i'm thinking of further study.. ady start researching and applying online.. i cant believe it.. i'm making the move! seriously i'm thinking it very hard now is it possible for me? because i'll be taking my master either in the states or aussie, alot of plannings, financial & time arrangement to do.. i need back my passion, so ppl pls support me ok? he he

4th since last 2 weeks i'm partying hard again.. yea back to party life -.-" not antisocial anymore.. tml gonna have another party! ok i need to update my party closet.. lol

5th, can i say i love my family n friends again? i really wanted to thank my mum who always support me n take care of me, even though she mumble non stop, n my daddy being my driver to drive me around & always quietly supporting me at the back. i'll try to have more time for family.. n to my friends, i never felt so happy again.. they're cheering me up every moment :)) n i would really love to if i had the chance to be in a relationship.. heheh.. is there any possibility for us? hmm.. well just let it be..

6th my tripping for next year is confirmed!! may macau/hk; june langkawi; july taiwan.. wooohoooo.. now thinking some plan for year end.. i need an escape badly!

i really do wish my happy moments can last long, well at least it can cheer me up for not being so stress from work.. all i hope is everything will runs smoothly & taking things easy dont pressure myself.. a good sign n a good start for me now :)

till then xoxo

this is no so me

2010-09-09T22:49:00.002+08:00

cant believe i'm changing my lifestyle now! haha. mayb i'm old and tired to go out? staying in is good but for my age now staying in on a holiday eve, are u crazy? "u shud go out drink & party" said inner part of my mind. "but i'm tired n dont feel like social"

so there you go, called me antisocial carmen. party & drinking & yam cha & dinner & shopping slowly remove from my routine. oh gosh, how i love my new life -.-" perhaps it's just for a short period? i dont know, i'm enjoying my silence night, since i'm home alone now (what a surprise!) but alot of works are waiting for me.. bah.. i wish i could remove my work from my routine too! hehe..

selamat hari raya & happy holidays to all!

regret

2010-08-31T20:39:00.003+08:00

i dont know if i'm complaining here for my regrets, but oh wells, there's so many regrets that i've been thru for this pass few days which i wanted to rant it out again, thru my blog -.-"

i dont understand why am i still stepping on the ground but didnt moved on, i've been travelling so much on this year but it didnt really made me to move forward. problems still being here and couldnt even solve it again and again.. bahhhh..

for once i'm regret why am i still living, this is really depressing i know, i mean for all the things that i've done in this 24 years, regret on so many things! but sometimes i'll realized after i regretting on the things, i'll made my move to even better place. improvement huh? hmm i dont know if i'm still regretting on what i've chosen for my life to be but this is the way that i choose and i cant complain much, i mean really, this is all my fault, no one using a pistol and point at you to do all this things, but the stupid me go and did all the stuff that i arent supposed to do, being silly and idiot.. so from that way for being stupid and i learned from it, getting to be a better n smarter person..

i regret i dated with my ex, which he makes me suffering from all the pains and problems, but think wisely we do have a great memory, just that the fate is not with us and making me still struggling on what i've chosen, eden was one of the problem that he left me with, and now i'm the one who regretting for not putting down eden, since he can let it go easily, but i cant.. i blamed myself why i still being so ego, i mean i wanna success in everything that i wanted in my life, but i know it's hard. i was trying so hard to work in eden, but the rewards doenst seems to come to me yet i'm still stuck in it.. that kind of feelings no body would understand.. and i know let it go will be the best solution, just that i cant do it, say it is easy but it's damn hard for me to make the move! seriously! i dont know what the heck i'm still hoping for in eden, i mean it got its potential to grow, but it's been almost 3 years, i'm really tired, really..

and not only for that, i stayed in eden because of another reason as well, i dont know why eden was in my part of relationship, but human's got alot of sentimental feelings that you cant control since you work hard for it together and see it grows, same goes to my feeling towards this man. i regret i fall for him, and i dont know if we have the click since both of us are introvert type of person.. just too complicated to express how we're connected and also our communications & outings, it feels sweet when both of u spending time together, even only for work purpose, but also the problem is came from work as well, he was a very busy businessman and sometimes it's hardly for him to spend time with me, that's make me regret on why i'll fall for him, falling on this man which hurt myself badly and being stupid for helping him when he needs my help. why cant we get together because of work commitments? why? sometimes i regret knowing him, i know he's not the type that i'm looking for but i just couldnt control my feelings.. arghh

there's so many things that i've regret, and i still blaming my life here, why? why cant i just let all go and lets the life goes on? why i still keep complaining here where you know how stupid and silly you are.. why i can have a better opportunities and life but i'm scared to try out? life is so unexpected, i already putting down my egos but it seems doesnt really work on me.. i'm so scared and so blur with my life now!!

well, fred not, i'm taking things down slowly.. i'm changing again.. of coz to be a better person.. i cant look back what i've regret, i'll take on what i've regret and move on with my life, isnt this supposed to be? hmm i guess so.. if i'm not moving on i'll regret on my life.

i have so many things in my mind now but i couldnt think of what to write, somehow i feel so stressed on nothing.. it's public holiday today but i just feel unproductive, i need a rest, that's why i sleep for the whole afternoon today.. aiks.. life's getting boring because of all the shits, i need more loves & suports badly! :( just wish me luck on everything and hopes things is getting better. i do really hope for miracles. pls happen to me god!

btw happy merdeka to malaysia!

emo

2010-07-20T23:18:00.001+08:00

useless post. just ignore me at this moment. blarghhhh

pissed

2010-06-21T20:50:00.002+08:00

i know i shouldnt be ranting again but this round i really couldnt tahan the anger in my heart. n i just wan to speak it out!

case happened on my 'bff' again. i know i'm still calling her my bff coz we're really close wif each other. n i aso dunno y i still stick around wif her -.-"

#1
she's always sick n i'm tired to care about her anymore. her pithiness couldnt melts my heart anymore. once she's sick, she'll on mc n her jobs automatically i'll take over. her company always pass those dog shit jobs up when it's rush or urgent. work matter i cant stand for her attitude. no responsible at all. sometimes even her boss blame it on me -.-"

#2
we're not having lunch so often anymore. although working in the same building but we hardly see each other. so this day was my grandma passed away, n i only told my colleague about the news then rush back home. she got to know it later then she sms that she felt sorry for my lost. n she'll b coming to my hse dat night to pay her last respect to my grandma. btw each n everyone in my family & relative knows her. and so 1st day couldnt settle the things yet, so i ask her to come the next day. dah la very sad, she go n kepoh n tell the others friends about my lost. n i was damn paiseh when some of them call me directly to cheer me up. but i'm just not in that mood to keep on telling wat happened -.-"

then the next day she smsed me again n ask how's the thing going. so i said if u wan then come lor. but later at night she called me but i didnt managed to pick up her call bcoz of the praying stuff. then i smsed her n she replied back that she cant come, next day only come. so i just replied if u cant come then nvm la.. no one will blame it on u.. n i think she feels guilty, she called me after that, saying that she's still sick n cant come, and then the coughing thing & voice losing thing appear again (which i ady sick of it) i dont know if she's sincere to care about me and cheer me up in the phone call. upset wif her, some more she still can say she very missed my grandma -.-"

#3
case not finished yet, funeral ceremony ends very late on mon, n i cant wake up to work on the next day, too tired from the cleaning house part n aso sleepless nites for past few days. she called me on tues afternoon, asking me whether wanted to do lunch together. i was like wtf, cant u just leave me alone? i told her i was sleeping & wont b able to go work. so i rested in hse for whole afternoon, but at nite i just couldnt stayed at home coz i'll think of my grandma again n desperately wanted to go out. so i asked her out for a drink but she said she's having dinner with her friends n ask me to join aso. but i damn moody n dont feel like to social, i just wanted to be with my close friend. but i didnt tell her that, i just said i dont feel like going.

#4
still related with previous case, i told her that nite i was damn upset & cried so many times just for that nite, but somehow i feel better after some chatting wif harvey who cheer me up n even called up all the way from perth. n then the next day out wif khang for desserts. she knew i was telling her how i need a fren to be with me badly, and she tried to care about me only the next day, she felt guilty. so she was trying to be very nice to me, even ask me to go shopping after work the next day. i aso dunno y i sor sor follow her go shopping, or mayb i need some retail therapy. at least i still got my shopping kaki to do all the silly girly stuff.. n she aso ask me out again on next day, which is fri, go to some night club with her friends, coz i told her i need some drinks on weekend, but i rejected her coz i really dont feel like to know new frens. still have heal from the sadness.

#5
so on fri she didnt call me or see me for the whole day, and she told me before this sat she wanted me to help her to take some profile pic in the studio. so i smsed her on sat afternoon asking wat time she'll be coming so that i can prepare, i even postponed my family dinner just for her. when she called me back that time n said she couldnt make it i was damn angry n damn pissed off, coz this photoshot was planned on early of the month n due to my grandma passed away we postponed it for a few times ady. the most angry part is before this she keep on asking me when i free can help, n when we set the date ady, she's giving lame excuse to turned off this photoshot. wtf.

#6
then on sun afternoon, i gt her sms asking me whether i wanted to go mv wif her arnot, i just rejected her, n still very angry for ffk-ing me. but she called me again at nite, around 8 n asking me whether i can do the photoshot for her coz she urgently needed to send for audition. me soft heart again when she beg me on phone, coz she said she only needs simple 1 and send 1 or 2 photos only. so i'm ok with it since i'm done wif family dinner n shop in hypermarkets wif parents. so when she arrived in studio she told me she needs to take 2 diff styles which i totally stunned for awhile, some more need to take my gown for shooting -.-" i damn layan her that time. i damn regret to help her, making myself so damn suffer, some more i damn tired yest.she even request so many things which i wanted to slap on her or i just leave the studio. but i didnt do that, i was too nice to be bullied. i even show my black face to her ady but she just dont care, even the camera is spoiled she still managed to ask another friend come for help -.-" i totally speechless. we shot until 12 n i cant stand it anymore, i just told her its done, she dont dare to say anything n only chat wif the other fren. i dont know y i'll still treat her so nice? she din make me happy but suffering.. urgggghhhhhh damn gerammmmmmmmmmm

#7
damn it, i dont know why today i ask her for lunch. stupid me. just call me crazy. i still very pissed off and angry but i can act infront of her like nothing. i can go for casting ady n win some acting prizes wei! today's lunch she was damn embarrassed to look at my eyes directly and she even tease me with those awkward things that i've done, which makes me felt even pissed off n wanna punch her. damn it la.. i'm not hating her but hating myself now. wtf.

i dont even know wat am i doing now. being used? then later on dump me alone? bah, bff sounds so sweet but not wif her.. i wanna go kill myself now. T.T

RIP ah mah

2010-06-12T13:47:00.004+08:00

(actually i have a draft in my pending post about my aussie trip experience but haven finish writing)

yesterday got a shocking news from mum, around 10am in the morning i received call from mummy saying that ah mah seems passed away, aunty said she's not breathing anymore.. i was stunned awhile then faster made a call to aunty & uncle to inform them. then i quickly grab my car key & drove back home. that time my whole body is shaking, and even cried in the car. When back home, she's lying on the bed ady......

i still remembered when i'm out for work in the morning yesterday she still open her eyes and sees me. but that's the last chance that i've seen her! :'(

recall back so much memories that we have, and how much she loves me.. :'( i just couldnt continue story telling anymore.. it makes me tears again..

ah mah, may u rest in peace, u'll always be remembered. i'll miss u heaps!

hello world

2010-05-03T11:15:00.000+08:00

dragging myself back to work today.

phew!

another long break~

oh fyi i'm just back from perth, the land of aussie (if you didnt managed to see my facebook status update) he he

and i'm kinda miss aussie now!

i'm recharged now & shall work harder! :D

guess this is the biggest treatment i've done so far for myself :D

will blog in details for my aussie trip soon!

up&down

2010-04-16T10:50:00.002+08:00

sorry for being mia again!

what i've done for the past weeks was hilarious!

let me summarize on my crazy schedule:

*checking my organizer*

19th march

was mummy's bday, planned for a birthday dinner but she didnt really enjoyed it, so sorry mummy that i've to rush back to off & work that night after dinner :(

20th march

woke up early in the morning at 5 to go putrajaya for hot air balloon event with khang, meet a new friend, joanne and was having lots of fun for the entire shooting! ah xian dim sum after that. then back home showered & head to eden to work. was supposed to meet up with ky then he asked me along for dinner with chai & jerry at vintry. nice steaks & nice wine. second round was drinking at library (again). then went for supper at tmn sea, bad things happened! i crashing my baby's skirting :( damn sad. passed out at 4! was bloody tired for the whole day!

21st march

be good girl & stay in eden to work.

22nd march

went for movie. just another pandora box was hilarious. bad movie.

23rd march

busy in office & eden

24th march

early morning went klcc for meeting & lunch at pavilion

25th march

busy in office & eden

26th march

khang dropped by at eden with his mum, then he ajak to drink with hoe in the apartment. evil them convince me to go perth, giving me 1001 reason why i should go along! some more we even drop by to hoe's hse to check for airfares!

27th march

back to office to work abit before leaving for hk trip, then to eden

28th march

this day is insane i tell you! so many things happened in just a day. was busy in eden for the whole morning & afternoon, then hafta rush my freelance job before leave. then in the afternoon got a shocking news that fay's dad has passed away, all damn moody & damn emo, we was supposed to be happy coz the next day is our flight to hk but everything changed. fay didnt got to go & the rest were thinking should we go in this difficult time, coz we've been trying to finished up everything in hand for this trip, and this trip was planned a year ago! was damn mad & damn upset. but still we made our decision for going coz the air ticket & hotel is already been booked, cant cancel. me finished up everything then back home & pack, yes i haven start to pack till last min, flight at 7am so i hafta go airport at 4. by the time i back home already 11, and i beg ck to help me to bring over my laptop back to off, then start packing & cleaning up. in the mean time, khang was calling me non-stop to ask me how was the decision that i've made whether to go perth or not, coz i said i need 1 day to consider 1st. as i settle everything, sat infront of the comp checking mails & all stuff, i dunno why i'll have the urged to book air ticket! maybe i'm too stressed out that time & all the unhappy things happened on me so i need an escape! and i've made my decision to go perth after counting & counting the budgets that i've. been tried to book for 2 times via debit from acc but failed. so i called khang n told him this is the fate, airasia dont allowed me to book & i'm to kiam siap to pay the 10bucks for credit card convenience fee. hah! but then khang said he pay for me :p so i tried 1 more time using credit card, if still fail then i'll just dont go, but guess what, transaction successful! i called back khang again & he was damn happy, and called hoe after that and he was so shocked! ahahha.. i can know that their expression is priceless! and they proof their convincing skill is damn good -.-" basically that day my emotions just like roller coaster! life is interesting without expectation & somehow there's always a brighter way after those rainy days! managed to grab 2 hrs of sleeps before heading to airport.

29th march

this mark the journey to hk start. arrived in lcct at 4.30am, was abit early so we chill at mcd. those 2 guys din get to sleep for the whole night. so they passed out in the plane. reach hk at 11am, checked in hotel & walk around hk for the 1st day. i was kinda afraid coz i'll be sleeping alone in the hotel room :( was dead tired for the 1st day & damn cold!

30th march

woke up early morning & head to shen zhen, sight seeing & do some shopping, for eden not for our ownself. back to hk at 4am! damn tired! i think holidays are more tired & exhausted from working!

31st march

woke up early & head to macao. being tourist & round the whole island. and i got some luck in casino! whoohoo!

1st april

this day was the last day & last night to stay in hk. went to dai yu shan & the peak and do some last min shopping.

2nd april

flight at 11.30am, so early morning went to airport & hang around. departed in kl around 4, then straight head back to eden to work -.-" back home only at 11pm. damn tired!

3rd april

haven unpack luggage yet & hafta woke up early again to go qing ming! damn tiring, then afternoon work at eden & at night having early birthday celebration with s6ians at jaya 1, then to hoe's hse for chit chatting. applied for visa as well!

4th april

worked in eden again then at night went to 1U for NHW event which i did the jobs & rush like hell.

5th april

busy in office!

6th april

busy in office! was damn pissed off by colleagues & boss about the work that i've done. rush like hell but end up no appreciation but scolding me for not prepare the artwork earlier. it's not my fault but blaming me like hell! wtf!

7th april

also busy in office! already sick & tired of work so planned for a movie that night with s6ians. damn pissed off again when i saw gene in pyramid shopping but i'm ot-ing until 8pm! damn! all her jobs passed to me, like eat all her shits! i've no more hopes for this bff anymore, and she's not even my bff, betrayed me & always find me for her own goods! i'm already very disappointed. some more she still wan to pretend infront of me! what a friend's for! haih. story aside, movie was okay, then head to yam cha at ss15, then call it a day!

8th april

was damn busy in office again! damn pissed off again & again! actually hoe & khang asked to play rame but i've no mood, i suggest to go drink, that night tien aso very stressed out, so we went to brussels & drink & drink! phew! there's no stress when you be with your old friends, just like with a family, without any worries & they'll automatically cheer you up!

9th april

today was the gd49 annual gathering. was busy in office again and again! been a week didnt managed to go eden! then i head to library (again!) straight for meeting them up. and having dinner & happy hour there, so glad to see them again! everyone is changing! and they even bought me a cake on the eve of my birthday! :D

10th april

happy birthday to me! morning got an angpao from mummy! then start my day working in eden. was busy as well -.-" whole day didnt get to eat, only managed to grab dinner at home, and that was 8pm! then faster dressed up & head to library (again & again!) for my real birthday celebration (pix can refer to my facebook) was damn tipsy & damn high that night. i enjoyed myself very much & damn happy to see my friends who came :D but there's always something that pissed me off, so called bff again destroyed my mood again. haih. i dunwan to talk about her anymore how she treat me & what had happened. i just dunwan to rmb all the sad case. i just wan to rmb my bday celebration was awesome!

11th april

damn blurred. coz hafta wake up early again for qing ming. damn headache and still having hangover for the whole day. sleep throughout the whole day & work at home.

12th april

busy busy busy in office again! hoe called & ask if i wanted to go to his place & rame again since the day before they already had their mahjong session. so i said i'll take my dinner 1st then only head to his place. arrived there already 10.30pm. then rame until 12.30pm back home & passed out.

13th april & 14th april

combined this 2 days as the same thing goes on-busy in office!

15th april

today was kinda free abit, still can go ikano do some shopping during lunch time & went to mv for currency changing after work at 8pm. but did get to change coz the rate is still very high :( shopping alone is fun!

16th april

and for today now i'm typing this blog post. whoa damn tired to type so many words. hope that's a good day ahead. happy friday ppl! and happy weekends!

shall update again! till then! cant wait for my trip to perth next week! weeee~

okay post some happy pictures up here to brighten my day :))

thanks for my friends & family who wished me! love u guys! xoxo

the 1st post

2010-03-19T11:58:00.003+08:00

look back my archive again, and i think it's funny to post up my very 1st post again!

starting on 27th jul 2005 in msn spaces:

July 27
my first blog~
well..dis is d first time i post blog.. d(^.^)b
hmm..let me introduce my self.. my name is carmen a.k.a princess..currently studying in saito college of art n design.. aiks..quite lame ler..
now i quite bz wif my assignments..all bcoz of my lovely lecturer named kamthong a.k.a asir.. 1 week i almost attend his cluz for 4 lecture..hihi..
n e wayz..i duno wat to write ady..to b cont wif my next blog...
2:26 PM | Add a comment | Permalink | Blog it

then changed to blogspot on 3rd oct 2006 :

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 03, 2006
Hoo-ray!
Welcome guys to my brand new blog! hope u guys enjoy and just feel free to comment me about everyting! will try to improve my blog asap..

cheers!

POSTED BY *ÇÜTÊ ÌÍTTLÊ PRÏNCÊ§S ÇÅRMËN* AT 10/03/2006 02:16:00 PM

LABELS: ANNOUNCEMENT

need to get back the motivation of blogging!

i've grown up

2010-03-19T00:24:00.002+08:00

kinda emo tonight!

as i was still stuck with work (as usual la, nth special) but this round is the freelance job that i'm doing now at night, day time work like cow in off, evening kuli in eden.. haih what a life..

anyway, back to the point that makes me wanted to blog, since i was about to abandoned my blog ady.. i've just read thru all my archive from the starting when i blogged, last time used to blogged in msn spaces then change to blogspot, read thru all the things that i've wrote and all the pictures that i've posted up makes me feel very sentimental tonight, i laugh at what i've done in old time, most of the stories that i've written is the happy thoughts or happy people around me, but now my blog turned to be an emo blog..

i used to record down every single things that happened on me during school time, which was the most memorable & most happy time in my life, all the embarrassing stuff and silly things really makes me think that why i'll so stupid when i was young.. ha ha.. and i really missed it! those days were no stress or nth to care to loss.. just go and do whatever that i wanted to do! now looking back at myself i felt i've changed alot, perhaps grown up to be more mature? every single things or decision that i hafta made need to think twice!

i've blog for like 5 years, starting from 2005.. this 5 year's blog posts makes me feel so warm and making me realize where i am now.. i wanted to be back my happy-go-lucky type person that i used to be, very very pure & imaginative world that i used to dreamt of!

argh.. i cant explained the feeling that i'm having right now! and that's make me think back of my past relationship with my ex-es.. time flies! i've been single for almost 2 years, never in my life that i think i'm enjoying my single life since i've been in a relationship from high school till college till start working till owning a business.. sometimes it's kinda lonely when it hits the big day, like valentines day or xmas.. not to say i dont have crush on guys but it just cant happened to be together, or perhaps i've too many responsibility or my attitude scaring them away? or size problem? -.-"

i know there's so many things that u could have missed and some you may treasure it alot, somehow in my mind i always just let it grow naturally, in everything that i've been thru now.. as i said many times my expectation always comes with disappointment, i really wish to succeed in everything that i've done, but nth is perfect, there's always gain and lost.. for this moment i'm still thinking that i'm losing to myself, to become a real me..

most of the time i need to be fake to peoples around me, and must think 1st before speak out, and also there's too many questions that i'm afraid to ask, i just pretend that i know or nth is happening.. so tired of those acting la! i cant rant infront of my family to make them worried, i cant rant at boss that i'm having alot of pressure and criticism, i cant rant at my business partner that i wanted it my way, i cant rant at frens which they'll think i'm useless in solving problems and also paiseh to let them listen to all the problems that i'm having again and again.. it's my ego! :( so choosing to rant here is the better solution!

nevertheless i'm still grateful where i'm belongs now, from the past to now i've grown up and all the older blog post are my memories that will stayed in my heart forever.. it's good to write down so that in the future when i read back i'll laugh at myself again! just like what i've did just now, laughing non stop for all my older post, which means alot to me!

aiming my goal again (still question marks for me! what's my goal?) and keep move on, i cant stop what i'm having now, just believing my feels and go on~ it's the most powerful emotions that i'm handling :)

till then!

ps: actually i wanted to write down what was happened in the morning which 2 fellas making me laugh and cry at the same time, and also plan for my bday celebration which i used to have for the past years, guess this year i need some silent mood, i just wanted to spend it with my lovely people around me :)

pps: mum just back home and it's her bday today! happeee birthday mummy, love u lots!

end of cny

2010-02-27T22:42:00.002+08:00

in a hour time it's the last day of cny ady! happy chap goh mei in advance :D

phew time flies!

guess this cny i'm gaining weight again! eating n drinking non stop! some more gamble gamble n gamble.. keke.. in this cny i really got alot of spare time, to spend with my family & relatives, and also friends!

perhaps from this cny i've also putting down alot of things, and think from another perspectives. is the sign of getting old.. aiks! and the things that i'm happy with is i've putting down alot of expectation! so i is less disappointment but gain alot of surprises! :)

i'm slowly taking over the things that i really wanted stay the most, and putting more efforts on it. now most important for me is career n money! and guess what i'm so guai staying in on a sat night! lol

before signing off, showing one pic i like the most.. hehe..

till then!

xoxo

not-in-the cny mood

2010-02-09T16:52:00.003+08:00

very very surprisingly i'm not into any cny mood at all! i haven got any time to clean up some more! and going for cny shopping -.-"

last week i was damn happening again, been going out for 4 days in a row! bravo! i'm so busy but still going out non stop, and didnt even finish anything yet!

starting from fri, went to work as usual, lunch time taking more time to goto bank, at 1st gene was planing for account opening, but she didnt managed to apply, and i was so coincident applied another new credit card (like finally) -.-" not intend to apply actually coz the RM50 charges, but since i'm in the bank, then might as well apply la.. story 1 ended, then at night dinner cum gathering with s6-ians, i was arrived early in pyramid and went for some shopping but didnt managed to get anything, soon wai lee n khang arrived and we went to reserve our table at full house cafe, it was packd -.-" no choice hafta wait for 30 mins and we lepak at pappa rich. finally at 8pm we only managed to get our seats and dine in, whole dinner session was very happening and fun, as usual la.. s6 spirit.. ha ha.. then we have 2nd round again! went to neway subang sing k! khang followed my car, and eventually i forgot where did i parked my car -.-" and finally found it after 10 mins! and we're the earliest to reached at neway! hoho.. so we get a room 1st (this sounds sooooo wrong!) actually xine ady called n reserved a room, then the rest came one by one, crazily sing for 3 hours and drinking non stop -.-" yes we all drunk sing and playing around till 3am! freaking 3am! i was home by 4, straight passed out!

*pic pls refer to my facebook, lazy to upload here :p

then on sat, the next day, early morning pergi buka kedai and doing some paper work in eden, then some photo touch up. suddenly khang called me and asking am i in eden, he's dropping by since he wants to come to puchong for cny groceries shopping -.-" and i said i'll accompany him for groceries shopping since i've finish my thing. tell you, this is the worst groceries shopping ever! not the companion but the crowd -.-" 1st we hardly get parking, then queued for trolley! imagine we have to wait for 3 rounds before we can get trolley! everyone was like so ganas rampas here n thr -.-" 1st time experience the trolley rampas-ing scene -.-" after we trying so hard to get our trolley, we shop for 100plus, and again the people rampas here n there, like no need money to buy! tragic! rampas until no stock, and also hardly to move around, trolley jam and also people jam, can u imagine that! -.-" khang said luckily i was there to jaga trolley and he go rampas the stuff with ppl -.-" after 2 hrs, finally done our cny groceries shopping, planned to go for a drink with khang but eden called up for help, so no choice back to eden work again. then at night was going out for drink at G6 with chai's gang, back home changed, picked up gene and head to mid valley -.-" that place was damn smokey and crowded! guess it's still new, some more music not nice! damn boring on that night, not worth to enjoy every single thing! was texting with khang whole night coz both of us went to sucky place, he was at opera.. lol.. another late night, arrived home at 3am and passed out!

sun morning pergi buka kedai again, damn tiring! but can rest abit at shop coz kinda free.. he he.. and then they all left early and left me alone in eden coz i've to wait for a customer. then head back home for dinner. later on khang picked me up and we head to tian hou gong for shooting, ady planned on fri and shee hoe tagging along, hika only join us after finish shooting.. but to my disappointment tian hou gong din switch on the tang lung light :( no mood to shoot anymore, after 1 hr lepaking there, we planned to go petaling street for shooting, since we're in kl, so we called up hika and meet there.. me, khang n shee hoe ady walked the whole petaling street but hika haven came yet, then waited at roadside, coz he said he bring us to somewhere else to minum n makan (the wanton stall closed that day) so we drove to heritage row, but didnt open, then klcc, jln p ramlee, bkt bintang, changkat n finally settled down at jln alor -.-" using 1 hr to set for our yam cha place! almost finish rounding kl! and we picked pappa rich! -.-" damn sigh! so we chit chat until 12am, hika dropped us back to petaling street, then khang dropped shee hoe at seputih and only he send me back home, rounding in kl area again -.-" and finally reached home at 1am, passed out again!

then yesterday dragged myself wake up early morning to work, busy for whole day, then at night went to kl (again!) for buffet dinner at Shangri-La hotel, eric's dad spend eden's family a nice meal since we're helping eric alot on his wedding, eat non stop for 3 hrs! damn full! back to eden ady around 11, get some work done then head back, passed out at 12.30am.

so this is all my "no-so-happening" outings! damn tiring! i need more personal time wei! need to go for cny shopping! urgh!

guess is the end of the emo post

2010-02-02T23:28:00.004+08:00

i'm thinking to delete this blog, delete all the unhappy and sad story in my life, why is it happened again? mana pergi itu commitments? i've been crying for a week, and suffer from illness for 3 weeks, damn it, why my life is still getting worst? it's the brand new year wei!!

tragic part now only starting, and i really cant stand it anymore, i thought things is getting better but now it seems like no hope at all, miracles doesnt happen this time, sadly i can say i'm so damn stressed out myself, even i cant recognize myself anymore. from the beginning was the wrong path for me, now even getting deeper and couldnt get myself out of it.. fuck it! i know friends are important but we're in the business, not playing sand, and i've been pushing myself alot to do things better, well at least better than nothing, but this round i'm really really disappointed with you guys. i dont know how to describe but the feeling is so sucky now. everyone was like in a cold war, playing psychology games. damn!

i'm still wondering where's the happy moment we have for the past 2 years? we already been thru alot of things, from happy to sad, from poor to rich then poor again, hanging out like a family, where's this feeling now? now everyone seems like dont know each other anymore, speak also must think 1st. urgh, i hate this kind of feelings!

to fay i'll always at your side to support you, you're the most powerful girl on earth, even me cant beat you, we both sick also work, and always dont have food in tummy, save all the unused things just to make the money grow bigger, dont worry, they dont appreciate but i can see the hard works that you've putting into it, no one can understand how the feel was when no one appreciate, but i've been thru the situation and i understand why you'll have this decision. i wish you luck in your future undertakings, and i also hope it'll be a happy ending :)

well for me it's depends on my decision, if situation continue like that i wont stay, i'm really really tired as well, sick of all the problems again! i guess i really need a break on all my works and jobs on hand, everything is killing me, everything is getting worst not only for a small part but for my whole career, i dont think i can handle a company and doing another business in the same time anymore, i need to change both of my jobs!! pressure keep on coming like no body's business, i'm a human as well, and i have feelings wei! push too hard will make things worst!

to let me handle the company sounds not easy at all! and for the manpower i dont think i still can survive long, i know i'm blessed to have a chance which the road is set for me, but i'm just not ready to take over, even work is pressure with all kinds of aspect. just too hard for me if without anyone who can support me and teach me, somehow i felt it's the pressure and no appreciation for working like hell!

rushing and pushing myself so hard is torturing! and i need to stop it! i mean it!!

all the people wont understand me how i feel now, somehow i wish to change, my ability and limit is exceeded way too much, hurting myself and deep pain in heart no body can feel it. i'll still smile at all the people and fooling around, but not me anymore.

3 musketeers heng dais-1 i hate 1 i loved n 1 i respect
1 boss i respect n thankful for giving me chance
making me crazy!

sick

2010-01-27T22:08:00.002+08:00

down with sick again,
2nd time in a month, bravo!

at first was having serious flu last week for 3 days,
then yest n today having high fever n sorethroat!

damn all kind of sick come in 1 shot,
felt like wasting time lying on the bed only.
and i still have damn lot of works to do!
blargh!

2am

2010-01-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

am still up for work now :(

suffering from all the stress i had, and making myself looks like shit now.. haih.. i dont know what can i do now except work work and work non stop, even go out i cant really relax and enjoy! i think this round i really need a break, a real break!

cheered up by chai just now, actually he did made my day :) i wan to see it in real person! lol

and even went to mv for camera survey with philip, having a nice chat and dinner with him, but when back to work the mood totally changed. i just couldnt take so many stress! too many things bother me now until i cant take any more move, just can say work harder and harder, taking life to another stage and also trying not to push myself so hard.

few days back have a nice chat with khang (in a very wrong place also!) make me feel so much better, at least ppl around me care about me. :) i really need to catch up with all my old friends!

and for my situation, i dont really like to beg people for help, i need supports, someone could really understand my situation and mentally helping me.. really thanks to my apek cousin who always listen to me.. he he.. and giving me alot of advice which is good for me.

another busy week ahead, finger crossed that i can survive and done all my works! and i hope my hardwork really get paid off! that's a simple request i needed for the time being. i just need to be pampered!

life sucks, hating it alot. how can i change it?

oh well, i officially categorize this page as emo blog from now on! either hates it or love it. this is just my 'ordinary' life which full of shocking challenges!

i wanna scream my lungs out!

2010-01-19T15:45:00.003+08:00

urghhhhhhhhhhhh

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

damn damn stress, i just wanted to shout out or cry out again!

please dont rush me anymore, everything must follow the queue, all tight deadlines, damn it!

ok feel so good after shouting thru text -.-"

actually i should be blogging about all my happy stuff! i have so many things to share! no time to edit pics yet, guess i think it'll just drag till no way.. hm..

and i've been drinking alot of wine lately, my addiction is back now.. hoho.. last time i was wine addict, everytime been drinking at friend's house! eekkss, should control my drinking, cant always be drinking non stop!

alrite back to work.. boooo!

2.1.2010

2010-01-02T23:28:00.002+08:00

not to late to wish everyone happy new year!

spanking new year ahead, festive season mood already gone and now is the 2010, time flies so fast, hardly taking a deep breathe to slow down. time is so precious!

i'm loving december but hating january.

december is the festive month where thr's lots of holidays, which means got excuses for nice meals & party down town, been having xmas lunch, dinner, bbq & drinking session, get closer with all the colleagues, friends n family, and also pampered myself by buying an expensive bag (again!) then off to new year dinner & countdown, but starting on 1.1.2010 already woke up early for work and work.

*for the picture viewing me lasy to upload it here, just goto my facebook to view XD

**and for my status update just follow me at twitter.. lol.. abandoned my blog ady.

actually now i should continue my work but i'm just not into the mood, whole body aching and lack of sleeps. and also been emo for the pass few days, i dont know why the bad luck is still sticking me, wont let me have a normal life as i wish to, just cant let go on the things that i've been struggling now. feel so bad!

the whole thing for this blog post aso kinda emo, i cant control my feelings when the bad things happened on me, and i've cried again for once when the situation is so damn bad and the feeling is so sucky! i told myself to be strong but i just couldnt hold my tears, it automatic dropped down. worst thing just pushing me very hard and i cant stand it. haih.

felt so stupid and silly for once again. in everything: career, family, friends and relationship, all damn complicated game that needed alot of efforts to play and move on. the most difficult game is the relationship part, just couldnt guess what will happened next or how the feel had totally changed. miss all the things that he had done for me and what we've been, the sweetest time is always too short, only left memory in my heart. surprises makes me happy :) yet coolness makes me upset :(

miracles oh miracles! i'm still believing it no matter how bad is the situation. i know i'm damn lucky and too greedy to ask for more, but for just once i'm hoping miracles happen on me, everything goes well and hard work pays off!

time for some sleep, if not turned into zombie again.

work just drag till tomorrow, it's still holiday wei!

old & new me

2009-12-08T11:56:00.003+08:00

time flies. it's the last month of the year 2009.

still the same old me, but i need to be a new me for next year, which is just a few weeks later..

same thing like last time, i'll list down what i've archived for this year and the resolution for the brand new year :)

in year 2009

jan

cny month, eating n visiting friends non-stop, glad i meet back my primary & secondary school mates, and of coz angpao money this year is damn alot :p

feb

meeting back my ex-colleagues and farewell for my colleague :(

mar

spending a lot of precious time with families :)

apr

is my bday month! lot of celebration & surprises! unexpected.. he he.. and went for a short roadtrip..

may

crazy month, outings non-stop from partying to roadtrips, and it was the most sweetest month for me but it ended too fast :( too complicated for us..

oh 1st time ever attended malay's wedding dinner

june

due to the down-ess of my emotions, crying non-stop, more outings and starting renovations for the new eden

jul

still damn sad and emo, and grandma starting to get weak day by day.. had a stupid fight with bff until cold war.. and i've also made my biggest purchase in my life, booked a car!

aug

got my new car and got scratched for the 1st time -.-" and went for roadtrip again to PD for 2 days in a row -.-"

sep

more n more outings & roadtrips -.-" seems like continuous non-stop.. and partying too -.-" damn pk for this month.. 1st week of holidays-1st day clubbing, 2nd day drove to melacca, 3rd day movie, 2 days later clubbing again.. 2nd week of holidays-roadtrip to melacca again, then drinking session the next day, 2nd day drinking again (conned night!) then 3rd day drinking again! worst on 3rd day and i cant forgive myself for being so drunk and spoiled the whole date :( my fault after a nice n romantic dinner plus movies but i spoiled the night.. damn, i'm so regret and feel so guilty.. i thought the 2nd chance is here but i just spoiled it :( i was so upset and go out to drink again on the weekends -.-" 2 days in a row again! oh and i made another purchase-iphone!

oct

very happening again, meet up with ex-colleagues & her frens, cousin's 21st birthday, bachelor's night, birthday celebrations, yamcha n outings with s6-ians, roadtrip to PD again and collected my iPhone, and eden gallery changed name to eden bridals

nov

officially wed is the movie day, drinking session again and again, and oh went to sing k! booked hk's hotel & air tix to bali & ho chi minh, crazy planning for next year!

dec

be a videographer for actual day wedding and got alot of surprises from a friend :)

(soon to be add in more)

phew! there's alot of things happened in just a year, without noticing it.. glad that i went thru all the hard times, learned alot of new things and also start planning for my future :p

well guess this year was the most hectic year for me, and i cant believe that now i'm owning a new car and a new phone, all paid by my self!

ok here's the list of my resolution for the year of 2010:

- sayang my body and take good care of my health (that's a must!)

- target earn 80k next year

- car & phone got it ady, must maintain

- start saving more, target 1k per month

- invest on housing, guess it's time to start planning to buy a new house for myself!

- more trips & gateway!

- changing to a new working environment (well, every year i did say the same thing but i still stick with my current company -.-")

- be more brave to myself, do not shy to ask! (which i'm coz i know i'm so introvert!)

- start gym or yoga! need diet! i need to slim down!

- more shopping to pamper myself more :p

- more time for families & old friends

- get a bf! lol i'm serious!

- get more books to read.. been stopping buying books recently -.-"

well i guess i wont want to expect more from the list above, sometimes life's interesting when you have a lot of surprises and unexpected things that happened around you, as i'm enjoying every moment in my life now!

time to forget all the bad things that happened on me and start thinking positive, it's the end of the year ady and need to kick start another brand new year ahead! i've always wanted to have a happy ending of each and everything but life is unfair, and there's always challenge ahead. i hope i'm still strong enough, as i've been in bad luck for 2 years, and i'm used to it, sick of it actually. so i need to work harder for myself and help others if i've the ability.

hope next year will be a brighter year for me! *finger crossed*

to someone who i hated

2009-11-17T13:54:00.006+08:00

ok i dunno how to start this post, but i'm more calm now than yesterday..

phew!

something happened in my life again.

and i'm really really sick of it.

i dont know whether am i allowed to publish the story here.

but i just wanted to speak out what i felt now, my emotions been up and down, i even cant sleep for the whole night just for this incident!

and you're even not important in my life also! why i wanted to respect you and saying sorry to you? wtf..

i'm not mean to point out all your bad attitude but you really being so selfish and irresponsible, and seriously from the starting i'm hating you until now.. college time we're in different badge and i'm the senior, i didnt mean to challenge you to be the top student or the best student (which i honored as best student during graduation ceremony) every assignments i'm putting heart to do it and learn every single technique, when u ask for help or advice i'm happy to tell but when i'm asking you, you just said you dont know but you did it afterall.. so i thought i wont be seeing you after college since i'm not close with you and i dont think you even treated me as a friend, but the faith has brought back us together (wahh sounds so cliché) working damn hard for eden, which the ex left me alone then, suppose i'm leaving but not staying, but i choose to stay, all i can said is i'm not agree with your work, always ask people to do it but in the end need people to follow up or to rescue the work, wasting money to do all the useless stuff, and also as a partner you dont even trust me on what i'm doing and no need to ask for my opinion or suggestion whether i'm agree with the on-going things.. you dont even respect me as a partner! or i shall said even respect me as a girl! how hard to escaped from being molested.. you dont even know how i felt and how you freaked me up, and i choose to stay silence, but now when i think back i'm being silly again.. what for i wanted to susah myself, you think you can pretend to be pity and grabbing everyone's attention? who care's about my feeling, you dont have friend but doesnt mean that i've grabbed your friends for not asking you for trip together, you felt you've left alone but did you know that no one is liking the way you are and you really scared me outta my life! please, i'm not mean to hate you but your attitude i really cant tahan, i've always listen to you and follow the way you want to work things out, even your birthday i belanja u makan and watch movie (which i didnt even do this to my close friend!) 1 word to describe-selfish, and you just want victory, earn fast money, irresponsible and didnt care about other's feeling..

of all i can say, either i stay or i leave, dragging myself not to think about it but i cant, problems still hanging there and i need a solutions! and for the brothers who always supported you, you should be glad that you've people to stand on your side, but me, totally alone and no one could understand how i felt in the situation, you're not even worth for me to spend so much time and efforts on you, i've apologize and i dont think i can handle or face you anymore, soon i'll let myself disappear from this reality, and i meant it!

although yesterday night your brother is helping to understand the situation, and i guess it helped, even you say sorry back to me, i didnt feel anything, i still can laugh infront of you but in my heart i'm really hurt, for what i'm getting back is this! i'm really speechless.. and thanks to you for letting me know the people that i hated i still care about it..

i'm so damn moody from yesterday till today, and to my mum pls stop nagging me, i'm so damn stressed until i can breathe, i need some air and freedom, i just hope that i'm living in my own sweet dream but not facing the reality, it's really really scary!

and for you, i just wanted to let you know that among all the friends i have, you're the most unique one, and thanks for making my life so interesting! if this post annoyed you, let me know, i'll take it down, but i think you wont even understand what i've wrote. sorry to be mean on you, life's is cruel! and i'm in deep shit of my life now.

***

(er, wanted to continue writing again)

i need you to understand your brothers as well, i dont know if it's help, your brother is working very very hard just to protect you, just because you all are best buddies from kids till now, but world is changing, no one will willing to help you all the time when you still not moving around, please go and know yourself even more.. everyone is damn serious but you're still making jokes around, not practical though.. please hate me enough and not for the whole team, not everyone is like your brother so good who willing to stand at your side, and i'm jealous! if you have decide that you want to leave, i'll respect you and say thankyou, and i'll help you to buy all your shares, this is all i can do to make everything and everyone saved in the business.. you're being so childish, like playing sand in the business, you dont even know how many hard works that your brother puts in, i pity them but not you, the reason i stayed is because of the hard work and the heart in it. i'm not letting you to spoiled it, and i really appreciate if you can understand our situation and not starting to get any issues in the business.

oh and the bali trip, i'm not going anymore.. even hk trip i'm thinking not to go..

***

(okay, today i decided to write more & more again)

you failed in your relationship doesnt mean it's the end of the world, not everyone have the responsibility to cheer u up, and accompany you all the while, listen to your ranting, and making everyone moody and getting people's to care about you.. please! you already broke up for almost 1 year and please stop it! i know she's your 1st love and been through a long time but life's still go on! and i bet your ex leaving you is for your own goods and for hers as well.. dont ever tell again how much you cant put down in this relationship.. dont bullshit on me how this girl and that girl is very pretty and would go and tackle them, and please dont get jealous on the couple of one of ur brother.. love doesnt mean anything, and from your aspect nothing is important for you other than money! i can tell that!

and you make jokes around us, which is so ridiculous you jokes about all the weaknesses and the bad things, i'm hating that, your jokes giving me that you've bones in your words which hurt me so bad, but i know you're joking so i didnt really take it seriously, but.. but when i telling jokes, what the hell you're so serious and you even can get angry without any reason, this is really really small gas of you.. selfish again, thinking that you're the god and everything you done is good for us and didnt even care about others feeling, hurting like no body's business..

i dont know why am i so hating you, none of my friends even make me this mad! you're the 1st and i've already open my heart (this sounds so wrong!) to accept you as my friend but now i couldnt lie to myself again, i'm not going to treat you so good like before, even i dont want to see you anymore, very sickening.. your brothers will still stand on your side and helping you to say good words in front of me, but everything is different now, you're ruining your life but not mine, i wouldnt fckin care what's gonna happened next, i'll do what i'm in the position, for business purposes only..

seems like i'm spending too much time to hate you afterall, you still can blame on me why i didnt booked your ticket to bali (which is the main reason for this) but i've apologize and i did even ask you if you wanted to watch 2012 together, seems your ego is killing you and i guess you'll be alone for the rest of your life if you still dont want to change your attitude.. and you even make me hating your brothers as well for helping you so much, sounds like i'm the person who cause this issue out and making all the things cramp up! i'm the trouble maker now and i'm useless..

you know how hard the feeling is when you're left alone, not even a trust worthy friend who can stand at your side, i'm really really tired of it, i just want to get out from all this situation, for what i've done is nothing and no one could appreciate.. nor anything that i can really help, love hate relationship again.. and i'm not trying to be pity, this is my own blog and i just type out how i feel in my mind, i'll still be happy to live every single second of my life, i'll cheer up myself and i'll pampered myself more, not letting me drowning like you!

polarized

2009-11-13T17:35:00.003+08:00

fresh from my iPhone, captured from the day i gt it until now :)

when i'm bored or alone, i'll do something silly

good memory for this! 2nd time been conned to get this!

but it tasted so good, cant resist it! da-bao-ed all the way from kl to ss14 pappa rich -.-"

stupid bro testing my iPhone!

dinner with fred at this restaurant served weird eating combo

from dry turned to soup! and i gt conned again -.-" fred cheated me by telling me the meat balls are pork but actually it's beef! urgh

yummy tuna toast & iced coffee for breakfast on a lovely sat morning!

behind the scene of sample shooting, videographer on the other side..

not helping out but having fun.. ke ke

lunch at some penang cafe which served delicious otak-otak fried rice!

jamming everyday!

okay this last one is cheat one, not capture using my iPhone, called it 'pic of the day!'

have a great weekend people!

gateway 2010

2009-11-12T22:03:00.003+08:00

so it's confirm, my gateway for next year gonna be so fun and pack! and need to start saving T.T

march hk

june ho chi minh

august bali

phew!

will try to update all my pending post again.. quite semangat now.. haha

grrrr..

2009-11-03T01:11:00.003+08:00

so so so so sick of it again!

i.need.pamper

i.dont.want.to.care.anymore

can anyone hear me?

when my mood are damn down, suddenly i received a poem:

"today is mood, tomorrow is mood; i born from mood, we have mood; mood is good n good is mood, good mood good mood!"

obviously it cheered me up! :)

but now i'm down again :(

random again

2009-10-26T19:40:00.002+08:00

phew finally settled most of my pending jobs, fri & weekend aint great at all and was damn exhausted (as usual la) sorry for making ppl worried about my previous post, guess i've been too stress for myself ady (even i had alot of dandruff! urgh)

feel better now and keep my self alone, guess when time passed it cure my pains.. deep inside my heart.. i dont even know why i'll feel so stressed but when the things come it just happened to be very peaceful, i guess i'm over worried about the situation, and i'm glad i still have friends beside me to cheer me up, making my life easier (although they still always making fool around.. ke ke) and i'm so sorry to left behind my family, so sorry to missed the dinner and i'm so sorry for speaking loud to my mum, i know she's trying to help and care about me, but just let me to settle by myself.. after had a long talk with my mum last week, i realize that this isnt what i need to work this way, i dont know how to describe but it makes me put down the things behind and let it go naturally.

and i'm lucky for owning so many stuff, some friend (elder than me) told me that i was already very good at this stage for being so mature and confident, and most important is the passion that they can see, from a stage to another, from nothing become the owner. feel so please and grateful that i'm able to be strong, at least i've what i'm dreamt of and still there's a lot of things i should fight for, in the future :)

have a gd day people!

taking a deep breathe

2009-10-22T21:30:00.003+08:00

being very very emo for pass few days, and gone through some hard time again, wonder why all the things come in a sudden. making me so suffer! i even cried for nothing, okay call me cried baby, i just cant hold my tears.

"i'm just a normal person, not a superwoman! and i only have a pair of hands!"

u can see me laugh out loud, but when i'm alone i feel so depressed, problems still keep going and rounding, or i shall said all the things came 1 short and i dont know how to face it.

i feel lost. everyday i just follow my feel to do the things i need to do, but i'm not happy at all. or i'm just scared to face the reality?

i wanted to hide myself deep inside the ground, to let me feel better, and keep me silence. for you, you and you, i just dont want to care anymore! i felt that i'm the dumb-est person on earth! i wont fckin care what's left for me, i just want to be back myself.

for the time being and for sake of my life, i'll still stand strong.

thanks for letting me ranting here.

phew~

time to start work again!

iPhone adventure story

2009-10-18T13:14:00.005+08:00

well well, how do i want to start this post.. actually this is the continuous story from the part 1 that you can read *here*

so productive that i wanted to blog about my iPhone story again and again!

(booking has been made and now the collection part)

story begins on a hectic thurs, received email from hoe again (hoe is internet-less in off n he only be able to use email as his chatting tools) this round more ppl joined in, tien, me n khang, busy replying their mails, and also busy doing work la.. out of sudden i gt msn msg from khang (which really rare, long time didnt chat with him on msn) and he copied my nick! then he surprise me by saying he just received a msg from his dad saying that his iPhone is ready to collect! and since i was replying quite slow (need to work mar) so i received his call, at 1st dunno is him cause he's using off num (pandainya) and i recognize his voice so he told me the collection and i was like shouting to him and the whole office can hear my voice -.-" i was damn emo and pissed off and geram and merajuk here and there.. all mixed emotion come out! after cutting the line from the phone i still marah marah him at msn, even facebook -.-" damn gan cheong and damn emo!!

so khang has made a call to maxis to confirm whether his iPhone is ready and i keep on asking him to help me to complain, it's unfair! he booked his 4 days after my booking and why i didnt received any calls/sms/mail from maxis? damn pissed off lor.. but cant help, controlled my emotions and get back to work since the workloads are killing me and i've told khang will meet him after work to collect his together (actually i was planning to try my luck!)

so it was 6pm and i still in office, khang called again and asking whether i've arrived cause he saw my name on the collection list! when i hear that i quickly shut down my mac and speed to pyramid..

once arrived at maxis center at pyramid, i quickly goto the counter and ask 1st before i go and meet khang who was already there for his collection with his mum, and i was very mad that when the guy said that i'm in the list of collection, i straight away scold the guy for not informing me and keep me waiting! urgh damn pissed off, quickly i request for num and proceed to the counter where khang ady got his iPhone in his hand T.T damn jealous! and i hafta wait for another 1 hr before my turn :( keep waiting n waiting and luckily khang keep me accompanied..

the waiting part is the worst, payment lagi worst!! damn bad experience i had! after my num showing on the screen, then i proceeded to the counter and give the girl all the documents that required, wait again for her to key in all the particulars, and wait again for her to get my iPhone from the store until she put it infront of her which i only can see it but couldnt touch it! and made payment that time i gave her my credit card, wait again and when she's back she said my card cant do the transaction! i was like wth? i'm hating public bank! boycott the credit card! was so damn nervous and dunno what to do, called the bank and he said i exceed my limit! urgh my other installment credit also counted in the limit :( i was stunned and dunno what to do, really really nervous, iPhone infront of me but kenot get it, and i'm thinking my self why am i so bad luck :( luckily khang is there with me and willing to help me! thankyou sooooo much! i really touch and thanks for saving my iPhone! phew what a experience! after all the ding-dong-ing, and i still puzzled after the incident, i barely can laugh when i open the box until i touch the iPhone, phew~

so after both of us got our new toy and happily leave maxis center, we went to sushi zamai for dinner as khang's parent are already there, paiseh to let both of them wait me in the maxis center, still very stunned while in the restaurant, barely eat cause no mood :p phew.. thanks khang again for the dinner! and after that we went to machine to grab our screen protector and cover.. coincidentally we choose the same cover with screen protector but different color! :p camwhore abit after we got our thing and went back home after that to install applications and settings..

and so now introducing my another newborn baby, iPhone 3Gs.

really thanks to khang for the accompanied and we even countdown together before we collect it and predict whether we can collect it at the same time, and also my baby wont be lonely, got a new partner! hehe.. new addiction and i'm loving it! finally my dream phone is on my hand now and i'll appreciate it (but yest i dropped it on the floor for the 1st time T.T heart broken)

view my final year project prediction *here* for 3 years and it's finally here :)
(actually i should upload my 1st draft of my project, exactly the same shape that i've design!)

pictures time:

khang "touched" his iPhone (jealousnya)

dropping nokia.. ha ha

transferring from nokia to iPhone

with his black box n black iPhone (mine is white! very contrast from khang, we're playing opposition -.-")

the num that i've been waited for almost 1 hr!

can see but kenot touch T.T

drama over, finally get it in my hand, and i can see that i'm forcing to laugh

unpacking

woots i'm grinning!

introducing my new baby~

white color somemore

finally can laugh from my heart :p

after getting our skins from machine

and we're playing contrast again -.-" coincidently

mine with magenta skin cover

and his with blue skin (eventually he's looking for green but dont have stocks)

skin on!

tadaaa! they booth gt accompany and partner! wont be lonely.. ha ha

khang still looks so skinny -.-"

pls bare with my after-working face.. damn teruk.. some more dress like a aunty :p no time to dress up that day, was overslept again and i just grab any clothes from my wardrobe :p

officially broke now and time to explore my baby again! ha ha..
till then! have a great sunday~

too little time

2009-10-12T16:21:00.003+08:00

not-so-recent me, just feel that need to post some picture up but end up choosing this pic :p

too little time for me this few days, crazy! not enough of rest and sleeps.. uhuhuh T.T need to organize my time again.. actually i've been putting down alot of things but why still so busy, rushing here and there, making me headache, work kills, no choice hafta earn money, got freelance to do also cant cover all my expenses.. haih.. then this few weeks i really party hard, every week non-stop.. need to do more mask d :(

bah rambling again.. i've lots of pending post need to clear but dont feel like blogging it..

**random**

it's his bday this week, and i bought him the present, how silly am i? oh gosh, i dont even know why i'll go and pick his bday gift, well see whether i'm brave enough to pass it to him though..

aug outings with hiki

2009-10-02T16:05:00.003+08:00

clearing my pending post again!
it's us again, after getting my baby i've been hanging out alot!
lazy to type, picture post ok?

dinner at amarin thai, mid valley

merdeka eve at brussels jaya one

more pix post coming uppppp!

btw
happy birthday to boon!

my iPhone purchase story

2009-09-29T15:15:00.004+08:00

so many things happened in just a day!
normally mon is the worst day of the week but yesterday i had so much excitement!

okay first i surprised that i woke up on time in the morning cause i thought i sure overslept due to sundays' beer session with s6-ians (which will be up in another post.. he he) and pick my work clothes nicely and even got time to put make-up on, traffic was very smooth too! 1st thing to do in office i'll start my mac and open my mailbox (office mail), then software (illus&photoshop) and msn plus facebook & my hotmail.. it's my daily routine :)

then i got so many mails coming up, from tiong hoe which are using his off mail as a chatting tool and alot of notifications from facebook, was a lovely good start early monday morning! guess the beer session are making everyone damn happy eh.. dunno why but it let me recalls the time during secondary school.. ah good o' days!

time flies and it's lunch time, tiong hoe was asking if am i going to find him for lunch, ok since rain stopped and i go to his office and pick him up, went to some coffee shop for damn nice char kuey teow with juicy & huge prawn! we even have time for tiramisu at sar chan! what a lovely lunch treat by tiong hoe.. he he.. thankyou so much for the lunch, and he called it equal value trading! haha..

so after sending him back to office and i also rush back to office to finish up my works and thinking heading to maxis center at pyramid after works.. and so coincident hiki also wanted to goto digi center then we both go together lor..

then the evil part, was so tempting to get iphone 3Gs since i've been to maxis center many times and this round i've made my purchase again!! bravo right!! booked my iphone 3Gs 32G white color and need to wait for 45 days, and i've to apply for a new maxis number also :( money all gone like that! some more maxis got alot of hidden charges T.T actually when i was about to apply new number and book for the iphone that time i seems so worried, and i'm not happy at all after i booked my iphone, i dont know why!! mixed feeling and decision are made, no turning back this time.. haih, why la splurged everything last minute, all out of my budgets! damn i really need to eat roti for the next month ady, using up all my money for the next month and not even starting of the month.. huhuhuhu T.T

accompanied hiki for dinner at pyramid, then walk around, and i've no feelings at all, i dont even know why! maybe i'm tired so i just head back home and rest, told my mum about my purchase and she keep on mumbling :( lagi no mood la.. after dinner and shower, online awhile, facing all the virus and email spam from facebook & many notifications on friend's photo comment T.T no mood lagi, then play around my new num, thinking of terminate it 1st then activate it back when my iphone is arrive but think again for the cost, haih so just use it, reset back my pinky and miracle happened! it works back to normal T.T urghhhhh seems like i'm regretting to get my iphone so fast T.T no choice, transfer back all my contacts into the phone and drag myself to bed :( dont want to think about it anymore T.T

this morning persuade myself again it's the best purchase and it's my dream phone! but the bill & finance part damn teruk, dont feel like facing it.. thinking of money makes me headache.. arghhhh T.T this time i'm really broke, i let myself drop down to the drain again T.T

45 days and counting T.T

(ps: actually i'm ranting about digi recently about the network problem and my pinky died on me suddenly pass few days only making me the urge to buy iphone, okay it's fate, gotta accept it and god bless me that i still have enough of cash to turn around until end of oct T.T)

(overdue)birthday celebration

2009-09-28T14:56:00.002+08:00

on the 21st of aug was fred & san san's birthday, yea they both born on the same day same year, so normally both of them have celebration together, this time we postponed the celebration 2 days after..

so as usual we hang out in eden, but this time slightly different, we cut cake 1st before we went for the dinner, if not the cake cant finish and wasted.. ahah

pictures time in random order:

this is what you get when your camera left to somebody else and clicking non-stop.. haha.. but i also clever, got material & pics to blog.. LOL

no pic for the dinner cause we all dead hungry and eat like monsters! haha

***
damn semangat to upload pending pictures!
more to come next!

naked

2009-09-24T11:20:00.003+08:00

phone spoil, lost contact to the whole world i think! urgh.. damn moody for the whole night yesterday and for today! feels like naked to life without phone.. T.T

y la my pinky served me for the past few years decide to down on me, dont get jealous when i said i wanted to get iphone!!!

urgh frustrated!

6 days

2009-09-22T21:55:00.002+08:00

bravo for me again! let me tell you guys what happened in this 6 days:

thurs
woke up at 4 and start shooting samples in melaka until 9.30, dead tired, and sun burning, feel so useless for this sample shootings, not being well prepared and kinda dissapointed.

fri
woke up at 10, shop-keeping, finished up pending freelance jobs and meet up with philip for dinner, hear his sad story as i mentioned in previous post. back home at 1am.

sat
woke up at 9, shop-keeping and damn lot appointments, busy for whole afternoon, dinner with eden's member then head to changkat bukit bintang for drinks with chai, ky, hiki, joshua & friends. 1st night of drunk day and crazy night out. back home at 4am.

sun
woke up at 12, being so tipsy. shop-keeping again and laze for the whole afternoon online, dinner with eden's member again and out for supper with s6-ian, then drink at luna bar, again tipsy night. back home at 2am.

mon
woke up at 10, dim sum with family and whole afternoon staying up in aunty house for some family reunion, mook cake making, chat & yam cha with cousins, then the rest of the night dinner & movie with ck, and head to drink again at sanctuary, bump into kenny & friends for his farewell. this is the most terrible night i've! it's a drunk night, damn i shouldnt drink 3 days in a row, sorry ck! back home at 2am.

tues
woke up at 10, still feel so dizzy, been hangover for the past 3 days! sleep again until 2, then head to eden to arrange some stuff, and dinner with families & relatives, asking rick & fred to help for shooting big family portrait. thankss guys. and now i'm here writing this post.

phew crazy holiday i've! i couldnt believe it! feel so guilty for torturing myself! i wont let this happened again! urgh!

rush rush rush

2009-09-18T22:02:00.003+08:00

i've lots of things on hand but i dont know which i should start on.. too many things to rush for the weeks and actually i kinda hate it.. i dont like last mins jobs or plans but it seems everytime it happened to me and continuous non-stop..

blargh i'm emo again and again..

*thinking who can help me to organize my time*

phew,

actually today kinda down.. feel like a machine doing work, shop-keeping.. and also kinda sad to hear the love story from my friend.. why am i so emo huh.. guessing i'm thinking back the old time again..

actually i shouldnt blame my life now, this is what i'm having after being for so strong now.. picture post up next.. give me some time :)

finally, my baby!

2009-09-05T12:25:00.003+08:00

introducing my baby!
sorry for being mia again.. need to take a break from everything and have fun and now i'm back.. hahaha.. too many holidays need to spend! means there will be lots of pics coming up :)

*heartbroken* after 2 weeks got my baby then there's a scar! urgh not my fault, stupid neighbor who scratch my car T.T damn innocent la! sad case, dont want to talk about it anymore and i dont want to repeat the story again.. bah..

proof of picture:

will try to update more of my outings! till then.

my baby

2009-08-09T23:00:00.004+08:00

oh it's been a week since i've got my baby.. he he.. still very excited about it but no time to blog about.. been busy with some small small jobs and also i've been catching up my tvb series recently :p

hm.. what should i named my baby? pearlie? or whitey? haha.. but i still prefer called as baby.. he he.. although it's common but much more intimate feel.. hahaha.. aiks.. like i've just delivered :p well all can i said is getting a baby is easy, but the maintenance is killing me, need to put so many efforts, from the day i pay the down payment, until i got the car, tinted it, and need to 'feed' it (as in petrol la.. duh) and everyday very hardworking to clean it and wipe it.. ke ke.. guess it's still new? all my money ady put into the car.. now pk ady T.T but it's worth it la.. cause this car belongs to me.. just exactly like how to treat a baby! :D been driving here and there since the 1st day i got my car, return home from eden and showroom many times, then to jaya 1 yam cha, to bangsar and to mont kiara! phew, then the next day to mv! and after day drove it everyday to work and back home.. luckily this week can let my baby rest awhile, no time to lepak :p

guess my life now are back to normal, suddenly i felt i'm bored, and wanted to go out party and have fun, getting to know more friends (which is not my personality, i kinda hate social though) and i'm getting lazy in my jobs too.. only last minute do it and very cincai finished it only (opps hope boss & colleagues wont see this) hmm slowing down in everything i have now, no more excitements or surprises.. wonder is it a good sign? or is it a time to change? i'm thinking to change my working environment, but it's a big step for me, and i'm scared to move, i wanted to give a try to the big agencies but i've to think from alot of aspect, 1st thing of cause is the salary and the benefits, and if i'm changing i've to start all over again :( and soon i'll plan for my holiday, i really need a break, i dont mind it's just a small road trip or what, i just want to charge back my power.. he he..

time for savings again! i couldnt believe i've splurged again! bought a dress from topshop & heels from zara.. feel so guilty T.T some more i've a baby to feed.. urgh.. i'm gonna die if i continue like that! so stop asking me out for shopping or movies or meals ok? preferred someone can sponsor me all then i'll go.. hahahaah.. guess i need to get more freelance ady.. i scared i kenot tahan until end of the month.. and i need to start paying my baby's installment ady.. so fast T.T so who got jobs faster give it to me ok.. price can negotiate.. hahah..

well shall stop here, eyes are closing, and my weekends just passed like this.. so bored! oh need to take picture for my new baby! so wait for my next post okie? he he.. let me think think what else i want to modify my lovely baby 1st.. ngek ngek!

2009-07-28T15:23:00.002+08:00

okay since i've nothing to do now and feel so sleepy, so update my blog abit.

(not that i dont want to work, but waiting client to revert, some more done with all my paper works d, surf net until sien and also facebook's game not interesting liao :p)

hah!

free until so damn free, busy until freaking busy, why ar? couldnt understand. designer's life is up and down huh, it can changed in just a sec to a totally different situation.

oh yesterday i attended the board meeting, phew, like finally there's a meeting, but nothing much to shout out, problems still hanging there, and all of us already sick of it, some more we all dont have like last time punya commitments d, well just let it be, as usual, either u scored or u failed, very simple. just dont get too much tension in it i can say overall, cause i'm really tired and i've done my best..

feel like wanna change everything (oh well i'm changing it already) changed a new car, done with loan and now waiting for the car (actually got car d but not the color i wanted! so wait la) and i need to change my phone! dont know whether it's the right time for me to get iphone.. and i'm still considering whether to apply new credit card by this month or next month. oh today got a parcel (so happy to receive a parcel) actually i bought a bag from an online boutique, finally got myself a new bag, a vintage bag actually.. yay! but still i miss the guess bag :( price of coz a big difference! omg i'm changing so many stuff d!

ah i need some sparkles in my life.

guess my life are getting boring.. keep repeating the same o' problem aso sien d..

not feeling to be in a relationship for now also, being so disappointed, and hurt and no confident for myself.. sick of seeing people living happily ever after or broke up ady and still couldnt let it go.. stuck in the middle is the most suffering wei! i'm not regret or anything, just felt when the chance is not standing beside me and i'm still believing thr's another 2nd chance *finger crossed*

bah another 2 more hours to kill!

what should i do now?

yet another celebration

2009-07-21T12:22:00.003+08:00

was planned last minute again for this lunch date, and i'm sorry i've delayed a week for gene's birthday treat, actually we was planning to have a road trip just 3 of us but too bad i cant make it and need to postponed it until early of aug.. i'm sorry guys! exactly last year i've also been postponing the celebration as well, my fault!

so when i was about time to goto gene's place to borrow her camera, she said that she can have lunch with me 1st before her friends come and pick her up, so we ended up at zen jap restaurant for our late lunch (brunch).. and i've mention before i bumped into my ex's friend who worked as a chef in that restaurant.. many thanks again for the yummy seafood salad & the potato salad! (guess it's kinda expensive though)

i like the environment there, kinda relaxing and the sunshine from outside, love at first sight! ha ha.. i always been to sushi zanmai but not zen :p sure will pay another visit next time! their interior also quite simple & unique, food was delicious as well and the service, erm need to improve la (or was i dine in that time is their off hours?) just 2 of the waiters who served for the whole restaurant.. overall ok la.. price also very nice some more! hah!

as usual we camwhore in between our meals and chit chat non-stop..

happy belated birthday! *hugs*

complimentary by the chef *thanks* (already have half of it then realized i haven snap pictures!)

happy gal!

tuna sushi *nice*

big prawn sushi *thumbs up*

very cozy dinning area with a pretty lady! ha ha..

and this little gal who's so cold and hafta wrap around with her scarf.. oh that's my latest hairstyle -.-" kiddy look! i wish my hair can grow faster now!

the dessert.. even more cold~

nice dinning place at zen (promoting zen pulak)

and she put in the whole muachi ice cream into her mouth!!

and i refused to eat coz too cold d.. freezing :p

then she's giving me this disappointed face :p

so i smiled at her.. grab 1 pc and eat lor.. no choice!

and smiled back to her again

one more.. hahahhah.. sick of my face eh.. couldnt help it.. just it turned out so nice and natural.. love it so much! (except my stupid bangs!)

ok gonna grab my lunch now! till then! :)

thinking of u

2009-07-20T00:44:00.002+08:00

suddenly i'm thinking of him again!
oh no why am i so emo at the night eh?

actually few days back i've post a status on twitter saying: you've brighten up my day!

story is not him or neither anyone brighten me up that morning, it's just i got compliment by my boss saying that i've done a good job, client like the design very much and it's a big project i can say, so i guess this is the biggest account that company have for the year! and i'm proud that the project that handled by myself finally got some rewards, my work being appreciated! that's why i'm so happy about, whole day was in a very good mood.. not until in the evening..

when i realized something unexpected, he removed me from his facebook account, and i guess i've also been block in his msn list -.-" it turned me real down.. i know it's not a big deal or what, just feel that it kinda disappointed.. and what's wrong with me? why am i still thinking of him when he doesnt really care about it :( i'm sad.. i still cant overcome my feeling towards him.. while checking some msg in my phone today, i looked back on his msg again, yea i still keeping those msg in my phone, just a few which i didnt delete it last time, and it makes me sad again, recall back the past few months it was a really sweet memory for me..

perhaps this round i need to put it all down completely, i dont know how to react when i heard the rumors still going on, and that's kinda funny.. well i'm now just guessing and thinking too much again.. couldnt help but just my imagination is more than what i've expect.. i couldnt lie that i still care and think about him.. i'm just so silly! i've been cheated by believing miracles!

i dont want to be so strong afterall, i need to be pampered eh! relationship is the most difficult game that i've played, and i'm failed.. for the 1st time i've put my career behind the relationship.. i'm tired on my career ady and i need some sparkles in my life!

proud of myself

2009-07-18T23:27:00.004+08:00

never been so free and relax for the weekends, and today i amazingly woke up at 12! very rare situation as i always need to wake up early for work, even on weekends.. everyone been asking me why am i so free today -.-" why i cant have a day off ler? hmm

let see, today i had lunch with gene at zen, pyramid, was surprised that bump into ex's friend (which i forgot his name, my fault) who worked as chef in zen, more surprise is he treated us a plate of seafood salad (i guess, cause didnt eat much) and potato salad! really wanted to thank him so much! supposed this is for gene's birthday lunch, haha, but we got ordered more food la.. their sushi and dessert very nice (will post it next time, got pictures!) then we chit chat abit and camwhore abit, as usual la.. after that gene going to meet her friends and i walk around at pyramid alone to do some survey and take some pictures for work (thanks gene for borrowing her cam, my cam borrowed to fay, why so confusing ar.. hmm) yes i'm doing work on weekend also, for a big project coming up, kinda excited though, snap pictures like no body business, people around looking at me i also dont care, hah!

and the evil part begins, after done for my survey i went some window shopping since i was in pyramid.. and there's many of S-A-L-E!!! couldn't resist it so have to check out all the stores (being so desperate to shop for cheap items pulak) mind my words - window shopping only! cause i've banned from shopping until end of the month! early of the month already splurged on 2 watches, must control! so i was in guess and i spotted a bag (my bag spoiled d so hafta look for a new one) like it very much, some more got 40% off! i was struggling in the shop for awhile, even i asked the sales girl to take a new one for me and gonna pay! but at last i dropped it, i dont know why, maybe i've think of the hard earn money and how i just spend like that! proud of myself #1

so sad to leave the store, and i was thinking maybe i get another cheaper bag to use 1st.. so i went to f21 to search for it.. along to the store i spotted aldo got sales! (see sales are evil) so i automatically walk in to aldo and spotted a mary jane's heels that i wanted to get for a long time! 50% some more T.T too bad it's last pair, and the sales girl are evil again, she said she can give me another 10% due to some minor scratches on the heels! argh so tempting! but i told myself to control control control! leaving the shop with tears in heart again! proud of myself #2

no mood to shop already, the more i shop the more i wanted to get everything.. but i'm proud at myself i can control of spending so much on all the branded stuff! if i were at the last time i sure will buy it, at last regret why i spend so much and make myself so broke, suffer! ha ha.. actually not broke also, just that over my budgets!

oh and actually i wanted to get some new clothes for work in topshop, luckily didnt try it.. if not i sure regret again why i didnt get it.. proud of myself #3

went to pick up my mum after that, help her abit in her shop then went back home for dinner.. after dinner mum said wanted to goto aunty's place so i'm thinking of going to perodua showroom to have a look, dad tag along.. and guess what.. i've made my biggest purchase! for now la.. aiks.. so it's confirmed i'm getting myvi SE pearl white! yay! can get my new baby in 2 weeks time.. bah.. i've control for buying expensive and branded things in the afternoon, but at night i splurged even more! no eyes see! proud of myself #4 (this statement is to say that i'm proud to made decision in just less than 1 hour -.-")

aih.. luckily i haven go and apply for a new credit card, if not means more spending for me.. now i've to look into my monthly spending again, need to calculate again and again! why money gone so fast? wish that i'm in the rich family or i just marry a rich husband so i can get everything that i want!

oh no! i'm dreaming again! not even asleep yet.. aiks.. perhaps i just need to get more jobs for more money to spend! bah i need to stay in the house to avoid using money again!

interns in m3

2009-07-17T14:11:00.010+08:00

after been 3 months training in the company, it's time to bid farewell! my dear interns, ah kee and ah mi been helping me alot on the 3D jobs that i'm handelling, but still need to put alot of time and efforts to teach them the production things and also the working flow in an agency (it reminds me of my intern period in ewf, still keeping in touch with them!) way more to learn gals, and i hope you gals can scored in your finals! all the best!

both of them really likes to gossip alot in the office! sometimes can hear them just laughing non stop in the studio! at least they bring alot of fun in the office, not that stress during working hours! aww.. kinda miss them! pictures time! i edited them to some kind of pop art, more colorful and more cheerful! he he

the celebration

2009-07-14T12:26:00.003+08:00

backdated post for steve's birthday celebration

wasnt plan at the begining, cause the eden's members had watched the transformer on the 23th mid night show.. oh speaking of transformer, i was so lucky to book the tickets few days before it showed in cinema, and all halls & cinemas are fully booked, lucky me booked for tgv at pyramid, nice seats some more, in the center! so i thought i belanja-ed him for a movie since he broke up no longer ago (and he still damn sad right now, aiks) & for his birthday present, give him nice seat some more.. he sat in between 4 of us! okay back to the celebration, the next day after the movie, ice called fay and said to have a birthday dinner with steve, so since they've planned something i just followed la..

so we went to home town, the cafe behind eden, newly opened and they have promotion for free drinks (the day before i had dinner at the same place -.-") was so upset with their services and also cant stand on the menu design (professional sickness!) all meals being messed up and ended up some of us didnt get out drinks! very very mad! boikot it ady :p and at last i was the one who pay for the bill -.-" cause i complained and the guy talk all the nonsense just in front of me! i just pay the bill and went back to eden!

and the stupid waiter just place the cake on the floor not in the fridge.. aiks.. so we just decided back to eden and chill better! got aircond, nice music, nice seats some more! hmmp.. without wasting time we faster get the cake out, sang song, blow candle and cut cake.. then chit chat until the rest of the night, feels so good actually.. so that's wrapped up for the celebration!

okay pictures time (in random order)

as you can see i just drank a glass of ice water! some more waited for so long also!

that's the last celebration in eden! we've moved down.. guess it's the tradition to celebrate in eden for every eden's member huh.. but mine are not.. kakak.. soon you guys will see a brand new and more cozy side of eden!

next up crazy interns farewell post!

yay!

2009-07-13T15:10:00.002+08:00

revamp my blog! hah! actually not a big change also, just changing the header & the theme color.. he he.. recently obsessed with grey! now is my fav color after pink and yellow :p

and also i've changed the title of my blog, guess i'm not creative enough d.. ha ha.. cute little princess carmen sounds nicer don'tcha think? he he

*********

been so busy on eden lately, still under renovation, exactly the same situation as last year, but i predict this year will be more difficult(and more challenge) than last year, really need to start all over again, and i've made my choice to stay, for the time being, i dont want my heart to broke again! not that it mean so much to me (from the begining it's not my choice also!) but i can see there's something that i can have or hold on.. and i wonder why would i hafta stand so strong for? or what else i can believe besides miracles? hmm.. i would like to talk more about eden but i cant, it's everybody's business and truth to be tell i cant voice up! even though i voice up also no use, commitment getting weaker day by day.. seems like losing the trust! not their fault but is everyone's fault, i miss the time where we worked really hard for it, i mean last year.. but this year all seems to be tired and sick of the problems that keep on coming.. bah.. just let it be.. i've done my best and i know where's my limit, maybe i can just stop anytime if i wanted to, i dont want to blame on ppl who drag me in or what, being silly is part of growing up as well, and i've learned from that alot :)

sometimes i just cant recognize myself anymore, i've changed alot! dunno it's good or bad thing, but i assumed that's a good sign, and i know i'm very very lucky! cant ask for more ady.. dont be too greedy carmen!

till then!
i've pictures to post up, wait till next post la.. he he

big family dinner

2009-07-10T11:25:00.003+08:00

as promised, i blogged! hah!
this time with all the happy happy pictures!
lazy to caption, just enjoy!

btw this big family dinner is special for my uncle who honored as the title of Dato! congrats again!

showing off her brand new watch! oh did i blogged about i've splurged again for 2 fossil watches & 2 fossil leather belts? aiks.. i'm officially banned for shopping!

the brothers

beauty & the beast.. wakakkakakkaakakk :p

cousinssss

from the young generation to the ahpek (pls refer left to the right..lol)

aunty & shawn

another group shot again

and mum wanted to take photo with them also (seems like they're popular huh)

happy family 1

happy family 2

no need to bend down gua -.-"

lovely couple

and finally big family portrait! minus bro & big aunty :(

finally the 8 of us (bro missing again)

and with the other yonger cousins (i'm the 2nd eldest, old d.. aih)

one more shot before leaving

and this is the last, sis n bro (no eye see them, still got some vain pic but dont wan to put up to spoil my blog :p)

*******************
on the other notes:
happy birthday to hikiiiiii!

and this week i've took whole stretch half day leave (except mon), so later going off d! he he..
till then!

droppin'

2009-07-06T22:59:00.002+08:00

feel like dropping it!

no i'm not crazy or mad on anything, just felt that i'm over or exceed my limit, making myself hard to breathe and also for the time consuming..

time to update my emo blog again..

bah really stress la! need to start all over again! it's been a year.. i still remember exactly last year was the most difficult time for me, i got my job, and helping mum at the same time in her saloon, and also ex gone into serious accident.. some more eden just build up.. all happened in just 3 months! now i'm going through the situation again, the difference is i'm now not in the relationship anymore and mum ady hired workers, why am i still so stressed again ar? isit i'm really sick of everything? or i'm really tired on what i have now?? no money no career no relationship.. this is my situation now.. all being cramp up.. some more i hafta work so hard for nothing! really nothing! i dont see what i can get if i still continue to be like this, making me exhausted, time has been pulled up.. nothing i can get now! i know if i can wait i will have a backup or what or earn big money, but this is not all i want for!

seriously i need to think real hard this time and make a wise decision.. a year, 365 days i've been through all the hard time, worth for me? drop eden? or my job? it's seems now it's my daily routine and part of my life ady.. kinda wasted if i drop either 1 because of all the hard works that i'm putting in.. time flies! couldnt believe it!

i need to set my goal again~

upcoming plan:

1st up i'm getting a new car real soon (yea i know i've mentioned it like dinosaur yrs ago) guess i'm getting myvi se.. dad disagreed to let me have 2nd hand vios or city.. although it's almost the same price range.. so no choice la, stick back to the very 1st choice..

2nd i'm getting another new credit card, means spend more for me! hah.. i'm a card person and not a cash person.. so you wont find my purse got alot of cash, i can carry just RM1 for 3 days!

3rd need a new makeover! or i shall said i need diet badly, need to go for exercise ady, cant be lazy anymore! i'm fat now :( i wan back my balance and healthy body! drink more juice and eat more vegetables! sleep early also! everyday must sleep at least 7 or 8 hrs!

4th haven think of it yet.. hah! just hope for everything run smoothly in my life, at least for now, eden will be reopen by end of the month and i'm giving my best to help, work i ady spend all the sleepless night just to finish up all the jobs and i'm trying to attend every family dinner.. and i need to contact back all my old friends! been missing in action for awhile! also i'm giving more chances for myself to get a new bf! hahaah.. sounds like i've rejected many of the guys huh..

there's still alot of pending post.. wait till i got all the pics 1st and edit it and post up! haha!

time to sleep! nites!

so what can i ask for now? this is my life.

happy papa's day

2009-06-21T14:48:00.005+08:00

just wan to dedicate this post to my daddy who always supported me no matter how bad is the situation.. and also you've never angry or scolded me for my mistakes but u forgive me and try to fixed everything up for me..

i still remembered how you cheer me up after i told you i've broke up, the most memorable situation when you told me alot of things and advice me from the usual who didnt speak anything at all, just be cool all the while.. ha ha.. and from the beginning of eden you also told me alot of stuffs, teach me what to do, and for all the path and career that you let me to choose, not forcing me to do the things that i dont like (which usually most of the dad of my friends make the decision for them)

i know i'm still a small kid in your heart, every parents does the same, but you let me have green lights for all the things that i wanted to do (not like mummy who always mumble :p) and fetch me to anywhere i wanted to go, given me a sub credit card to use (i got pay back money ar, but now cancelled already since i've my own) take good care of my car and clean it/service for me and even pump petrol for me everytime (yea i know i'm useless and a noob car user) buying me the 1st hand phone, computer, compact camera, dslr camera, and for all the things that i requested he'll buy for me.. even now when i said i wanted to buy a new car he's offering me to pay for the down payment 1st but i refused.. i want to use my own money to get the things for myself.. i'll feel very guilty and shame if i still using my parents money when you have the ability to earn money.. i know i'm not from a rich family but my dad had given me all the best he can.. for all the things that you've done to be a good father, but too bad i'm not a good daughter, even live under the same roof we hardly see each other even chat with him..

seeing him this morning and on this special day makes me feel abit emo, when i chatted with him this morning he seems like he wanted to tell me something and yesterday he's been accompanied me at the mid night (very very rare situation! my dad sleeps at 9!) daddy is getting older already.. and now what can i do is to treat him good, not to trouble him and makes him worried about me..

just wanted to say thankyou so much for everything, i love you daddy!

ps: mum i love you too! dont get jealous ar! ha ha.. i know both of them wont read my blog but i just wanted to write down how i feel and i dont wan to disappointed them for the path that i've choose! now i've know how important is the family when u failed in your relationship, even your friendship and career!

and to all papa's out there, happy fathers' day!

inspiring tues

2009-06-16T16:47:00.008+08:00

photo credits to lookbook.nu

sometimes i wonder should i go and grab another course in fashion design since i'm kinda interested in it.. been very observed with fashion line long time ago and it kinda inspired me alot.. making me look so good and feel so good when u played dress up every time! he he

today my dear cousin been telling me alot of quotes.. from what i've wrote previously.. i'm changing and he's so happy about that! wonder why.. ha ha.. guess this is the progress of growing up and i'm not letting myself stuck in the situation anymore.. thanks for all your advice! (nah see i mentioned you in my blog.. keke :p)

such an inspiring day for me today!

emo again..

2009-06-15T00:13:00.003+08:00

phew.. what a weekend again! suddenly have the urge to blog right now.. although i'm now freaking tired and starving.. just got back from kl for an actual day wedding shooting and whole day didnt even have any food in tummy (well i only have bread and soya in the afternoon)

i dont know whether is it good to be busy like that? and time passed real fast, without a blink of eye there goes my weekend.. alot of stress and responsibility making me cant breathe.. i really need to get out from all kind of stress! sometimes i wonder(again) do i really work until so hard, and get what i really wanted in my life? my goal seems disappearing again.. i dont know where to head to.. while i'm driving back alone that time my mind flashed back alot of things.. i'm scared to be alone actually, alone in the battlefield.. like yesterday i was stuck in eden alone, heavy rain and thunder storm freaked me out! and i'm car less, downstairs was empty and i scared of strangers (that area kinda dangerous as there's always criminal happened) aiks.. and this morning also stuck in eden handle all the customers by myself.. when they're back from shooting i need to help to convert the files, and waited the mtv to be edited then send to the restaurant.. and in the mean time there's another appointment also need to be handled..

looking back what i've did for the past few weeks really scared me, i couldnt believe i've done so many things in just a short period and keep my self so damn busy.. and my emotions turning upside down.. that's why i've a very angry post before this, and now i'm still very disappointed.. for the things that i've done and no one appreciate it! (i've been mention it alot for not appreciating my work!) i dont know why am i so mad about it, maybe is my hard work and i've dump in so many times in it but it turned out not that what i've expected.. expectation really killing me! so now i wont expect much on all the things, just let them come naturally and make it more interesting and surprising (that's the only reason how i'm persuade myself)

when everything just happened in the same time i'm getting all crazy, feels like no one could understand me and somehow problems just couldnt be solved.. the most hurting scenario is when u betrayed by your best friend (again) and didnt even stand at your side.. i'm really disappointed on what she did to me again.. and when she knows everything cramp up she just stay far and let me take all the responsibility alone.. this is not what a best friend for.. i cant believe you'll betrayed me just for your own good and left me in suffer, you can just go and wipe your boss's shoe and secure your job and stop trying to be good with me and your boss.. dont be our middle person, dont tell me how your boss treated you to make me jealous and dont bull-shit when your boss get mad on you and you complained about it in front of me.. i dont want to get involved in this scene like last time..

and as a friend, i didnt give any comments on her relationship and predict what will happened or teach her anything to get his heart or what, and i'm hating it when she talk bad about my relationship and not being supportive, saying how bad the guy is as she gone through many cases like this (as she haven been in the serious relationship before) please la.. i'm not the first time who tripped in the relationship and dont teach me what to do and talk all the craps, you dont know how i felt and you dont understand me well, you scared when i'm in the relationship then i've no time for you? you're being so selfish! and dont ever tell me all the stories when you've made your choice but you regret at last.. and dont ever cry in front of me when i've been telling you many times on your choices.. and now you're trying to get back me and said i'm the best friend of you? you think who i'm? use already then dumped aside and now picking me up again to share everything with you? i've been letting you to do your way and did what you've demanded, one phone call i'm out to fetch you to anywhere although i'm very tired and busy and let you to rant out what you like, one word i'm accompany you to eat what you want to eat? do you ever asked my opinion? or stand at my situation and not just being a water fish to you! for all the things that you've done i didnt speak out anything or ignore you, and please dont being so clever to help me in my relationship and let me heart broken once again.. you should know how was my situation and i was regret to tell you every single thing after the incident.. i should keep it low profile like the very first beginning.. i know you shocked when you know what actually happened but thinking back you're not comforting me but is me who comforted you.. damn.. why am i so silly again to treat you as bff since you're only using me when you're out of mind to find someone else? i'm so stupid to tell you everything in my life and treated you as my sis.. i guess this time i cant be so soft heart anymore, i dont want to be fooled by your pity look and compared my life with yours.. i'm sorry to say that.. i've my own life and i'm controlling it! feel so sad and heart broken again!

i always telling myself to stand strong, but how strong can i stand? i'm really really scared to be alone to battle all by myself, i know my limit.. just that i couldnt imagine the stress and responsibility that i still need to take.. the weird part is i'm still thinking of him when i've some free time or when i slow down my works.. that's why i'm keeping myself busy not to think about it.. i know he has alot of problems but i just couldnt help, at least stay beside him and listen to him, well just dont have that moment anymore, like what i've been sharing with him last time i've converted to my blog post, that's why now more emo post again.. ke ke.. i just wish that he could overcome from all the problems.. aiks.. why am i still so care about him? i need to pull out myself wei! i'm still keeping all the smses and all the conversation, but as the time past i'm deleting one by one already, there's so many of it and it just happened in a month! aiks.. i really dont know how to react every time i saw him, i just pretend to be cool which i'm not!

things just come in a sudden without realising it.. and now the stress are making me fat! everyone been telling me what happened to me until become like this.. i dont know why i'll eat more when i stressed out.. i just couldnt control it.. dah la so many problems now my look also need to be concern.. aih.. i just want my life to be happy and joyful, i dont expect much! what i've earn is totally not worth for what i look now.. money is important but when i think about how i earned it's not worth at all.. i dont need to be rich neither, it's true to work for money but this is not what i wanted to work with this way.. urgh.. frustrated..

and i'm still believing there's always miracles! is just the time does matter.. i dont know what i'm hoping for but well, at least there's a fake hope for me to turns things better? finger crossed.. tomorrow is a brand new week again.. i'm predicting there's alot of things to be done by this week, hopefully i wont get crazy or get mad again.. if not i really dont know what i'll burst out then.. just hope for a better life for me.. and i dont mind people who willing to cheer me up.. ha ha..

ohya need to thanks chai for the accompany and the cheque and the ram! :) at least now feel better to think back i actually being so lucky when your friends turn up to you when you're down.. and thanks to fred who always be my driver :p and thanks for cheering me up in a very funny way.. thanks to fay and rick for not forcing me or rushing me to do all the stuffs.. thanks to my colleague also who has been helping me alot and let me to rant out.. thanks to mummy for being so supportive (yea she finally see through my hard work) waited for me every night just to see me get back home.. and i miss my dad, a week didnt saw him (living in the same roof okay) omg why am i thanking so many people? supposed to be very upset but thinking back these peoples cheer me up again!

alrite gonna go sleep now! eyes are closing.. nights!
cheer up carmen!

a letter to you

2009-06-11T13:30:00.004+08:00

to whom it may concern,

i dont even want to think about it how you wanted to apologize by buying me a lunch or what that can calm me down from my anger that caused from you. i'm not your slave or what so ever and i dont even wanted to be any part in it. the words already came out from your mouth and sorry doesn't mean anything. i dont even give a damn face on you or any harsh words, but please respect me and please stay out from my life.

and to the peoples, my patients are limited, do not ever exceed it and take it for granted, if not i cant promise what will happen next.

thank you.

your sincerely,

carmen

***********

i'm very bengkak right now, anyone have any ideas?

mum n friends was saying i've lack of sleeps and too much pressure.. which is true.. damn.. i need a healthy life! need to pulls off on coffee, alcohol and ciggy (the last 2 is the latest observation when i'm real down with damn lot stress, but it didnt worked neither)

fml!

love hate relationship

2009-06-09T23:52:00.005+08:00

something that i wanted to share, got it from an email, too lazy to forward to everyone (as i dont usually do this) ha ha.. all the emails i've read but keep in inbox :)

this is so so so true! i cant believe it.. every single words.. straight to my point.. phew! this love hate relationship thingy now are not important for me anymore, been hurt and the loved one hurt as well.. just let it be..

****************************************
ARIES MAN

He always let other people walk in front of him, but he will get there first. He is a very careful guy and small obstacles won't make him fall easily even he thinks life is a very serious matter. He is as romantic as any other Zodiac. He could look gentle, but inside he is as strong as steel. Once he determines to do something, he is serious about doing it well. He will keep any pressure or insult deep down inside without showing emotion. You will never see his emotion of burden or disappointment and always wonder what he thinks or feels. He will well keep his feeling.

You will never see a guy in this Zodiac involving in other people business.

He always concern with his own business. Sometimes he can be talkative, but he will never give anyone advice if he has not been asked. If you ask for advice, he will certainly give you one. He respects elderly and senior, so you will see he is the type who visits his parents steadily or often.

He is a slightly shy but also a stubborn person. He will find many ways to make you happy when you are with him, till you realize he is the important person for you. Once he is in the "Power Position", he will use his power gently. He is a good leader and "Gentleness" is one of his effective methods for exploiting his power. It is although he is borne to be a leader. He never hides his ambition, and he is a workaholic. he will not take any position that he has no control. He will work very hard to reach his goal and satisfaction.

Compliment from his boss or superior are never enough for him, he wants his deserved reward. His deep insecurity makes him reach and collecting valuable things and this you may think he is stingy. Actually he could easily spending money to buy things, traveling or pay for things that makes him happy and he think necessary for his need. He care what other people think of him and want to get good comments or compliments.

Outside he looks like stone and steel, but inside he is a fragile person. He will hide and cover up weak emotion and his sadness in order to maintain and keep up his "Image". One method of over up you could easily notice is suddenly if he is quiet, cold, or act very strong or very secure. Often, he feels insecure, even he is serious about his life and his own surrounding.

This is the men who never hurry to get marry, so hardly sit back and regret about his marriage later. If he gets marry, he need to be very certain and very sure. It will take a long time for such decision, so if you tell him that you are "breaking up", you better forget him for good because he will never coming back.

He always keeps his promise. If he said he will meet you in your place in 2 hours then he will be there, unless there is a serious accident or unavoidable things happen. He hates people who are late for date or any appointment.

He likes to think woman should be a follower and take care of family and working is a man duty. He does not like to compete with his girl friend or his wife at work because competition already exists with himself and other people. He will be very proud if he can afford and care for his family. Do not try to over power him or insult him, he can not stand it. He likes to be in control of every things, every situations. He like a "Classy Woman", if she also comes from a good family then it is a ‘Plus’. It will make him feel proud and very ego about her status. Flashy type of woman, forget it. He likes a perfect or a nearly perfect housewife. He tends to be possessive. He will not tell you if he is mad at you, but will act very moody to show you instead.

He likes to hear sweet word and compliment so you can get his interest that way. If he approaches you to ask you out, do not act too stubborn or fooling around too much. He will get tired and just disappear. He has to feel confident when he is around you, so knowing this fact you should know what to do, right!
If you want him, you have to make him feel like he is the most important person for you. He likes a kind hearted woman, polite and can get along with his family. When he feels sad, do not leave him alone, but be very supportive. Kind words and your smile will win him over, so this strong man will be like a chicken in your palm.

ARIES WOMAN

She thinks the world is watching her through the eye glasses of rose petal frame. She thinks people think and talk about her only about good things and often disappoint to know the fact that they are not true and not even real, so she will feel hurt. She thinks her path has to be a beautiful one. She thinks only good things so she prepares and always make arrangement for herself to be in the right path always, quite systematic indeed.

If there is no guy in her life, she will be busy with herself. This seemingly ordinary woman will push herself to meet her goal. Her face mostly will be slim and long, high cheek bone, Eye brow lightly curve up, slight tall more than short, thin lips and she will have quite a confusing or mixture of character.

Sometimes, she will be very careful about guy she will mingle with. She thinks as if she has a main CPU in her head and she could memorize everything from her childhood. When she faces with problems, she will handle them and solving them very well, and at the same time showing other people that she has that capability. She can put her mind in solving problems in crisis better than many other Zodiacs. Once she determines to do thing, nothing will stop her.

Woman in this Zodiac could be totally different from one woman to another woman. You could see her in the party dancing like flash dance or dirty dancing, as well you could also see her as an old fashion lady or a geek. She could be someone flashy and wanted by many men, or she could be a cold and non-social person. She will have her own way to win you over. Once she chooses you, she will need to be proud of you.

"Love" is not as important to her as "Marriage". Her real goal in life is "Safety" and her position in other people sight need to be "Secure". She plans her life, and socially life easily and very carefully. She is also very artistic and realistic, so if you are a ‘nobody’ or nothing, no chance because she loves ambition and a good life. She need lots of love, but does not want and do not belief in an occasional or unconventional love.

She is a proud in nature type, so if you see a woman in this Zodiac come from a poor family, she will act like a woman from a noble family by birth anyway (certainly there are always exception). She always looks cool even when she is not. She likes to make people see her as "secure and confident" even she is a mixed emotion and mixed character type. If she is mad, you can tell right away and she can stay moody for quite a long time.

You never have all her times, for she likes to work hard and also spent some spare times working for charity. You will see woman in this zodiac a "Volunteer" for camp, and if she is in a high society, she will most likely be a president or a V.P. of a "Club". She is a romantic and artistic, but being poor and unstable is certainly not in her dreams. Her beautiful imaginations need to be realistic, for failure is not in her plan.

A Goat always climb high, so either she start from a low point or a high point, she will make sure at the end she will have the best spot. She will not show her ambition, but she will show that she satisfy with herself now.

Once you look back she already moved up again, quietly but sure.
If she is your love one, be supportive and understand her. She is stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, but in fact she can stick you down like super glue without you knowing it.

TAURUS MAN

A quiet simple man who can do something unexpected to shock you. Taurus man mostly medium all, strong with good health, good strong body. When he talks, he likes to turn his head to one side on one direction. His body will be quite straight, facial structure tends to be square shape more than other shape. His eyes sparkle with liveliness.

Even when he is in love, he is still a free wild bird. He is a sand in your palm, the more you want to hold it, it will slip out. If you stand and hold it still, it will stay that way. Don't set the rules and draw a line for him, he will not stay.

When you are with him, he will think only of you. But an hour later he could change his mind. He is very patient with other people, but very impatient with himself. His world always turning and it will not stop just because he loves you. If he up sets, he will show it right away. If something has gone wrong, he will blame his own carelessness instead of blaming other people.

He sincere to his friends even to some friends he does not like. He likes to do odd things and surprise other people. He could be fully dress in a nice suit and jump in the pool. He could slap your back so hard just to make you turn around to see he has flowers in his hand. He never want to get too close with anyone for he thinks living in reality is living by yourself.

He does not care what people think when he behaves weird. He could be walking bare feet and laughing at people who laugh at him and think they are so narrow minded. He does not like to follow conformity, but always want to search for new ventures, new mystery. He will interest in a life of a millionaire as much as a life of an old man selling newspaper on a sidewalk vendor.

He likes to search and analyze people and things. He will analyze his friends or his girl friend, and once the mystery is gone, he will search for new puzzle to solve. He can not easily understand thing, so he will gradually learning about you till he fills up all his questions.

He knows so many people, but he has a few friends. He looks for quality friends than quantity friends. He will be close with some friends shortly and move on. He always feel lonely even surround by many people. He could create his own little world, and sometimes no one would understand him. He looks only for future and he thinks he lives for the future. He may wonder how many people think like he does, but he does not want to be like the others.

Man with a conflict personality. He is a cool, understanding, able to work well, and very artistic. Taurus man could be an artist. He could shock you as much as he is able to clam you down when you up set. He is a free spirit who likes venture, but when he wants to be alone, do not touch him but to let him be. He won't disappear from the crowds too long, he will be back.

He will give you straight forward opinion or comments, but will never advice what he thinks you should do. He does not like people to tell him what he should do too. He thinks each individual dreams and thoughts should be very private. He will use his brain not his body strength, so he will let other guys compete. He has a certain satisfactory in life and hate to force himself in competition. He may seem careless, but actually he is a thinker and a stubborn one.

He sees anything in details and not easily trusted people till he thinks he knows them well. You can just smile and he will think why and what are you smiling about, and if you are pretending. Once he trust you and accept you as a friend, no one can says other wise to change that for he will not listen to gossip. He will be honest and sincere to his friends.

He hates lies, so he will not tell you lie. If he finds it is necessary to lie, he will find other ways not to tell you or avoid telling you anything.

If he really has to lie, you will never be able to tell that he is lying. He can really keep secrets, so you will hardly know that he is a lonely soul.

If you want this kind of guy, you have to be an interesting person. He has to be curious about you. Hell for him is "No Freedom", so if he marries you then you should know it is the biggest decision in his life. Always be interesting, then you could have him beside you.d her. She is stubborn, but she will listen. She will act like a gentle fragile person, but in fact she can stick you down like super glue without you knowing it.

TAURUS WOMAN

A slim moderately tall woman. Taurus woman is funny and a jolly person. Square facial bone structure, high cheek bone. Her round big eyes sparkle with wit and curiosity. You will not see many round faces Taurus women, and mainly she will have a strong jaw line.

She is a constantly change person. If she up sets, she will not show it and will keep it to herself for a long time, and will remember them so well. If she gets really mad at you, you will suddenly become a totally and completely stranger to her.

She is a patient person, but always need new excitement. She hates long talk meeting, long and endless conversation. She can be in love with you today, and one day she could act as if she has never loved you before. She has patient with what she wants to do and will never give up until she gets there. She will be very persistent in what she is doing till she has reasons for stopping her project, then she will quit.

Money for Taurus woman is not the most important factor in life. She thinks of money as an instrument for assuring of a good living. She has more satisfaction in achieving her goals more than satisfaction in fine cloths and luxuries. If you like a woman who always thinks of love and romance, then you are dating the wrong girl. You can not tell her to stay at home, she likes to work and preferred not work at home.

She loves animals and likes to surround by animals. Love is in her head, but Freedom is in her soul. She has her own idea about love and afraid to show her true feeling for fear of rejection. She is not the type to talk about love, but she sure has a strange way to show it. She is not good in showing when she is in love, but if she loves you she will be honest to you than any other women.

She will be honest to her love one, but at the same time seems distant. You will have a good relationship with her, if you allow her freedom. Do not force her to be with you in a poker game which she hates, but let she goes out swinging with her friends if she wants to. She will be different than other girls, and she thinks different is one of her unique quality. She is a public figure but belongs to no one. She will not stay with you, if she thinks you are not sincere. She likes you to have personality, but better not to compete with her. Loves her but not too much for, she afraid it will limit her freedom.

She always stand out of the crowd for something she dares to do. You could see her dress like a poor farmer dinning in the fancy restaurant, or dress like a nun in an a cocktail dress party. If you are a politician who is looking for a wife, she will make a good one because she is cleverly smart and she could get along socially with any type of crowds.

She is not a jealous type because she has to know you thoroughly before accepting you in her life. She has more curiosity in life than wondering if right now you are flirting with someone else. If you keep a distant from her, or go away for a few days, she will miss you more. Even when she is dating you, she also able to fond of someone else, if you do not have something she is looking for. She will never disappoint you or hide behind your back to make you loose face, but she is the type who just going to tell you to your face that " We're better off breaking up".

She always remember her first love. Taurus woman holds the best record for divorce for she does not care about how people think of her, but every thing should be done for "Happiness".

She has lots of friends and sure of herself, so you will hardly see she delays any of her thoughts before her action. If she thinks of something, she will go ahead and does it. She has many men wanting her for her constant changes is the challenge. She can be cute and funny, but suddenly cool and tough. She has her own style of dressing up, so you could see her dress like an old mate today, and tomorrow she may dress like she comes from Mars. She will have that interesting hair, dress and a look unique from anyone else.

She likes to learn about your dreams and your thought. She has fun teasing you and making jokes. If she did something wrong, she won't hide it from you, but do not ask when she is not in the mood to talk about it. She hates to owe people money and take promise seriously. If you promise to pay her back, you'd better paid up.

If you want to make it with Taurus woman, then do not be jealous or possessive, do not be narrow minded, do not criticize about nonsense or small and insignificant matters. Try to likes her friends and let she has her privacy, then she can be very sweet to you.

PISCES MAN

He is very emotional and always allows himself to be very emotional. He can have a good night sleep and be in a good mood, and less than few hours at work he can be very moody. He does not understand things or try to understand things easily. If you notice him carefully, you will notice what kind of moods he is in.

He is a thinker and able to do well at work and always succeed. His normal gestures mean he always look at other people faults, but he will not talk about it. He has the ability to know your thought and able to tell you what you are thinking about.

He can mostly memorize all his anger, his loves. They are his important secrets and he will keep them to himself and will never let you know. He is not a very ambition man and careless about his position in society. Wealth does not drawn his attention, because he is not greedy man and as well he thinks money is not something that will last. He could be very careless about his future. He does not like to fight against all odds, but instead following the stream and make life easier. Sometimes because he likes to take an easy path, which cause him very unsteady future.

He is kind and slightly lazy, but it is his cute character. He hates rules and regulations. He will never look down on people. He is a polite guy and can be very aggressive when he is mad. He loves to think that he lives in a beautiful world and surround by nice people, so if he finds his world is cruel and not what he expects, he will live in his world instead.

His other charm is that he is a funny guy, and it is his real weapon. He can tease you and yet make it looks like one of his joke. Even when he is sad, he still has that funny face, so you could hardly tell if he is mad or depress. He likes to hide his feeling and help other people especially those who need friend or lonely.

He will be everything that you want and everything you do not want. He has a chance to make it as much as a chance to fail. He can determine to make it work and can do it well, except he tends to lost his energy with other important things, that's how he miss many of his good opportunity.

He can be happy and content by himself. What he think is important is not "Love", but firm status and stability. He has plenty of love for you.

He is a good speaker, as much as he is a good listener. When he is with you, he wants to be happy. He understands his partner's emotional. He likes to take a long rest and sometimes being alone. If he needs to be alone, try not to disturb him.

He is a sensitive, quiet, shy and easily hurt. He wants to feel worthy. He can be mad and noisy, but once he calm down, he will be that happy person again. He is not a jealous or possessive guy, and if he feels jealous he will hide it. He has many friends of both sex, and he care about his friends. He likes to have lots of friends, so you can not get jealous or else you will loose him. He likes beautiful things, so if a pretty woman walks by he will look, so do not get mad at him knowing this fact.
When he is lonely or feeling sad, be close to comfort him. He does not like to take advice, so if you want him to listen or to follow your advice, you have to act as a good sample for him first. He likes a cheery and a smart woman. If you treat him like he is your special person, then he will be that special person for you. He will trust you if he is in love, but try not to over doing it and spoil him too much. You have to know yourself worth all the time too.

PISCES WOMAN

She likes to be in a dream world than to be in reality. She is weak and sensitive when it's come to "Love". She can cry if her best friend is breaking up, and she can be over excited when her friend gets a new boy friend who is a good looking and rich even it is nothing concerned her at all. You might be surprise to see that she is shy just because she is in love. More or less it will be in Pisces woman. She loves small animal and gifted in training animals.

She has sixth senses and she can guess what will happen next, it's her nature. Even she has a good sixth senses, she can not pick or foreseen her own choice of lover. She can not tell if she meet a sincere guy or a one night stand guy.

She likes to buy and pick her own cloths. She likes to dress cute and be cute. Pisces woman tend to be a good looking woman and she has a nice skin.

Her hands and feet are small and soft. Pisces woman loves to shop for shoes as if she collects them. She is a hot lady that everyone wants her.
Whether she has a man in her life or not, she will never try to overpower any man. It's not even in her thought.

She thinks man can handle things better, and she will make her man feel that way. She is an easy going person, so being with her is easy. She is a confident woman and likes to make people who stay with her happy. She knows how to please and how to comfort a man. If something is wrong, she will try to make other people belief that it's must be because of someone else, not because of her love one. She will not push her man to be ambition but to make him feel like he should be happy with the way he is now. She is happy with you for what you are now.

A Pisces woman, if she has a bad childhood, she will always remember it and it will make her a very unhappy person. She will pity herself and feel sorry for herself. She tends to hurt herself with out knowing it and so vulnerable to drugs (real drugs or just sleeping pills). She has many choices and you can never tell which path she going to take. If you love her, then hold her tight because she never knows why she did what she did or what she will do next.

A complex character, you may think she is a shy innocent type and can not hurt anyone, then you are wrong. You might think she is a fragile person who needs protection, wrong again. She has been through a lot, a tough cookie. She is a dreamer and loves the word "Love", so she is the type who will buy gift for anyone for any occasion, especially if it is a gift for wedding or an anniversary even for someone who she does not know so well.

Be very careful if fall in love with Pisces woman. She can be a total different person before and after. She can be an angel before and later a witch, but everyone is not perfect, right? She will be soft and gentle most of the time, so not to worry. She is emotional and extremely sensitive when she frequently got hurt. She is the type who can cry her heart out.

She can have a secret fear inside, when she says she does not need anyone. She badly needs someone to protect her, but sometimes she can hide that feeling by being stubborn. She likes to hide her shyness and her weakness from her enemy. She does not like to follow any fixed rules. She can be a good housewife if you know how to handle her.
Many men will ask to marry her because she is a 100% woman. If she wants to be sweet, she is a real angel.

AQUARIUS MAN

Hot-hearted man who likes to do thing his way. He can suddenly decide to do something without thinking of it's outcome. He is the type of guy with an inside energizer, so if you fall in love with this type of guy be "patient", even if you have to follow him a bit. His creative mind could create fantastic idea any time. If you do not understand or can not follow him, you won't be with him for long.

A man in this Zodiac will less likely to have a pale skin, and if he has a scar, it would be on his face or on his head. He moves very fast and very energetic, and he has a very self confident in himself. He is not the type
to sit down and feel sorry or regret anything for long, especially with "Love". He loves justice. He dares to show his opinion or even argue about certain subject even he knows it might bring him problems. A straight forward type of guy.

He hardly lies except if he think it is necessary and he is not a good liar anyway. He will not lie to you about serious matter, but if he lie he will lie only a small little thing. He is gifted with the ability to be a very social person. He could talk even about subject that he has no knowledge of. He interests only at the present time and look at the world positively. Many times he feels hurt because of reality, but he will not run away and he will overcome that difficulty.

Even he is a high and self confident type and center his own thought as a main focus, but at the same time he is a kind, cute and polite guy. He certainly is not a mean person. He likes to help people who are in troubles even he is not asked to. He is the type who feels sorry if you remember bad things he said to you that he had already forgotten, but you did not. Belief him that he is very sorry and give him another chance.

Once he decides to do something, he will put all his mind and energy in it either in his "Work", or "Love". He is the type who gambles anything in the casino, so do not even take him there. He does not like pessimistic, low energy, and depress person, especially no brain. Strangely he likes to overpower this type of people to assure that he is more superior.

He like to be the first person to do something. You can see sparkling in his eyes, once he meet a new target or new lover. Once he is in love, he will act as if he never has love like this before. This minute he could be real sugar sweet, and later he could also be an icy cold, but do not blame him for that will only chase him away. He could fall in love again with another girl and act again like he never has this kind of love before. He could really love someone, but not a heart broken type for he thinks love is "excitement" and "Love goes on".

If you date this kind of guy, do not or avoid showing your face to him with face pack, face mask, always be presentable, nice and cute. If he is quiet not because he is shy, but he is only quietly thinking. If you have a chance to ask his X-girlfriend, she will tell you that he is not a shy or quiet type. If he is really and truly in love with you, he will never lie to you at all. How do you know if he loves you, bet on your faith! Love him and treat him steadily and do not try to find anything to argue with him, he will be with you for sure.

If you are his lover or girlfriend and need to tell him something, go and say it out loud and straight forward because he hate long boring story. He hates to play games, chasing for love or being chased, so let him call you first. He likes a confident woman who also a good follower. If he gets mad at you, let him be for only a short time he will be normal again. You have to like and be able to get along with his friends, but he does not have to do so with all your friends.

Don't ever think you could make him jealous by flirting with other man, he will just leave instead of making a scene because he is a confident man and has to be the first in everything.

AQUARIUS WOMAN

If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.

Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader, a real confident type.

She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.

She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She likes to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dares to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.

Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone, she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".

She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage, her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.

She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.

She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad, be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.

You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.

She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.

If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

CAPRICORN MAN

A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it.

He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes' color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.

His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.

Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.

It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made is already "Sure" and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.

He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.

He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won't allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.

He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.

Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.

She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.

She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and its scent. She loves a guy who wears after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your Jean one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don't have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.

She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.

She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.

She does not like a dreamer who talks about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don't bother to tell her "everyone is doing it, you should do it too", or "I think you should do it, it's good for you", because she will do what she wants to do only.

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her, try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.

She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappoint. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in "Luck".

If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be please. She is a 3 in 1 means, a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say "happily ever after".

GEMINI MAN

A man in this Zodiac has a thin long and proportional face. He has a high forehead and very clever. He looks like he cannot stand or sit still, a very fast person. His nose is just right in size, thin lips, talk fast and very talkative. He can think faster than he talks, but once he start talking, he will talk non stop as if god has gifted him with that special talk machine mouth. He likes to cut his hair short and he is very athletic.

He is a tall, slim and every movement of his is "Fast" or nearly call "Hyperactive".

He has a long finger and always tapping on table or moving his finger as if he is trying to grab something. He is the type, who will write or scribble on paper, he never stay still. His hair always well comb or neat. He will spend a long time to comb his hair. He will keep his manicure and pedicure clean.

He is a well dress and clean guy, so if you like cleanliness, you will love him. He will keep all his cloth in big closet, and never throw away even shirts he never wear any more, but yet he still keep buying new cloths and make sure he is in style. He knows how to dress well even with a low budget. He gets bored easily with his favorite cloths, cologne. He is very picky, so soap and his cologne even have to be in the same trend or same scent.

If you date this kind of guy, you might think you are dating 2 guys, you will have to guess his feeling and emotion. Is he doing thing because it is a duty, or is it because he wants to?

He changes his mind as fast as he changes a new pairs of shoes. He can pick up a book and roughly read through and understand its contents, so if you see a Gemini man who reads the whole book, then he must be influenced by other Zodiac.

He hates to set fix schedule, and dislike a boring same routine job. He could hardly be on time, and can only keep time if it is complete important and necessary. He does not come late because he forgets, but because he always find other attractions along the way. He likes to act opposite to what he wants to do. He is a very good speaker and makes a very good politician. He can easily persuade other people and well presented himself in public, a real charmer. If he is a writer, he will write the best seller.

He always searches for truth and constantly study himself. He never satisfies about his fame, his reputation or money, because he thinks he deserved more. He will keep searching even he is not sure what is his ultimate satisfaction.

Woman in love normally wants to feel secure and stable, but if you fall in love with this guy be prepare to be alone. He will come to see you when he feels like it. He won't even know how he spent his days everyday, so adjust yourself if you love him.

Dating him is like dating 2 guys, so today he can tell you how much he loves you, but tomorrow he might call you to cancel your date. When he upsets, he could tell you he hate your dress, even it is the same dress he used to tell you make you look very sexy. Do not ask him why he is that's way for he won't have any explanations too. When he is back to normal mood, he will take you out again and forget what just happened.

You can not expect him to be the same person now, and forever. His changes will depend on you, for better or for worst. If you like to take risk and dare for challenges, you will get along with him fine. He keeps his emotional secretly as if hiding it, so you will not be able to see if he crazy in love with you, or does not give a damn at all, but be calm and patient.

He will never leave you if he thinks you are a puzzle, then he will spent times solving this puzzle.

GEMINI WOMAN

A good looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel like dating many women at the same time. You can not tie her down with the word "Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many different characters.

She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She eager to learn something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection. Even when she likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and inspect your bad side at the same time, because it is in her nature.

She able to keep all kinds of mixed emotions without annoying you or letting you know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her conversation will not bore you. She will able to talk to you in any subjects. She can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand alone, she can stand alone firmly a comfortably.

She can be your best buddy and talk to you about anything. She can join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick wit person and learns new things very fast. She can see your projects and she can give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman.

She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple changes and many moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for 2 minutes and later suddenly quiet. She wants to find only 1 true love and she wants to meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boyfriend.

She can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you break up with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor, so her love life can be complex or a mess.

She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows what she belief today can be different tomorrow.

She could communication with more than 1 language, a real gifted linguistic. If she wants to tell you any bad comments, she won't say it straight away, but she will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject without offending you. Normally she will not lie.

She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feel content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have more. Don't ask her what is her ultimate contentment for she will not have an answer.
Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always be beside you. She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone walk side by side with her, together and equally.

CANCER MAN

The most sensitive man and the weakest emotional type in all Zodiac. Most Artists are Cancer. Cancer is controlled by the "Moon" and the moon change it's shape daily, so Cancer man's emotional and moods change all the time too. You will confuse with him and yet it is his constantly changes that "Charm" you. He never go to get what he wants directly, but he will wait for a chance and opportunity to do so. Once he gets what he wants, he will not loose it, except if he gets tired of it by himself.

The most sensitive man who can not stand rejection. He cares what other people feel or think of him. He hates loosing face and he tends to over protected himself, so sometimes people might think he is a cold person.

Gifted, creative, imaginative, is Cancer. A mystery and complexity play a major role in a life of a Cancer man. He could be very funny, very quiet, and suddenly very sad. Living with him could be very unexpected, for you will not know what is his next mood. If you like excitement and surprise, you have the right guy and never have a chance to get bored.

He thinks of his home as "nest" and it is the safest place for him. If he feels hurt or depress he will stay at home alone quietly. Once he feels better, he will come out of his retreat and lives normally again. Being a looser is not him.

It is so easy to fall in love with this guy because he is gentle and a very polite guy. His wit and creative mind could win your affection. He will come out from his nest to protect you even if he is not opening himself up to other people much. Not many people will win his heart. His security is only when he has money in his pocket. Once he feels secure then he might think of having a happy family. Even he likes to make and keep money, he is not stingy. Spending money is part of his good image, so he will be happy to spent money to take you out to a very expensive restaurant or buy jewelry for you. Certainly when he has money OK.

He is possessive to everything's that he thinks belong to him. Don't try to talk to another cute guy in front of him, he will get suspicion because he is not very secure or confident in himself for this kind of competition.

Once you know each other too much, he will start to look for new excitement, but not to worry for he will always think of you. If he thinks you are the true love for him, and you try once to disappear. You will be sure he will come and look for you.

He is a shy guy, but if he likes you. You can get up in the morning and see that he is in front of your house everyday till you go out with him, a very persistent guy.

He likes a secure, cheerful and lively woman, confident but at the same time always act proper and appropriate. He likes a secure woman, but able to adjust to his rapid changes. A very difficult type to find woman indeed.

In the beginning, you and him will be so sugary sweet together and he will only think of you. This so "super romantic" will not last forever, so don't slip this chance. If you are the one who want his interest, then act and make yourself interesting. Be a supportive person and give him compliment sometimes, but not too much till he thinks you are not sincere.

Unlike many other Zodiacs, if he is mad then you better get out of that room. He will calm down by himself. Giving him a slight touch on his shoulders or concerned facial _expression are enough. He loves his mother, so try to be his mother favorite, but do not act like his mother!

CANCER WOMAN

When she is in love, she will act both ways. First, Shy and polite trembling to be near you. Second, Attach to you like glue and trying to be with you all the times. She will try to go home with you after work, or have every lunch with you. It is O.K. if you like her too, but if is not the case, you will feel very uncomfortable.

She hates to be talked about or gossiped by someone else. If she knows she will be very hurt. In nature she is a shy type, except she has been influenced by some other Zodiac. She is not a brave or daring type, so if you like her then you better be the one who start first. She will not accept her true feeling, so if you like her you better tell her first.

She is like a musical note always changes in tunes, so one minute she can be funny and cheerful, and one minute she can be sad and depress. Other people may think of her as "Over-acting", or "Over-reacting".

When she is depress, she will go out and look for things to make it up. She loves money, and thinks of having "Money" as "happy", not as "God". She will not look down at you if you do not have a lot of money, but she will help you make money, save money. She is not an extravagant person and sometimes will tell you not to buy her expensive and not useful gift.

She is the type who enjoys a long and quiet walk. Cancer woman also influenced by the "moon", so under the moon light she will be fascinating woman.

She has a constant fear for many things. She fear of not being smart enough, not pretty enough. Even if she is not fat, she will not be satisfied. Assuring her of her look would help, because she can change mood 4 times a day.

She is not stingy, but you will not surprise if you see she collecting old or broken junks. She sees that everything are useful to her. She will find a way to re-use it again some day. She is not a jealous type, but possessive.

The best part of her is that she will sacrifice everything for her love one with no limit. Don't leave her in times of troubles, she will never forget it. She is not a weak type, even she looks like one, Example if you argue with her, she might cry her heart out. Once you left, she will wipe her tears and start clean up her apartment normally.

She is a very careful mother and will look after her kids every step of the way. If she is a mother of your children, you are at ease, but if she is your mother in law, you are in pain. Not to worry, this type of mother in law will not let her own daughter being an "Old mate".

She could be moody and argue with you in many little things like many women, but she always wait and want to take care of you. If you argue with her and disappear a few days, she will be waiting for you, but not for long O.K. This kind of testing is risky, try not to do it.

The Cancer woman needs 2 things to be happy which are "Work" and "Love". She can live in a dusty house, but she cannot live in that same house with no Love.

LEO MAN

He likes to comb his hair backward, open his forehead showing a dignify facial _expression. His eyes are sparkle, but slightly showing laziness. He walks firmly and slowly like a lion, confident and ego proud. Outside, you may think he is kind and gentle person, but inside he is a strong and
Secure person. If he is frightened, he will re-act and respond right away. His words always seem normal but mostly imply "order and demanding". He will not talk fast, or can not talk fast, neither walk fast. In a crowd or at work he will act normally, but not for long you will see him standing out of the crowd and be a center of attention with his words, or his action.

You might think he is a shy guy, but deep down inside he wants to power over his family and his friends. He just waits for that right moment. Do not take what is his, and do not order him, or else you will see a fierce lion. He respects elderly and senior, but will never bow down and accept like a looser for he will rather die than loose his dignity.

He talks bluntly even on an occasion that he should not say such thing. He is a compassionate guy and always look at other people on a bright side. He likes people to listen to him. Even he has such a blunt and bold personality, he could easily reach his goal without making any enemy.

Once disagree with him on something, he can be very up set like a rainy storm on a summer day. It will only last a short time, then he will be back a cheery merry person again. He is a bright and witty guy, and he will not put any efforts on something that he thinks it will not work and waste his energy. He is a good planner and can well manage his job assigned. When he gives order, he expects them to be carry out exactly. He is the leader type that the followers love.

He can give other people advice and solve problems for other people well, except his own mess. He can be easily hurt by other people especially if you do not trust or respect his ability. You could compliment him sometimes and make this lion be your kitty with no difficulty. He is not a good judge for he listen to many people and tend to belief all sides.

You can hardly see a Leo man with no woman by his side. If you see him alone, he could already have a love one in his heart, or just broken up with one. Because he is very proud, he can change many girl friends. He will do many things for the woman he loves, but loosing his face is not one of them. Leo man can not live without love, because for him Love is a ray of Light.

He likes people to rely on him, it's make him feels "in power". He may complaint if he is asked for favor, but deep inside he is happy that you asked him. If you offer to help him, he will refuse you right away.

When he is broke , he can find money still. He is not careful with his way of spending for he has fun with spending money and happy to buy what he likes. He lets other people borrow money from him easily even if he has no money, he will run to his friend to borrow money for you. He likes first class , first quality of everything.

He can work hard like a mad dog, and sometimes can be lazy like a lazy sleepy cat. When he works, he is very serious. When he parties, he can be a party animal. If he ask you out, you will sure have a fun and jolly time.

He will take chance with his love life, so if you know how to handle him, you will win. If he is your love one, it won't be a romance novel. You have to be ready to calm him down when he over reacts to small matters because your cool stability will control and ease his mood. If you can not handle or understand him, your relationship will be like a demolition zone, a on and off relationship till all your friends tired to hear about your breaking up and making up.

Beauty is always in the eyes of the lion. You have to be dignify to walk with the lion king. Your looks are part of his image and ego and he is very proud about it too. If you want his attention the first time you meet, you better be astounding attractive. If you have a first conversation with him, you have to show him how much you adore his thinking. He likes to talk and not knowing that he likes to talk about himself.

LEO WOMAN

She will stand out of the crowd on the street. Leo woman normally tall or rather tall. You will hardly see a short thick woman. When she walks she walk like a queen, confident and does not look around, though as if there is no one around her.

She will dress in her own style not according to fashion. She is confident of what she choose to wear. Do not buy cheap cloths where they sell in dozen for her as a gift, she will hate it. Also do not buy cloths that do not reflect her confident personality. She likes unique and strange cloths and accessories. Being different is what she loves.

If you want to know her, take times and be patient because she is selective about people she mingles with. She's open minded, but yet she is not letting people get to close to her easily. She likes sweet words and compliments, but not too much.

She smiles with anyone, but inside she thinks she is borne to be a leader. She likes to be in control because it is in her nature instinct. She is a graceful woman, and she has a magnetic charisma, so expect tough competition.

She is a very proud person, so do not do anything to challenge her confident. She can be mad and act like a hurricane, and later can be like an innocent kitten, but do not fall for her O.K. She remembers everything and likes to cherish her sweet memory, so if you find her old photo albums
With her ex-boyfriend or love letters that will make you puke, take it easy. She is keeping her sweet memory does not mean she still in love with the old fool, so you do not have to panic.

She will have many guys run after her, so if you have advantage of a good background family, or a famous last name, a successful career then it's a plus. She hates to be poor and she thinks love will not pay bills.

She is a sport type and love sports. If you want to date her, prepare to spend big bugs, for your first dinner with her can not be a hot dog stand, but better be the best place in town. She is a generous person, so do not be surprise if she give you a gift more expensive than what you gave her. She likes extravaganza, no cheap gift, no cheap dinner please. Being poor or broke make her depress. If you do not have lots of money, be creative and make your own gift for her. It's unique quality and times spending making it for her is a big deal. You can think economical, but do not be cheap.

VIRGO MAN

Time is precious for Virgo man and if you make him wait, he will consider that as an insult. He hates to hear criticism and hates to be criticized. If he is criticizing other people, then he must be influenced by other Zodiac.

He is and he likes to be a perfectionist. He always think he is doing the right and appropriate thing and often he thinks he makes no mistake. He is a bright guy and could accept comments if he thinks it can improve himself.

He is the type who well adjusted to make changes.

He will spent money carefully and spent it worthwhile. He will only extravagant for his personnel pleasure only. He is quite romantic, a type of guy who can drive 100 miles just to tell you how much he misses you. If he does not care about you, he will not even spent a dime to call you locally.

Long distant special low rate call is also out of the question. He hates rough and crude people. His woman has to be clean and dress well. He inspects any thing in details besides being a perfectionist, so you could be lying in your bikini with a perfect figure and he can suddenly comments you about your big feet. If you gain 2 pounds, he may comments you are getting too fat. Before going out with this kind of guy, look at yourself head to toe in the mirror and ask yourself if you are really and entirely ready. Unless he dates a model, then he will have less comment.

He is neat and tidy, so his life always in a schedule, a fix time to lunch, the same time to go home. He is well knowledge about food and conscious about nutrition, so you won't see this guy eating a junk food, or strange and exotic food for sure.

You will see him in social events or party if only necessary. He is gifted with acting, so if he says he can not go out with you because he is sick, then you will belief him. He is a hard to please when it comes to what to eat, how to work, what kind of a woman to date. He always neat and tidy all the times, even if he is in the army, he will be the cleanest soldier in the camp. He likes to speak properly with no slang. He hates laziness and lazy people. He always act like a boring mature adults, but getting to know him, you will know he has his own charm.

He always sees things clearly, so he is not the type to be blinded by love. He is a kind and cool guy, but if constantly irritate with rudeness, ignorant, or stupidity then he will show you that he is annoyed. You may see a guy in this Zodiac dress up in an old shirt and old Jean, but if you
Look carefully, you will see that his hair is neat and unconsciously he will touch his hair a lot. His desk is always neat and if he sees small scrap paper on the floor, he will pick it up or put it in the basket.

People may think he is selfish, because when he says "No", he really means it. Any favor asked, he will help but always in his own limit. The more he see faults in others, the less he wants people to see his. If you want him to change his faults, try to tell him gently or he could take it as an insult.

He wants love that comes with quality, so he only has a few loves in his life. Woman's trick will not work with him. If he breaks up with a woman, he will also try to avoid all her friends and her environments too. He is very picky and every breaking up, he will be double careful next time.

He can sweep woman with his charm, but he likes to keep his relationship like a friend. He likes a sincere self confident woman, neat and clean, perfect and tidy. A real two "P", picky and perfectionist Zodiac.

VIRGO WOMAN

She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see Virgo woman walks fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection. She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily despairs with obstacles. She likes smart guy who will be compatible with her, so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expects respect from her love one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she will always keep a certain distant. Act proper and appropriate is her discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrase. She likes a gentleman who opens the doors for her. She wants to feel protected and when a man taking care of her, she will feel like a complete woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She can really keep secret, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you could see she is seriously picking soap which match and most suit her skin.

Do not comment her on this very picky habits, it is her happiness in working full times as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angle for sometimes she can be as tough as steel. Even she easily despair, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy type, so making speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she walks and talks confidently.

She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. If you have a date with her, you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress, and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can.

LIBRA MAN

A man who has no balance like his Zodiac symbol. He is not the gentle, cool, calm and charming guy like what you see. He has another dark side of aggression, stubborn and he likes to start an argument the most. Sometimes he can be so depress and unstable. Up and down like he is trying to balance himself most of the time.

To many people, he is a friendly guy and always smile even when he is mad or upset. His voice always gentle and calm. he always set and comb his hair as if he comes out from a shampoo advertisement. Mostly Libra men are good looking, even the ugly one is charming. When he smiles, it is so bright that the whole world is smiling with him too.

When he is in a balance mood, he is the type of person you want to be with.

In other unbalancing mood, he likes to make people argue about something and watching it with fascination and fun. He will wait to be the one who compromise and clear thing up. He likes to be in a conflicting conversation.

Libra man is lazy by nature. After his tired day at work, he likes to sit still and just look out of the window or read quietly. He likes to be in his own world. After recharging his battery, he will be very energetic again and may even take you out that night.

Libra man normally will not do any shocking or abnormal things to be noticed. He likes to be conformed with his crowd, but if you watch him carefully, you will see the different. If he wears a shirt, it will have to be a zipper front instead of buttons, or a special tie bar. There is always something in him that he will not allow totally conformity to take him over.

A straight forward, no non-sense guy. He is careful and delicate in details. He will spent extra time to doing it right, than comes back to correct them later. He hates people who boost, or exaggerate. He does not like over dressed woman or make herself a center of an attention.

He loves to read. He loves poems and loves art. When he works he can work like crazy, but after work he can turn on romantic jazzy music and treat you so gently. He loves to give people advice and normally give a good advice. If you fall for him, you will stay like being trapped in a spider web. If you want to break up with him, he will persuade you a zillion ways to stay and you can not stop him anyway. After he persuades you to stay, or after a big fight, he will be so sweet to you as if he has never hurt your feeling before ever.

He will have his own way to win a girl love and affection. Once she says yes, he will lay back and wonder if he should go on or if he should back out. In his teen, he changed many girl friends because he can not clearly separate loving a friend and loving a girl friend. He will check and re-cheek if his match is suitable and compatible with him.

Even he is a romantic man, he can hardly understand the emotion of the one he loves. He is a generous guy even he sets his life so systematically. He never knows when he makes you unhappy. He never knows how he upset you. He will never know what he said wrong. If he is your lover, be prepare for this.

A not so pretty girl with no brain is not his type of woman. If you are not pretty enough, he will not mind talking to you but he does not care to get to know you. Any girls, pretty or ugly can ask for his help, he will be happy to help. He hates to argue by yelling at each other, so you tend to see he argue with his girl friend seriously but try at best to be very quiet.

He likes to have a girl friend by getting to know each other like a friend first. If you want him, you have to like the same thing he does. He prefers a pretty and gentle woman than a smart and ugly woman. You have to understand his mood especially he can has many different moods. He is a private person, so when he needs to be alone better let him be.

LIBRA WOMAN

Libra woman mostly has an egg oval facial shape. She has a nice smooth skin and a good figure. She will spend so much effort to keep her skin clean and pretty. She can be easily allergy to cosmetic and make up, but taken care of her face and avoid wrinkle is her hobby. She is good at it and tends to look younger than her age.

She can be very naughty like a little boy, but yet fully 100% women. She looks nice in either Jean or night gown. She thinks woman is equal to man. Sometimes she can think faster than you, but she will not leave you far behind. She will try not to make you feel like you are competed or defeated in any games she plays with you even she is winning.

She is a little flirt even she has no idea what she wants. She can not decide what to do, and what not to do, so she can not set her schedule very well in all cases.

She is gifted with how to dress, and how to match her dress. She likes to dress in black and wear perfume. She likes a mild flowery scent. In any argument, she can really argue. She can argue for hours, and mostly win the argument. If it is not a serious argument, she could argue and once a while give you a smile also. She will make a good politician, because she can tell which party will win the election.

She always has a good reason, even she likes to contradict herself. She can not decide what is right and wrong for her, because everything has a good side and a bad side. Woman in other Zodiac might not care what other people think, but Libra woman care what other people, or what you feel as much as her own feeling.

She can adjust to her environment very well, so at work she will be at the ladder up. She likes team work in doing things. If you ask her for help or advice, she will help you except if she does not like your guts. She can change you and make you think you change by yourself without her influence.

Good sides of being with Libra woman are she never interferes with your privacy. She will not make you loose face in front of your friends. Even she cares about how much money she has left his her bank account, she will never forget to let you know how much she cares for you.

She thinks taken care of the house is a woman job and she can do it well. But if you expect a Libra woman to fear you, then you are wrong. She is a strong woman even she looks at you with that sweet innocent pairs of baby's looks and may loose you (let you win) in a few poker games.

If she is the one you are after, then go step by step. The best way is using her friends introducing you to her. Do not make her feel or treat her like a bubble head. You have to move forward toward her with confident and secure.

Show her that you are a kind, polite and a real gentleman. Be a slow hand or else you might get smack!

SCORPIO MAN

A man with a foggy cloud over him. He is sensitive and easily hurt and always feels lonely. He does not trust anyone but himself. Sounding so negative, but he has an amazingly charisma. He is a compassionate man. He absorbs other people sentimental feeling and pain.

He is a good psychiatrist and he could understand complex and confused feeling. He has a hidden power that he could use it to make things happen and do things well. He does not like people who never try to help themselves before asking other people for favors. He is the type of guy who mostly achieved his goal in life. Once he sets his mind for something, he will put all his energy and efforts in it, whether or not it is a small matter or a big project. One of the most success men in all the Zodiac.

He is a very patient man and can waits for years to reach his goal. He hates thin feeling and weak determinations. He can not retreat or rest for long, for he thinks life has more questions and more answer to be searched.

If he is in love, you will get plenty of love from him, sometimes may be too much than you have asked for. He is serious about love and relationship and will not waste time with someone he does not love whether how pretty she is.

He hardly makes mistake. He could tell if you have any bad thought, and will not hesitate to tell you so. If you do not like straight forward sincere man, then pack your bag now. If you are an over sensitive person, try not to ask for his comments. He will tell you the truth, even you might not be able to take it. Example, if you ask him if you are fat (and you are fat), he will say "yes, as big as a balloon". He makes such comments because he cares for you, so do something about your weight and do not get up set with him.

If he says "you look pretty today", you can be proud because he will not say such think just to please you if he does not really mean it. There will be both kind of people, those who like him and those who hate him. If you are in love this guy, be strong and belief in your decision, do not be vulnerable. He remembers all his anger and will wait for his pay back time.

He is very serious about your promise, do not promise something you could not keep. He loves his friends and will do anything for his close friends. He likes you to take care of him, but not in front of his friend. He is a complex man and you will never understand what he means if you do not really know him. He is happy to know he is a complex figure. When he is thinking or when he needs his privacy, you should give him some space.

He memorize everything well. You may say something that you already forgotten, but he will remember every words. He wants to be respected and admired and at the same time he does not like people to have power over him.

When he falls in love, he really falls deep. A man in this Zodiac once in love, he will be sweeter than sugar. He does not like a plain and simple woman. A complex woman's mind is his venture. Always be interesting and able to talk to him about every things in any subjects. He does not like a woman who sits around waiting for his call.

SCORPIO WOMAN

A simple woman who always show what kind of a moods she is in. You can tell right way if she up set, or if she is flirting with you. She displays herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her character.

A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality. She is confident and deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She hates to think she is borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain social acceptable rules. She is a real woman and despite her innocent and childish looks, she has a spirit of free soul. Many men will make mistake if they think she is a good follower, they are wrong.

She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring. She likes to have power and control over other people, but this will be only her secret, so you will only see a cute woman. Every things she does will look good, and she has all the woman's trick you can think of. She can manipulate men without they knowing it.

If you think she going to do everything you say because she loves you, then you will be disappointed. She could be a little tomboyish and she can understand you by just looking in your eyes. You may say sweet words which could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio woman. She will use her X-ray eyes reading your thought of what you just said or what you are going to say. She always smiles and she can really hide her feeling.

She will constantly show you that she loves freedom. If she has freedom, she will not leave you, but will even love you more. If she wants something, she will do everything to get it. She has her own sixth sense of people and you can feel that energy feed back when you around her. She likes a man who can earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel proud of that man. A man with power over her should not threat or challenge her confident. She likes to have a good looking, strong and healthy man especially if she starts to compare with her friends' boyfriends. It is a plus if he hold a degree or a good career.

She is a hot lady. She likes heavy music. She either loves or hates, there are no "fond of", or "like" for her. Love has no "may be", or "perhaps". If she is real mad, she will trash and throw things. Her wind storm can sweep all her dishes and you could get accidentally hit on your head for this matter. Be calm, it is just your grand mother favorite china for she has good quality as much as her bad tempered.

Sometimes she shows her weakness, but it won't be long. She will put herself together and back to be that hot chili again. If she loves you, it will be no matter what other people may say. Her relationship will be more important than what is right or wrong. Because of this reason, you may know some Scorpio woman become a second wife, a mistress.

She is spoil, but she allows her love one to over power her. Dating this woman, you should not keep old love letters in your pocket or in your house. It could be a love letter 2 years ago, but never mind she will argue about this since this is a big deal for a suspicious woman. Remember she has a temper of the shrew.

If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you likewise and double it.

If you stood her up once, she will stood you up 2-3 times. She is quite fair in justice, so she can accept your apologies as much as she can pretend to accept things for now and wait for a pay back revenge in the future. If you are nice to hear, she will double that to you as well. A real fair woman.

She likes to make and spent money. She likes to have fame and reputations, and never let herself broke and have no name at the same time. She is too proud and will not accept status of being "Poor". She loves to have faced, so if you are a manager with small salary, she will be proud more than more money being a truck driver. She hates to think and she can not stand a feeling of being a "Nobody".

If you like her, play a little hard to get. This will excite her a bit. When you go out on a date, set your schedule, but do not let she knows that you have planned this for weeks. Always go to pick her up on time or better to go 5-10 minutes early.

SAGITTARIUS MAN

A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity.

There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will know what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.

He hates routine, It makes him bored. He likes to get to his goals and succeeding in doing so is his true reward. Money making is O.K. but it is not his true joy, for he can easily spend them in a short while. They say if you want the truth, go and ask Sagittarius. They are right, you can ask him and he will tell you all the truth and very straight forward. Even he may speak bluntly, his friends’ loves him. If you have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for you, but Sagittarius will be the one who will give you a helping hand first and even expect no return favor. That's why he is a real charmer even sometimes big mouth.

When he is mad, he can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve and easily forgotten. He is not a person who will take a revenge, so if he say he going to burn down your house, you can relax. He likes compliments and sweet words, so you can manipulate him easily. If he knows you are not sincere, you will totally become meaningless to him.

Some Sagittarius are gifted musician, or singer. He is a happy soul, has a good humor and has lots of jokes. He loves freedom, lively and very energetic. If he is working, he will take his job seriously. He likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or traveling make him happy.

Sagittarius man is like a free bird. He lives as if everyday is Sunday. He will hardly be in a bad mood, but if he is in a bad mood, you will better leave his sight. If you want to talk to him in such mood, try to avoid issue of commenting his life. He flirts like other man, but he has a built in brake, so he will come back to you by himself. If he disappear for a few days, not to worry for he is only recharging his battery to be that same lively person again, them he will be back.

He has allergies to Pretty woman, so in love with many women for him would be normal. Setting dating schedule is his games and its fun for him, and this will keep him from being bored. He hates obligations, so the word "marriage" would suffocate him. If you allow him to have freedom, he will not go anywhere.

He falls in love as easy as he catches cold, especially if she is cute, funny and she has a strong personality. No one can tell how long he will be in love each time. If you want to really hold Sagittarius man, act like you are in an adventure movie. At all time, you should make yourself lively, tells him some jokes, always be cute so that it will ease up his allergy to other pretty woman a bit.

SAGITTARIUS WOMAN

A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step.
She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seems so happy. She will not get up set easily.

Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.

She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say "I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy". She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get upset or love her more.

She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respects you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.

She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says "Guess what I will do next", or "Guess what I am thinking" because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.

She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this
Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spend lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.

She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting married and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn't careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself, so you should not bother what people think.

Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing "Do that to me one more time". She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.

twitterrrr

2009-06-09T14:40:00.000+08:00

follow me~

http://twitter.com/carmenseck

poker faceee

2009-06-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

on the dumpling day itself, after family dinner, went to aunty's house to celebrate her birthday.. so i was chit chatting with my cousins at the living room, we talks alot of things that happened around because it's been quite a long time we didnt hang out together already, i still remembered that time 8 of us very close to each other, our age also not a big gap (not until now got so many small cousins again in the family) ha ha.. we have 2 gangs - 1 is eldest and another is youngest.. of coz i belongs to the eldest, some more i'm the 2nd oldest after my big cousin bro.. so left only 3 of us that day in the house, sel, shawn and me.. dont know chat until what then ajak to go clubbing pulak.. aiks.. just out of the blue..

then we faster back home and changed (btw their house are same area as mine) pick me up and we all go rock n' roll.. ha ha..

28th may 2009 - gagavision, zouk kl
joining sel's friend, all under aged.. aiks (of coz i'm legal to go in, shit i'm old) but still managed to get in.. let's pictures do the talking, tired if typing already.. ha ha.. (i'm typing this on half closed eyes)
all in random order

cousins for life!

suddenly feel so young after hanging out with them.. ha ha..
ok thx bai!

misunderstanding?

2009-06-01T22:47:00.003+08:00

sad again, today got an email saying my work dont meet the expectation and i need to stop doing the job, been rejected due to my misunderstanding and also lack of communication skill.. why am i 1 step by 1 step drowning myself in the situation that i dont want to be in.. i'm hating myself for not able to deal with client, it's not an easy job and kinda hurt that all my visuals that i've been putting in so many efforts just gone like this, from concept till now, been changing many rounds and still client is not satisfy and now company is losing an account.. i know boss was not happy with it even he didnt talk to me directly, already apologize to him and i'll try to pick up my communication skills and learn how to deal with people..

bah.. tiring day again..

weekend just over like this, been doing 3D day and night, no one could appreciate it even i didnt render it out, hard work just gone case again.. sometimes when i've a motivation to do certain jobs but turns out to be like this, working like hell also cant help! i'm lost again.. just feel that i dont want to face it or even think about it..

and also i dont want to be so kind until people just relying on me and i have to follow their way, feels sucks.. like a puppet let people move around.. my patients are limited.. merajuk-rajuk until my heart melt then taking advantages on me.. demanding me to follow the way it's.. aiks.. i need to stop it wei, suffer is myself only! keep on hurting myself pulak.. i need pampered la!

i dont even know whether i should believe on miracles again, i've been asking him again, too many questions in my heart and i need to untied my knot.. i dont even know how am i going to face him, just feel so weird!

i felt damn shitty now on what ever i've done and used to be.. for once again i'm in deep shit and drowning all the way down.. fml!

will post up some happy pics soon! although i'm laughing and acting like nothing, but deep in side my heart is so damn pain and so suffering even i cant tell! maybe i should create another blog that i can only rant out all the unhappy stuff and keep it privately.. urgh!

not anymore

2009-05-27T23:13:00.003+08:00

suddenly feels everything turned out quite well actually, much more better than i expected..

well from what happened until now, i really tired of it.. i really need to take a break on everything.. i choose to slow down my works, do not pushed myself too hard although still problems keep on coming and all the critics are very harsh; for eden plan still on going but haven go into details yet, wait till they finalize everything then only inform me, or perhaps some suggestions, just let them go ahead what they want; and i've spend more time with my family these 3 days, feels so good actually, just sit there quietly and the way mum and dad looking at me like a small kids, grandma getting better day by day, hired a lady to come and look after her; shocked that bff have the same case with me in the relationship, luckily i stayed beside her and comfort her; for him i guess i've letting it go bits by bits, which is good, but still will miss him more than last time :( sorry doesnt mean anything, i'll just let it be for the time being..

suddenly many people come and shared their stories with me, which i'm glad to be the listener, i wasnt expect i'll give any advice to them but it seems i'm still very clear on the position and they accept it :) proud of it eh.. ke ke.. i'm still learning to become a better person and not to blame on anything that happened to me, i know there're still peoples who care about me and i dont want to disappoint them, am trying very hard.. :)

guess i need some excitement! (aiks, makes me think of sexcitment -.-") party?club?drinking session?movie marathon? hmm guys plan something! no shopping for me cause i really broke this month.. urgh! overspend already by buying 3 dresses, 1 pc of skirt, 1 pair of heels, & 1 belt that easily cost me more than 600 bucks! must control this time!

i need more happy pictures to post up here, let see what's left in my photo album folder which i haven been post up.. he he..

till then!

untitled

2009-05-24T12:26:00.011+08:00

***********

i've decided to drop this post, it's kinda useless btw..

to letting everyone knows about my life..

well actually i felt released after letting everything out! phew~

one more thing that i've realized today,

i really cant live without internet!

happy friday plus dina's wedding

2009-05-20T17:15:00.002+08:00

well it seems i wrote this post with a terrible mood here, but after looking all the happy happy pictures and colorful outfits it cheer me up a lil.. need to post up all my pending post.. he he..

well it was a fri, and everytime when it's fri i just loving it, cause it's the end of the weekdays but now it's different, i kinda hate it now! cause i hafta work on weekends! okay work aside, pictures time (more camwhore pic to die for.. ha ha)

okay we camwhore gao gao in the off early in the morning!

just show me enough ok, i dunwan to post gene punya pictures here.. ha ha.. u can find all her pictures in her facebook :p

driving also wan to camwhore.. aiks.. this is me going out for lunch in my cute lil kenari, both very matching ler, yellow n gold.. ke ke..

okay this was me after arrived at the dewan serbaguna in ttdi, we're too early!

with pretty bosses!

so since we're the earliest we just sit at our table chit chatting and even take job brief on the spot.. ke ke.. workaholic i shall said.. then finally the couple came in!

this was my 1st time attended a malay wedding, it's quite interesting! sorry for the blurry pic!

so after all the speeches and doa.. we all finally start makan.. ha ha.. guess what, that time was 9pm and everyone was starving, luckily we sat at vip table and food is served infront of us.. if not we've to beratur to take food (ala buffet style)..

then after makan it was cake cutting time, they both looks so lovely!

abit bored so decided to camwhore again, i guess all also sick of us camwhoring non stop.. ha ha..

the very recent me! hair was so long now and been trimmed and colored! nice? loving it so much, thanks to my personal hair stylist, my mama! ha ha.. come n drop by to her salon, tell her my name and you got a special discount ;) too bad my skin now is torturing me! not as flawless as before and dark circles getting bigger! this picture cant tell cause i've put on make up and some photoshop skills.. haha

congratulations to both of u again! hugs!

that's how my last friday turned out..
oh ya forgot to mention i've meet the cyy cousin for a lunch date! ha ha.. buy him lunch as the late birthday present..

note to cousin bro: next time bring gf come n meet me k.. and dont bring virus back from penang ar.. kill u.. have a nice chat with you though.. give me more advice! ha ha..

****on random****
been crazily over this 2 days! and i'm hating my life! turning upside down like nobody else.. aih.. no one could hear me and even cant share the pain inside my heart, felt so down actually.. :( i dont understand why you've changed these few days.. you seems to avoid me now.. or i'm thinking too much? i'm sorry for not being thr when you're down.. damn.. i've been so suffer for this week.. never had this feeling before and so stressed up.. even worst than last time when everything cramp up.. blame to pms! urgh lagi suffer! damn damn damn.. i hate my life!

stress again!

2009-05-17T21:27:00.004+08:00

seems like all the problems keep coming on non-stop, i'm so sick and so stressed on it.. i wonder if i'm paralize then i wont suffer from all this kind of pains.. urgh.. i think i shouldnt write this emo post again but only words could let me to rant out and release my stress.. omg i sounds like a problem girl here! too many stuff to be done yet i only have a pair of hand, a heart to feel and a brain to think!

i wish someone could hear me now.. i'm so damn stress.. although i hangover last night and tried to skipped all the reality that i've, but still i'm facing it everyday, things cant be change, am so scared that all the things that happened on me.. sometimes i wonder how i want to stay strong in the family, and in my career, i actually do care how people look on me, my expectation are way too high i think.. i'm the eldest and i have the responsiblity, even work also i'm handling all by myself..

grandma please stand strong, everyone in the family been working hard to take care of you, and for my career i dont mind i puts in alot of efforts but at least i need some compliments, true to be tell that i no longer have the passion anymore like last time, but still my goal is always there! i wont give up on what ever i've and the position i'm in now..

bad luck are turning back again.. feels like i'm thinking too much already when i slow down or just taking a break from my heavy workloads.. why ar? i guess only keep myself busy is the only way i've to skipped all the stress.. damn!

miracles

2009-05-13T11:18:00.002+08:00

can u spot there's actually 2 rainbow in the sky? taken this shot while i was driving back home and stuck in traffic jams (i'm a safe driver ar.. keke)

so many things wanted to tell but i just dont know how to tell out and it's still very complicated.. things are not that i thought so easily and so simple! well it's still the time that matters, am trying not to think about it but still it'll stuck in my mind every single moment.. guess i'm too into it already? mixed feeling and i dont know what should i react for now! should i just let it go or just continue on what we've now.. i cant control the things that happened between us and i just wanted to let you know how i felt.. only god knows what will happened next and i'm trying to overcome my emotions and frustration.. am hoping for miracles as i always be.. will this time miracles happen on me again?

grandma was admitted to hospital 2 days back.. so worried about her health conditions as she getting weaker n weaker by days.. i was so sad to see her suffering in the hospital, she misses home so much! was in hospital visiting her for 2 days and she seems she's slowly get well from her sickness.. now i realized how important health is and need to take it seriously.. i guess i need to cut down all my unhealthy life style and be more stronger person, cant always fall sick like last time, am so scared of it, especially the asma that i've..

oh and my trip are finally back.. last time was scheduled to go krabi by mid aug, due to swine flu hafta cancelled it and yesterday just out of sudden fay asked me if i wanted to go hk next year, airasia got free seats again.. so finger cross this time i'm able to go for my long awaited trip!

ok i'm awake now and need to get my things done!

till then..

s6 gathering

2009-05-08T15:38:00.006+08:00

finally wai lee back from uk and we've got back our terminal or i shall said is the most comfortable place for us to have gathering, beside's tiong hoe's house.. ha ha.. it's been awhile since we had gathering, tien just got back from aus, wai lee back for summer holidays, keong and soon onn back from uk as well, but too bad tiong hoe, chiao chuin n hwa khang couldn't join us! they're still in aus, and you jing was in spore training.. bad timing huh..

but we still have fun time! he he.. that's our s6 spirit! actually we've already meet up during weekdays for a simple dinner and then wai lee invited us back to her crib to have steamboat.. ah kinda miss those days we always hang out in wai lee's house and we even passed out in her room too! phew that was long time ago and finally back to our terminal once again!

the woman who used to sit next to me during high school! xineeeee!

wai lee (the host) and xin yee

boon and tien

part of s6-ian

and a happy family photo.. guess wat..

when i first upload to facebook, you jing the 1st person to comment about this group photo and he even TAG himself in this photo-as a wine bottle! LOL he may not in there but his spirit is always be with us.. ha ha.. kaki botol!

me and my kor kor, faster get married with dai sou ok! :p

wai lee and boon, best sista

boon complained she looks nicer with this angle and take another shot again -.-"

us girls

so ngam all wear yellow color! is the in color now!

hon keong was kepoh wan to stuck in to take pix, soon onn lagi kepoh! chatting with gf on phone also sibuk want to take picture.. ke ke

the guys, from left, yew tong, soon onn, hon keong and shee hoe

us girls again!

me and boon, okay no need to purposely bend down to take picture with me!

after that we bid good bye to wai lee who flew back to uk few days later.. it's been long time never had this moment like this before! hoping for more gathering! tiong hoe we're waiting for you to come back and we rule your new house again! ha ha.. is good that we could still keep in touch since we left high school so long.. and now everyone are graduating and start working ady.. some still stay at overseas further studies, phew.. time flies and we all grown up! let see if i could dig some of our old times photo..

*****
yea gt some old time photos here that i grab from friendster/facebook/watsoever our website.. keke..

let's see what we've changed for the pass 5 years!

this was taken for our final year school book!
guess where am i!
oh and the creative club activity room still thr! still remembered i was the president of the club! so proud of it.. haha..

and this one taken after the graduation ceremony! phew my memory wasnt bad huh.. and they're wearing the t-shirt that i design! so proud!! am still keeping them nicely ler..

this was taken erm.. before our drama start, still doing rehearsal..

this also taken during rehearsal for our graduation ceremony..

i guess this was the 1st gathering we had after graduate from high school! wai lee's hse!

it brings back alot of memories! damn i miss the moment already! but i believe s6 spirit are still there with us no matter how far we are! now the most concern part among us is who will get married 1st! ha ha.. same o' topic each time when we meet up! guess now i'm not the 1st neither 2nd! lol.. *hint hint* kor faster proposed to dai sou or xine faster ask ur rich bf to marry u! ha ha..

it's complicated!

2009-05-06T14:41:00.004+08:00

things getting real serious here and i need to rewind back the incidents that happened to me! mixed feeling are suffering, and the worst part is i'm down with sick.. urgh! why la everything happened just out of sudden, is it because life are full of surprises and when it come you cant even stop it or ignore it.. being so emo here and at the same time felt so dizzy now, work not done and cant even concentrate on the stuff that i'm doing, i'm lost actually!

sometimes i wonder if it's good to have more and more unexpected things that happened in just a short period and it sparks, becoming part of my life and start to enjoy every single moment that i've.. as i know i need to enjoy my life to the fullest!

i'm not complaining.. i'm just feel like things had changed totally, i dont know myself anymore for the past and i'm now starting to like my new life.. guess miracles does happened on me! if i couldnt take it please forgive me and give me some times, i really wants to makes things worked out perfectly! as i cant expect what will happened to me next! really, that's been happened on me for the pass few weeks i shall said.. things are changing and so do i!

ok i guess i'm too sick already and i started to rambling again.. really need some good rest now! back to reality and start working la carmen! damn!

ps: trip got cancelled! damn upset!

pps: happy belated birthday to my bro! it's been awhile since we had back the family dinner feel again.. felt so great!

ok i'm so sick right now! feel so dizzy, please dont got scared if you bump into me with terrible pale face and messy hair and cocky eyes! duh.. i'm looking soooo bad today! urgh!

blogging from genting!

2009-05-01T05:28:00.003+08:00

woohoo.. i'm in coffee bean genting now!

damn syiok, weather is so damn cold and chilling!

such a great holiday eve i have here!

never expect i'll be in genting at this time..

it's 5.30am now!

woohoo!

feel like wanna shout out loud!!!

happy labour day!

edited (with photos!)

ulu langat roadtrip

2009-04-28T12:28:00.002+08:00

i woke up early on a lovely sun morning, seeing mum prepared all the stuff for qing meng.. yea u got me right, we're actually going for qing meng but after that we're on a half day road trip!

after finished up all the praying stuff which takes like 2 hrs, then we started our journey. since we're out of the town we drove to ulu langat waterfall to chill abit and let's the kids (obviously my little cousins) to play around.. we even saw mazda 8s' club while on the way..

then the picture taking session started, and i was so scared my camera died on me since it showed low battery! forgot to charge it after using for my birthday *bleh*

my lovely parents *hugsss*

please ignore my pale & sleepy face!

mum:"faster help me take pic, very nice here!"
aunties: "wait i also want to take!"
aunties.. aih.. lagi like to take pic than me :p

finally got time to camwhore abit.. keke

then saw my cute cousin screaming my name and he give me this face.. aiks..

mum:"come let's go to the bridge there take more pictures"
me:"aiks.. okay.."

then back to the river ask my cousins to pose for me!

aunties telling me many stories when they're still young and how they have their childhood life to be.. was so interesting to listen to them and their reaction & emotions are really funny! :p

then it was lunch time and my uncle bring us to a very very ulu place for nice thai food!

saw this at the entrance, starving already!

with nice view and nice food! *thumbs up*

food arrived! yum yum yum!

all the foods are so delicious and fresh! and cheap too!

then after makan, we head to look out point which is near by only.. 1st time going there, damn nice scenery, i beg night scenery lagi niceee.. he he..

joining the kids!

and the adults.. ha ha..

chilling on top of the hill!

like mother like daughter.. keke..

mum's dream garden!

then it started to rain :( too bad..
so we head back home and sleep! ha ha..
was so tiring that day, hope to have more family roadtrip like this!

next up! s6 gathering!

the fastest decision!

2009-04-28T00:21:00.002+08:00

surprisingly, i shocked myself. for today.

not only for today actually, been through shocking days i had for pass few days, phew! i don't know whether i wants to laugh out loud or cry!

finally i've booked my air ticket, to take a break from all my sickening jobs i had! FINALLY! i dont care whether my leaves are approved, i dont care about all my rushing jobs in hand and the budget i have, just feel so cool to make a decision that i've wanted to do, feels so great~ hehe

*guess where am i heading*

today really feels so blurred when step into off and all the phone calls, emails coming in non-stop, and i hafta go up n down for so many times to get things done! my brain was totally blank and i just feel like a robot or machine doing all stuff.. weird huh..

guess i've too many surprises for the weekends! i was stoned and dunno how to react, thinking back for the situation and asking myself what the hell i'm doing, and for all the commitments that we have between each other, frustrated on the partnership and believing in each other, phew! credit-cards been rejected (damn malu okay!) and all the silly stuff that i've done! but somehow i feel touched by some one who're back all the way from work trip to meet me and spend me a nice movie and meals. :) thankyou so much (if you're reading this, haha..) handling different kind of customers and even going for a road trip but somehow got cancelled due to raining, and went for shopping therapy after-all used up all my cash! insane insane insane! i've to repeat it 3 times to shout how insane was i! it's like too much for me to accept the decision that i've made so far!

good to tell that my life now are full with surprises and adventure! i dunno what i'll do next and i cant expect what will happen again!

oh wanted to tell that finally all the cold war thingy had ended but i still feel i couldnt let it down, there's still a scar in my heart, and it's still pain! guess it takes time to cure and will see how it's going to be, cant promise and i still cant forgive it!

i've took like more than 30 mins to write this post, and not even posting up a picture! guess there's alot of space to let me fill up and color up my life!

till then, nights!

*ps: been so emo for few days! guess i need some lovessss! hahahah.. where's my prince charming? haven goto bed yet and started to dreaming ady.. keke..

gd49 plus eden poppy night

2009-04-25T23:25:00.002+08:00

on my birthday itself, working also (boring right?) but i've plan at night already.. he he.. actually is gd 49 annual gathering at poppy and the theme was white, and i've searching for a nice white dress but i couldnt find it, so i just went by wearing something that's really casual.. ha ha.. and also i've drag along eden's member to have fun! keke..

introduce my another siao friends.. keke

this shot is before fay accidentally fall off her glass

pity fred.. ahha

whe the alchohol kicks in, this is what will happened:

he cheated! he only drink sprite.. aiks..

fay also getting tipsy..

confirmed drunk!

some more still can cam whore! geng!

got people lagi siao.. fall into the pool and both of them are wet.. haha.. then they switched place and sit with me and fay..

rick who wanted to be bar tender are preparing some hot drinks for us to have the 'kick'

and it's really flaming! some more we're using straw to drink! lagi high! had about 3 glass then i started to flying high! keke

see my face become tomato! and i still can walk towards to the dance floor!
here comes the white gang with part of gd 49..

us girls! been so long time didnt see them ady!

only benson a guy who turned up.. ha ha.. damn lucky to take pictures with lots of hot chic (of coz not included me.. keke)

after that i'm officially died after reached home, and gonna wake up the next morning to work!

finally done for my birthday post! up next road trip!